Community Chat

[seattlegirl98026]

I think Romary, Marien, and BCB all have valid points. I really think he was primarily trying to impress his wife and FIL with his "generosity".

[issiestorm]

If it were me, I would let the son know how I felt about it. I don't believe in bottling up feelings. Besides, he should know that he was very inconsiderate and as another poster so aptly put it, very 'ham handed'.

[reese2]

On 7/7/2014 calcgirl said:

Hello Everyone,

My son is a pilot with a major airline and he has recently married a very nice lady. Yesterday he told me he gave my flight benefits to his father-in-law because he flies often and since I became a widow 3 years ago I haven't flown anywhere (true).

I don't know why this hurt me; I haven't traveled since my sweetheart passed away and his father-in-law will get better use of it. I am not a selfish person at all which makes me feel guilty that this hurt me, but it did. Why????? I never shared my feelings with them yesterday and never would, but I thought I was going to cry ( silly, right). Thankfully, the subject changed and they never noticed I was hurt.

I guess I just needed to share this with someone, so here I am.

Have a nice day

No, not silly at all. First, you've already suffered a huge loss that I can only imagine you still feel everyday, and I do think your son reminding you that you haven't flown anywhere since only made it hurt more.

Second, it feels a bit disrespectful to me that he did it without asking you first. You might very well have said it was the more logical thing to do, but it should have been your decision.

Third, even though your flight benefits hadn't been used in a while, they were something that connected you to your son. Having them taken away like that with no discussion had to have felt like a little of a loss, too.

I wish you peace, calcgirl. Your feelings are never silly, they matter.

[reese2]

On 7/8/2014 occasional rain said:

On 7/8/2014 Yuban3 said:

The son is the pilot, yes? The son is also and adult, is he not?

So, therefore, as the pilot, HE actually owns the passes.

As an adult, it is HIS decision on to whom to give those passes to.

He did not need Mommy's permission to give them away.

He had already given the passes to his mother and then took them away. If I give something that is mine to another, it's a gift and now belongs to them. This wasn't a loan it was a gift and as such was no longer his to give away.

OR is right, they were no longer his to give away. And that's the black and white part, no emotion tossed in.

[jeanlake]

Virtual hug and I'd take you out for a cappuccino if I could. I'm sorry for your pain and your loss. You've been through changes. Your honestly shows you've given this a lot of thought. I do think you are right not to share your feelings with your son. He's being practical. No wrong intentions here. No sense of introducing guilt to the situation. This may sound odd, but something I learned over the past 20 years is what to care about and what not to care about. You save a lot of emotional turmoil this way. Sometimes we have to protect our inner child by being practical. Blessings

[ROMARY]

Sincerely wishing all concerned well, and hopefully mom will feel better very soon, and perhaps think about traveling in the future. I'm sure son will offer her any requested flight passes. New FIL will understand, for sure, I have no doubt.

[faeriemoon]

That was lousy.

However, I would just let it ride.

[ROMARY]

p.s. I've been thinking about what I've posted........Wishing O/P well. The son has a new life, a new wife, another extended family. Feeling sorry for O/P, but also must mention that perhaps the son has been observing that his mom hasn't been using the flight passes for three long years, and perhaps felt that at least the passes will be immediately used. I'm fairly certain that if mom wishes to travel in the future, that son will offer those flight passes to her. All we can hope for is that mom will feel much better about the situation as time moves on. Best wishes to all.

[Calcgirl]

On 7/8/2014 cyndog said: I agree that's it wasn't mentioned to you or discussed with you ahead of time. Maybe you had some thoughts that you would start some travel soon or maybe he made you think your son was pulling away a little. Could be all kinds of feelings bouncing around.

I do feel he is pulling away.

[Calcgirl]

On 7/8/2014 Lakk said:

I think he should have told you first but I would not mention it again if it were me. Hopefully he didn't realize it would hurt your feelings and it was just a case of acting before he thought it through.

I agree