Community Chat

[Laura14]

@ThinkingOutLoud  Thank you!  Above and beyond.    I will check them out.

[RedTop]

Growing up on a farm I learned about death with farm animals; it happens, you accept it and you go on.

I was 49 when my dad passed; married and out of his house for 30 years. I felt a profound loss of an important person, but have always felt extremely confident my parents prepared me well to live my life.

My mom is 86 and progressing farther into the abyss of dementia. She is not in a bad place mentally yet
but hasn't been the mom I know for at least 5 years. My mom is not happy; my brothers and I cannot make her content or happy at this stage. She's made it clear she's more than ready to go when the Master calls her home, and we should find peace in her release. I do everything I can to help my mom, but I also understand her struggles and the words she has said to us, and pray with all my heart for the ability to feel her peace when she is gone. I've been on my own so long, I do not expect to feel lost or alone.

[chiclets]

@Cakers3 

"Not all donuts come out with a hole". (Old Italian saying.)

Haven't heard too many say that saying.

@Laura14 

Please pardon me for posting this on your serious thread.

Cakers gifted me with a smile within my heart.

Thank you

Chiclets

[Porcelain]

I've experienced other loss before so I know it will be horrible. And that over time I will acclimate to it. But there's no way of averting the pain beforehand.

I concentrate on talking with both of my parents regularly, doing little things for them, listening to what they have to say, getting to know them as people, not just parental figures. Enjoying them and joking with them, making them laugh. And I tell them and show them with the way I talk to them that I love them. Now is what is important, not the future.

I think the best we can do is to have as few regrets as possible. Process and forgive (if possible) any mistakes they inevitably made without meaning to -- while they are still alive. Having a relationship without that pain getting in the way is a huge gift to them and us. And I know that the loss will be horrible no matter what I do and that the eventual absence is part of the deal of loving.

Edited to add: That anxiety that you mention, when I feel that, I use it as fuel to make myself call or do something else I know I need to do for them even when I'm tired or don't feel like doing it. Use the anxiety to make them a priority while you still have them.

[ThinkingOutLoud]

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@Laura14 wrote:

@ThinkingOutLoud   I'd love that.  I actually have a lot of groups on Facebook based on a couple of my hobbies but if you know of some other good ones, I am all eyes.  

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Just remembered something and wanted to mention it. Years ago, I was in a facebook group that was very rewarding friendship-wise. It's based on the 'dressing your truth' energy types so we 'got each other'. I'm not sure if they've changed the rules to be/participate in it but at the time, nearly all topics were allowed and you just needed to be familiar with the personality system. Anyway, it may be worth looking into - there's a group for each of the 4 types. =)

[Mominohio]

My mom is the last surviving parent that we have and the only grandparent my son ever got to know as the rest were gone before he was born. 

And I'm not in the same position you are, in that I do have a husband and son, but I can tell you I am seeing my 84 year old mom failing and much quicker the last two years or so. 

I'm trying to get myself prepared for loosing her. Some days I deal with it in a real detached and intellectual way, and other days, I literally break down in tears knowing what I have yet to go through. 

I don't really have any words of wisdom, or any magic solution to share about the subject. I do know that just the fact that you are aware of what's coming, that you are trying to prepare yourself emotionally is a good sign that you are ready to handle the inevitable. 

I try not to wallow in what is to come, and enjoy what we have left. But there are times it does just hit hard, and I cry about it and move on.

[Lindsays Grandma]

Oh dear Laura, I don't know if one can prepare for the death of a loved one.  I lived three thousand miles for many, many years from where my parents lived.  I was a mother, divorced with children and had a career when they passed on.  Of course that meant I was on my own for a long time which perhaps made it easier when they passed.  One thing I will say is that I  miss them and think of them often, particularly when life hits hard and there is no one to turn to. 

I miss my three wonderful friends who left us because of breast cancer.  Enjoy what you have now and when the time comes to say goodbye know that you showed your mother how much you loved her, and life does go on, maybe not so easy for a period of time, but then again, time heals all wounds.  You'll be fine, I promise you. 

[Laura14]

I am always amazed but no longer surprised by the kindness of this group.  Thank you to everyone who shared and offered advice on a tough topic.  It made an uneasy day more comfortable and a future more clear and with better perspective than I had before.

You are a wonderful group.  ❤️🙂

[Laura14]

@Mominohio Virtually hugging you.  ❤️

[ID2]

My Mom and I were very close. We'd talk about everything. She'd always say to me "After I'm gone do this and that..." All the time she'd tell me things. When the time did come her words were very powerful in helping me cope. I did every one of those things she ramble on about. It's been many years now since both of my parents have gone, and I still cling to their words.