Community Chat

[KittyLouSoutenu]

On 2/19/2015 LipstickDiva said:

Bet the OP is really glad she asked this question.

If she's been around here for awhile she should have been prepared.

[Justina rae]

On 2/19/2015 qvc chick said:

Boy, some of the posters here are brutal !! What happened to kindness???

I know I am my own worst enemy- and it is certainly easier to still hang out with him, because we are very comfortable with each other.

Just for the record - everyone is telling me to make new friends and to get a job.

Well, I have a full time job that I enjoy, and I have tons of friends!!

But friends do NOT always take the place of having a relationship with someone. I think we all know that.

My problem is, it is not easy to meet a guy. And I have done all the hobbies, and meet up groups, etc. Nobody is out there. And I am afraid to do the on line dating scene.

So hopefully this explains the situation!!

I don't think it's brutal at all. Just honest. You've got 140 posts or so all saying the same thing. That must tell you something.

I figured the explanation you provided above was exactly where you're coming from. You are too dependent on your ex and too dependent on having a relationship with a man. But you make excuses about going out to meet someone new so you will settle for this extremely toxic relationship that will only further damage your psyche and your ability to create a new life for yourself.

My advice to you if you do not have the ability to cut yourself off from your ex completely is to enlist the help of a therapist who can guide you through some of your issues. There's nothing wrong with doing that.

[KittyLouSoutenu]

Would it be helpful if people said, "Hey, nothing wrong with hanging out with a man you divorced because he cheated (and cheated again and again) and is using you - just go for it until some new guy comes knocking on your door"

Is that what OP wants to hear?

She asked how to get over an Ex.

You can't get over someone you're still seeing!

[Deb1010again]

On 2/19/2015 Cakers1 said:

On 2/19/2015 qvc chick said:

Boy, some of the posters here are brutal !! What happened to kindness???

I know I am my own worst enemy- and it is certainly easier to still hang out with him, because we are very comfortable with each other.

Just for the record - everyone is telling me to make new friends and to get a job.

Well, I have a full time job that I enjoy, and I have tons of friends!!

<em>But friends do NOT always take the place of having a relationship with someone. I think we all know that.</em>

My problem is, it is not easy to meet a guy. And I have done all the hobbies, and meet up groups, etc. Nobody is out there. And I am afraid to do the on line dating scene.

So hopefully this explains the situation!!

So what are you saying - that having a relationship with this ex is better than having friends? I don't understand you at all. If it's not "easy to meet a guy" then so be it.

The fact that you see the ex in the light of a "relationship" tells me that you still want more from him no matter the cost. It sounds like he'll "do" because having him is better than nothing.

Sorry but this is twisted. He's your EX not your current husband. He has you, he has a girlfriend, he has access to your account at the hotel etc. etc. etc. And now the adult son is running back to you with info on the new squeeze.

Yikes, girl. Get a grip and move on. 5 years is enough time already.

I've read this entire thread. Some of the answers and insinuations are brutal, but that's what you get here. There is a ton of good advice.

If I were you I'd tell my son I don't want to hear about his dad's relationship with his new woman. Then I'd scope out a new part of town, maybe near some other friends and MOVE. Once you're in a new place and not driving by the old house where your ex lives it'll be easier to move on.

Cut the strings and don't do social things with him anymore. Yes, it is comfortable but it's detrimental to your long term strategy of meeting a new man.

Try online dating. It's how I met my now husband. There are a lot of good guys out there and if you're careful about where to meet at first and screening the guy you'll find some good ones. Give it a try.

Finally, Cakers gives good advice above. It's time to MOVE ON! It's hard, but you can do it.

[KittyLouSoutenu]

That dating site, Zoosk, has the cutest commercial.

"First Comes LIKE".

So many women meet men online these days. I agree that you just have to be careful. Actually, you have to be careful no matter HOW you meet someone.

[60sgirl]

did you still love him when you got divorced? Or are you just hanging on to this relationship because you are lonely?

Believe it or not, women can have a good life without a man in it. If one comes along when you least expect it, great, but if not, life can still be good.

But as long as you continue having this much contact with an EX- you will never meet anyone because in a way he is still "around" not as your husband but obviously as someone you don't want to let go of.

[BeckiWV]

You must cut him off. Don't be surprised if he objects to that too (he is used to having you at his beck and call), but don't let him make you feel guilty about it or sorry for him.

You have to be free of him in order to move on. He is not worth your heart or your time.

[FUTURE]

Okay, I did not read the other posts, but GIRL.......you have GOT to move on and quit having so much contact with this jerk!! I don't understand! If my husband cheated on me one time, I would not be dining with him or taking his calls or going shopping. Cut the strings and STOP being a VICTIM. Enough is enough!!!

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

Not sure how old you are but my aunt and a couple friends over 50 met the loves of their lives on Our time dot com...

[Marianne1]

Ask yourself- what would you tell your best friend or sister if she came to you with this question?