Community Chat

[Kitlynn]

There is no such thing as being to nice. Now that being said you need to remember that you deserve to treat yourself nice also. So when extra jobs come along for instance it is perfectly fine for you to say "that isn't going to work for me." It doesn't mean you aren't being nice it just means that you are looking our for what is best for you once in a while.

[tansy]

Don't change being the caring person who has bandaids for the kids.  🩷

As for the extra work, that I assume has no extra dollars attached, practice saying no.  It will get easier.

[zitawins]

@Jordan2   No. It's a complete sentence. Too many young women haven't learned that, I'm afraid. There is a limit to always acquiese to other people.

No.

[QVCkitty1]

No is an acceptable answer.

[SandySparkles]

@Jordan2 

Times have changed! The moral compass of society has changed! The world needs KIND, loving people now more that ever!😊

There are those that take kindness for weakness and exploit it, but there are MANY more that appreciate your wonderful qualities!❤

It appears that your students, and co-workers APPRECIATE your compassionate, responsible, reliable, loving qualities, and ask YOU when needed because you ARE dependable, and that is admirable!😊

If you feel you are being taken advantage of and need help setting healthy boundaries, a GOOD therapist can help you do just that!👍

Kindness is contagious! Continue to pass it on, and let your loving light shine!!!!😊

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

[GingerHead]

@Jordan2 

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@Jordan2 wrote:

I'm too nice and need to be deprogrammed! I was raised to be polite, kind, just be a good citizen, it seems people aren't like that anymore and it's a negative that I am. I work in a school with young children, I am always the first one who is given additional work (if they are shorthanded I always get the extra classes). They know I'll do it, I never say no to anything. If the kids need tissues and band aids who do the kids and other adults ask me because they know I'm responsible and will have them. I know a lot of the fault lies in me that I let them pretty much take advantage of me. It's just not in my nature to be mean, not helpful, helping when I can. I do hate myself for being this way but it is hard to change when you have been a certain way your whole life. I probably should speak to a therapist as to why I can't change my ways. 

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I think you are confusing kindness with people pleasing.

Kindness is selfless, you do it out of the goodness of your heart as a mutual respect, altruistic.

People pleasing is motivated by wanting to be accepted or recognized/rewarded for your actions or being afraid to speak your mind.

You sound like a very sweet, kind person but please don't confuse doing something you don't really want to do or not standing up for yourself as being kind...You can say no and still be the kindest person in the world.

You say they're taking advantage of you and giving you all the extra work, don't let them. They sound very unkind to you. Standing up for yourself is not being mean....

@Jordan2 Edited to say, there's nothing wrong with you, I think a lot of us go through not being able to say no. I know I did. It took me a long time to snap out of it! haha 

Just keep telling yourself that saying no is not unkind or mean. 

Kindness is being kind to yourself and your feelings too! And therapy is never a bad thing and might help to sort things out. I wish you well!

[monicakm]

@bikerbabe 

Setting boundaries is what separates those who can say no and those who can't.  I'm sorry   It's a balancing act, isn't it.  I found that when I got older I was able to say "no" and say it in a way that wasn't hurtful (I hope) to others.  I used to have a friend who couldn't say no to anyone and that included her family.  Her husband and children ran over her and I got to hear about it every single day (sigh).  She would ask for advice and not take it.  If you feel like you need to talk to a therapist, by all means, do so.  Nothing wrong with that!  I hope things improve for you.

[SaveTheTurtles]

Isn't it a shame that being nice and kind is a detriment? Sad commentary on our culture in 2024.

[homedecor1]

@Jordan2 

Nothing wrong with being polite or kind!  I'm sure those children appreciate knowing you're going to have what they need🙂

Luckily I retired from a great job and worked with terrific people -- everyone pitched in!  

Maybe if your feeling overwhelmed it's time to say "no" to the extra work or maybe a job change.

[qvcfreak]

You could have written that about me but that is who I am. 

In an interview they asked me what was a weakness and I said, difficulty saying no. I think they used it against me. They would give me so much extra work.