Community Chat

[LucyInTheSky]

Your posts are always wonderfully insightful, genuine, and kind @Irshgrl31201.  Thank you for taking the time to post such wonderful comments. 

[LucyInTheSky]

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@Karlakaye wrote:

I don't have anything to add but a prayer and a hug.  I am totally amazed and impressed by all the wise, kind, helpful people who have responded with such great support and advice.  I hope you are feeling embraced and empowered by all the responses you have received.

KK

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I am @Karlakaye!  Thank you!!

@Preds  Hugs and hearts to you...

[denisemb]

Lucyinthesky - I'm heartened by all the supportive posts you've received and it appears you are, too!

I have nothing much to add to all the wonderful advice, other than please take good care of yourself (first) and your dear mother.  And don't be afraid of a little therapy, it helps the guilt you may (unnecessarily) feel, to see none of this is your fault and get a new perspective on the situation.

Have a better 2016, my friend!

[hyacinth003]

Some people never change.  They can be bad, and they stay bad.

Sorry that anyone has to go through this.

Hyacinth

[sfnative]

@LucyInTheSky

Please know that I'm terribly sorry that your life has been impacted so horribly by this toxic person.

My mother was much the same: physical and emotional abuse.  When I started college and eventually moved away from home, I cut all ties with her.  There was one exception: when I had my daughter, limited visits were allowed and I gave her the low down on what I expected from her behavior - the big one being do not put a hand to my child - ever.

When one exists in a family situation such as yours, it makes me wonder if he could have manic depressive disorder. 

That aside, I think you did well to tell him what you thought, even though you may have raised your voice.   I would never have stood for that behavior for as many years as you have.

Can there be a means of seeing to your mother's needs, without interacting with you father?  This sounds nuts, but makes me wonder if a visit to an attorney to clarify what your legal responsibilities are to your father and how you might help your mother.  When anger colors the field, the opinion of a professional can be a great directing force.  I had to do that when my mother died and my step-father, who I couldn't stand, expected me to work my full time job, take care of my daughter, & drive 65 miles one way to cook and clean for him.  I  went straight to an attorney to determine what my legal responsibilities were according to California State law.  My solution was simple.  Frankly, I don't think yours will be, but you need a starting point and I'd start with legal responsibility via an attorney.

I really do mean it: All the best as you tackle this most difficult life decision.

[LucyInTheSky]

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@Stormygirl wrote:

LucyInTheSky....a big hug to you. Is nice to see all the sound advice, loving support you have here. Is warming to see we can come for such and receive. You have been given good advice and I cant add to what has already been said except some of us know exactly what you are going through. I cried a few tears after reading your post as for me it was my toxic abusive Foster-Mother and her abuse still gives me nightmares. I cannot go into great detail but I was trapped and severely beaten almost on a daily basis....and one day after much painful abuse I snapped and broke her nose. She never hit me again but I left my toxic abusive foster family behind over 30 years ago. I miss having a family that I never had and I wish it hadn't come to blows before I finally left. I was one of 11 children given up for foster care and was shuffled in the system like a stray squirrell. There is help available today there wasn't back then. 2 of my brothers and a sister I never met killed themselves when they aged out of the antiquated foster system and lived on the streets. I am the one terminally ill now but  I am a survivor. Hugs to you and be well.

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Oh my goodness.  Wishing you the very best my friend... lots of love and light.  Bless you for taking the time to comfort ME.  Sending you a warm embrace. (((((@Stormygirl)))))

[LucyInTheSky]

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@freakygirl wrote:

lucyinthesky, most of us have our own family dramas and problems, so we totally understand and support you. vent all you want. soemtimes we just need someone to listen and not necessarily give advise or make a comment. I'm so sorry that you've been going through this for years. my heart breaks for you. I will keep on saying a prayer for you. God is in the business of miracles, so though it may be impossible for you to think that things can change, let's put your dad in His hands and let Him take charge. know that we'll always be here to lend an ear. sending you a big hug. I hope you feel it. 

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I do @freakygirl, thank you my friend.

[jewel3]

Good for you for having the courage to speak up to a bully. What he thinks does not count. He lost that option when he consistently treated you and your family badly. 

[Gemspirit]

@LucyInTheSky~I feel you and hear you. I'm here. What else would have grown women on a tv sales network on New Years!? 

My problem, issue, person is different but just as hurtful and, damaging. My now grown children grew up asking " what kind of mood is "he" in today? How very sad. And as grown, married adults they make endless excuses for someone who has hurt the (and me) for their entire lives. 

You've got my support. I've dealt with many other challenges in my life. But THIS has been the most hurtful and made me feel alone and very sad. 

I hear you...you aren't alone. 

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[LucyInTheSky]

I couldn't mention everyone personally, but just know that I read every single post, and each one meant something very special to me.  And I won't forget it.  Thank you ladies.

I'm calling it a night, but I wanted to sign off by letting you know I've spoken with my mother (gently) and my siblings.  Between that and the wonderful support I've received here from all of you tonight, I feel as though I'm in a much better place.

Thank you again, and I hope you are all having a very Happy New Year.