Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,347
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

My mother is 91, she'll be 92 in about ten days. She fell back in October (not on my watch) and broke some bones in her hip. She spent a short time in the hospital, then was in rehab for 10 weeks. The care there was not good. She was beinging discharged, my sister and I felt she wasn't well enough to go home, we appealed and were denied. She came home, last Thursday, saw a visiting nurse on Friday (to open the case), and saw a PT and OT therapist once each. I was taking care of her (I was in over my head), I didn't get a home health aide until yesterday, 6 days after she was released). Well yesterday the visiting nurse didn't like how her lungs sounded, I called an ambulance and we went to the ER. She was admitted, she's not doing well. I have taken care of my mother for so long, I tried my best when she came home, it was too much for me. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone, I devoted my life to her. My sister and I are now looking into nursing homes for my mother. My mother is the nicest sweetest person, I don't want her to suffer, yet I will be devastated when she's gone. My life is going to be so different, thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,160
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I am so sorry, no matter how old you are it is difficult to see your parents die

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 26,549
Registered: ‎12-17-2012

@Jordan2 ... Prayers for you and your mother.  She knows where she needs to be and you have done all you can.  She knows that, too.  Blessings and peace to you both.  

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm." She whispers back, "I am the storm."

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,312
Registered: ‎01-08-2011

I'm so very sorry.  We all do the very best we can. Just one day at a time. Please don't be hard on yourself, we are all always here.


You and your mother are in my prayers.  Please be kind to yourself.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,938
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

[ Edited ]

I'm so sorry @Jordan2 .  I lost my mother twenty years ago, and I still think about her almost every day.  A bond with your mother is so special.  I'm so sorry your mother and you are going through this.  I can only imagine how hard it is for both of you.  It does sound like she needs a nursing home now.  You've done everything you can for her.  You might want to think about bringing in Hospice, too.  We did that for my father at the end, and they were extremely helpful.


I lost my 91 year old father on Christmas day.  My life has changed so much since he died.  I was always going to see him in his memory care facility and thinking about him and bringing things to him.  It's very different now without him.  I'm so sorry for what you''re going through.

Day after day the whole day through, wherever my road inclined, four feet said 'I'm coming with you!' and trotted along behind. Kipling

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,225
Registered: ‎11-08-2014

Very sorry to hear of your distress, @Jordan2 .  Saying prayers for your beloved mother, you and your family.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I am so sorry @Jordan2 . You have done your best.When people get that old ,their health can change at the  speed of lightning


You did all that was humanly possible, you must not feel it is your fault.I lost both of my parents too ,and I know how hard it is. You will be able to get through this, even if it feels like you can't


I wish I could help. If you have problems, just post to me. I will listen and try to help you feel better..You might call your Dr ,if you have problems eating and sleeping. They can give you something to help get you through this terrible time



Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,327
Registered: ‎05-09-2016

First of all, take a deep breath. You don't know that this is the end for your mom. It might be, but it might not. You didn't do anything wrong. You did your best. Sometimes, despite doing everything that we can, things still don't turn out the way we want them to be. RIght now, the hospital is the best place for her to be for both of you. Her, so that she gets the medical care that she needs. You, so that you're relieved of caregiving and able to just be present as her daughter. 


Sending you peace, love and light. You know what's right for your mom, and now may very well be the time to let others take on the burden of physical care. 

~The more someone needs to brag about how wonderful, special, successful, wealthy or important they are, the greater the likelihood that it isn't true. ~

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,588
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Jordan2  This is heartbreaking. I hope your sweet mother can rally or at least not be in pain. I have been on this journey myself and it is one of the most difficult I have endured.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,867
Registered: ‎04-05-2010

Re: I Can't Stop Crying

[ Edited ]

My heart goes out to you and I can I know many can (so many people are caregivers for an aging parent.)  I relate to all you said...the sweet mom, the devoting yourself to her care, not wanting her to suffer, not wanting her to go. I am an only child, my mom is 91, and entered assisted living 3 years ago, She's had some issues but overall is in decent shape, with a little dementia, but still "my mom." I oversee all her care. I know the hardest thing when caring for a loved one is this dang system!!  I always say my mom (also the sweetest, easiest person) is NOT ever the's the system, and getting the care they need, (and that you are paying BIG bucks for!), when they need it.  It is a constant struggle to keep people on track. And the system is overloaded too.  I'm just sending out prayers and just for you to know you are "not alone" many can relate....spend every precious moment you can and be present with her. It is just plain life...and you (and I) are lucky to have had her so long. (I'm sorry if that sounds cliche' and not enough, because of course no matter how long, we never want them to go, I feel the same...don't know how I'll deal but I know too that at 91 I'm lucky.) That's all I can say for now. Bless you and take care. xo