Community Chat

[Mj12]

@jubilant I am so sorry this happened, so terrible and disturbing. Thank God your Dad has you and your family to look out for him. I so glad you moved him to a new home asap.  So awful.

[CAcableGirl2]

@jubilantI am upset reading this.  Not only would I seek legal advice, I would tell that place that you intend to go to the local news/press to warn others on what this place was doing, fully aware that it has happened before.  I'm sure you will be contacted from the higher ups at that facility if they think that it will be made public on how they were aware of an issue and still housed him with your father, and who knows how many others were this man's victim.  I'm not blaming the man, he probably is unaware of what he is doing, but the staff was aware and did nothing to protect your father or others.  Sending the best to your family and your father, he is very lucky to have a family that cares about him so deeply.

[jubilant]

We know that nursing homes are hard up for enough money. We are not going to sue them for several reasons. In the 4 yrs. my Dad has been there we have made quite a few aquaintances. The people who were loyal to my Dad and informed us that this had been an issue with this particular man before could lose their jobs.

  At this point we just want the home to be investigated and called into account so this will not happen to those we leave behind and any new people who might come into that home to live.

[Maudelyn]

Did the nursing home inform you of this incident? What was your dad's reaction to this?

[mercyMe]

The entire incident was beyond acceptance--nursing homes receive severe fines on an ongoing basis.   Medicare just closed a 200-unit nursing home close to my house for non-compliance and numerous warnings.  I am tired of hearing the excuse "we're understaffed."

[Billie1953]

I worked in an Alzheimer and memory care facility over 4 years...sadly this and more does go on and it cannot be helped...when you have so many to take care of you cannot keep your eye on everyone 24/7...with these facilities you have to take the good with the bad or else do the alternative...taking him home and that is usually out of the question for most families, once their loved one deteriates to this point...I am sorry you are so upset over it though...

ETA...if I were you I would request that someone be moved to another room...perferrably the other man...they should be willing to comply with your request...

[kdgn]

@jubilant

Please file complaints with the state and Medicare. Nursing homes are licensed by both and they take these complaints very seriously. 

[jubilant]

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@missy1 wrote:

 This is horrible.

How did you know this happened? Did you see it or can your dad  still communicate that this happened to him?

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Although my Dad is in his later stages of dementia...it is his body that is failing him more than it is his mind. Once in a while he does have hallucinations but since Hospice took him off of most of his medications that has gotten much better. He does have cognitive issues. His thinking and speech is so good you would have to be around him a while to even know he has dementia. It is his body that is shutting down and deteriorating. He can hold a very decent conversation most of the time.  This past winter and fall he has had sepsis, unrinary infections, C-Diff, bedsores, an abcess on his back, an infected tooth, etc.   He also has choking and swallowing problems. He is on thickened liquids.  He has started to get a little better since we called Hospice in. Last week he even wanted to start eating again....he has been eating very little for the past 3 weeks or so and not drinking .  He had to be hydrated about a month or so ago with an IV. 

He woke up to find this person on top of him and he felt his hands trying to get into his brief.  He yelled until a nurse came running. The home reported the incident to us but failed to tell us this man had been in there nursing home several times before and he had done something similar before.  They think he is looking for his wife (who has passed).  People that work there told us this....I can't say who....but we trust them and the home has pretty much admitted it according to a talk my sister had with them.

Since this has happened he has been seen outside my Dad's door by me, and on another day by my mother and sister.  A nurse saw him trying to go in again the night before last and ran and stopped him.  We were livid.

[terrier3]

You need to SUE. Hire a lawyer.

I'm not saying this because you'll make money from this terrible incident - but because losing money is just about the ONLY thing that makes businesses clean up their act.

Here in my city, a woman with dementia wandered into a man's room - he also had dementia. He thought someone was breaking into his home - and he beat her. She died four days later, in agony.

Lawsuits are the ONLY thing these for profit businesses understand.

Sad, but true!

[Maudelyn]

@jubilant, I'm sorry this happened to your dad. However, I would not take full stock in what a nursing home worker has told you about the poor demented man looking for his wife.  You really don't know the circumstances of what the man has done in the past and second hand info is notoriously innacurate.

The nursing home was right in reporting the incident to you and you did what you felt was right in moving your dad. If your dad is traumatized by the incident, I would let his doctor know right away.