Re: How do u deal with in-laws that you absolutely... - Page 3

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

smileshannon.... actions speak louder than words.... so I think their actions tell you how they feel about you.... I read some of your posts in the other thread....

I don't think it matters to them how you feel, who you are, etc. This seems to bother you greatly.

If I were so upset I might not be willing to invite them to my home, or if they showed up at my door I might open the door and call for your hubby and leave the room. Show them the same demeanor that you think they show you.... you don't have to fix dinner etc. From what you said it is all about them.... am I right?

smileshannon · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/20/2014 game-on said:
smileshannon.... actions speak louder than words.... so I think their actions tell you how they feel about you.... I read some of your posts in the other thread....

I don't think it matters to them how you feel, who you are, etc. This seems to bother you greatly.

If I were so upset I might not be willing to invite them to my home, or if they showed up at my door I might open the door and call for your hubby and leave the room. Show them the same demeanor that you think they show you.... you don't have to fix dinner etc. From what you said it is all about them.... am I right?

Yes you are right.

Hoovermom · ‎03-19-2010

I had a MIL who I never thought liked me. DH and I split family holidays for years with both sides but never got much attention from her at all. Her interest was with her youngest son and his family who used her for years. I guess they were needy, and she was able tohelp out in a lot of ways. She had some major health problems the past few years along with FIL, and we tried to see them as often as possible while DH was working and also helping with a small family business. We lived hundreds of miles away from them. On her deathbed we visited her to say our goodbyes. I expressed my love for her in bringing up such a fine man who was my DH and a great dad. She never responded to me at all. I was crushed and still today (months past her funeral) am trying to put it behind me and move on.

Mj12 · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/19/2014 smileshannon said:
I can't stand my mother and father-in-law. We could not be more opposite in how I was raised versus how they parent. It's amazing I'm married to their son. We have 3 children and the biggest flaw in our marriage is his parents. I can't step out of my own anger and frustration to see clearly anymore.

How do u deal with people that if you saw them tomorrow, next week, next month, 2 years from now, it would be too soon?

OP, I feel for you, I really do. Do your in-laws live in the same town?

HisElk · ‎09-30-2012

OP, I hear you loud and clear. After 21 years of experienced with them and seeking some professional counseling, I was told it was in everyone's best interest to avoid them.

When I was pregnant with my second child, we went to visit (they lived an hour away), the gifts the they gave me were for the "new baby" and nothing personal for me. I didn't say anything. His mother also gave me some Jenny Craig exercise/diet cassette tapes in order to lose the weight after the baby was born. Again, I didn't say anything.

The real clincher for me was when I received a 'baby' gift that I already had from my previous baby shower for my first. So it would have been a waste to keep it since I already had one. When I mentioned that I already had 'one of these', my MIL got all upset and yelled at me saying I was 'thankless' and through it at me and hit me in my belly.

At that point, I told my (then) husband that I was ready to go. She went into a rage and called me all sorts of names and I got the car keys and sat in the car until he came out.

In later years, my mother got very ill and passed on. About 2 weeks after she passed, my then MIL called one night and when I answered, she asked "how are things?" I mentioned that I missed my mom very much and her reply was "she's dead, get over it".

My answer to you is: don't let them beat you up emotionally. It's not worth it. My then husband would not stand up for me in any way, shape or form. When he wanted to visit with them, I did not go along.

It sounds to me as if they are very narcissistic people. You will never change how they think as it's all about them.

After 21 years, and 4 years of counseling, even the counselor told me that things won't change. My then husband was very controlling and learned his behaviors from his parents. We are now divorced and I am now remarried to a wonderful man. BTW, his mother and I got along very well as well as his father. Unfortunately, she has passed.

Good luck to you but please take care of YOU.

Hooty · ‎03-09-2010

Wow, tell us how you really feel, LOL!

We don't have in-laws, my parents are dead and also my DH's!

I had a mother-in-law for about 10 yrs., we got along ok, the only problem I had with her was she was still close to my DH's X-wife, and I had a problem with that!

smileshannon · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/20/2014 MJ 12 said:
On 10/19/2014 smileshannon said: <p style="line-height: 19px; margin: 12px 0px; word-wrap: break-word; outline: none; color: #434343; font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; padding: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 14px;"> I can't stand my mother and father-in-law. We could not be more opposite in how I was raised versus how they parent. It's amazing I'm married to their son. We have 3 children and the biggest flaw in our marriage is his parents. I can't step out of my own anger and frustration to see clearly anymore.
<p style="line-height: 19px; margin: 12px 0px; word-wrap: break-word; outline: none; color: #434343; font-family: Arial, helvetica, sans-serif; padding: 0px; zoom: 1; font-size: 14px;"> How do u deal with people that if you saw them tomorrow, next week, next month, 2 years from now, it would be too soon?

OP, I feel for you, I really do. Do your in-laws live in the same town?

Thank you. We live about 45 minutes apart.

smileshannon · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/20/2014 HisElk said:
OP, I hear you loud and clear. After 21 years of experienced with them and seeking some professional counseling, I was told it was in everyone's best interest to avoid them.

When I was pregnant with my second child, we went to visit (they lived an hour away), the gifts the they gave me were for the "new baby" and nothing personal for me. I didn't say anything. His mother also gave me some Jenny Craig exercise/diet cassette tapes in order to lose the weight after the baby was born. Again, I didn't say anything.

The real clincher for me was when I received a 'baby' gift that I already had from my previous baby shower for my first. So it would have been a waste to keep it since I already had one. When I mentioned that I already had 'one of these', my MIL got all upset and yelled at me saying I was 'thankless' and through it at me and hit me in my belly.

At that point, I told my (then) husband that I was ready to go. She went into a rage and called me all sorts of names and I got the car keys and sat in the car until he came out.

In later years, my mother got very ill and passed on. About 2 weeks after she passed, my then MIL called one night and when I answered, she asked "how are things?" I mentioned that I missed my mom very much and her reply was "she's dead, get over it".

My answer to you is: don't let them beat you up emotionally. It's not worth it. My then husband would not stand up for me in any way, shape or form. When he wanted to visit with them, I did not go along.

It sounds to me as if they are very narcissistic people. You will never change how they think as it's all about them.

After 21 years, and 4 years of counseling, even the counselor told me that things won't change. My then husband was very controlling and learned his behaviors from his parents. We are now divorced and I am now remarried to a wonderful man. BTW, his mother and I got along very well as well as his father. Unfortunately, she has passed.

Good luck to you but please take care of YOU.

Thank you.

Sawn · ‎03-17-2010

Counseling - for you. A good counselor can teach you non- reactive ways to cope, which will save your sanity.

Nicnacsmommy · ‎08-18-2014

I've just written my Father-in-law off for good. My husband has Cancer, he was diagnosed in July. His father called to check on him tonight and told him he has cancer because he is fat and chemo will be a good for him because he will loose weight. I was ready to go wring that old man's stinking neck when my husband told me what he said. From now on when he calls, I anwser the phone and my husband will be napping.