How do I handle this? - Page 4

focksie · ‎03-04-2012

I'll relate a personal experience that may apply in some way to your situation.

My dad passed away years ago. I was very close with him. I spent a lot more time with my mom after his death trying to help her out, be good company, support her. My mom, a wonderful woman, met someone a couple of years after my dad passed. I reacted very poorly to her new "boyfriend". Even at my mature age. I had complex emotions about it that I'm not even sure I can verbalize. I felt she betrayed my dad. I somehow felt betrayed by her. There was something just not right to me about her merrily going on with someone else. Most of all, I think I probably felt tossed aside since she was now spending more time with him. That's the best I can explain it.

I was stubborn in not wanting to see her when she was with this man, I didn't want to have anything to do with him. I acted like a two year old for a few months. How I cringe when I think of how stupidly and immaturely I acted. Then I came around and got to know him. What a wonderful human being! I even told him a couple of years later that he was like a second father to me. That made him feel wonderful as he always wanted a daughter. He has since passed on too but I know if my mom were to meet another man, I'd be all for it.

Your sister is still grieving. The dynamics have changed between the two of you now that you have met someone else. She has depended on you like she really can't with any of her friends or acquaintances. In my (maybe uneducated) opinion, it's probably not easy for her to accept this changing situation and relationship because of her grief. It has been the one dependable and comforting aspect of her life.

Like others have said, I would lay low with your new bf and continue to see him on your own time. I have every confidence that your sister will come around...in time.

Madisson · ‎10-13-2011

On 11/1/2014 focksie said:
Your sister is still grieving. The dynamics have changed between the two of you now that you have met someone else. She has depended on you like she really can't with any of her friends or acquaintances. In my (maybe uneducated) opinion, it's probably not easy for her to accept this changing situation and relationship because of her grief. It has been the one dependable and comforting aspect of her life.

There is no education like experience, focksie! You gave great advice.

Some people do drugs. I do shoes....Celine Dion

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

I think ,for the most part, these other ladies are probably right. I come from a story where I tried to talk my sister out of marrying her first love in high school. I did not think he would be faithful. Just the way he looked at me made me feel uneasy at times. Then one day he made a pass at me a few months before they were married. I did tell my sister but she went ahead a married him. He was not a faithful husband and the marriage ended up in divorce and they had a child. While this situation is totally different from yours and we were very young....I couldn't help but think that a part of her just wants you to be happy and very sure.

mzlg · ‎04-28-2011

On 10/31/2014 occasional rain said:
Some people are more intuitive than others. Maybe the man is all he seems to be and maybe your sister is right. Every day women are taken in by charming men who turn out to be a big mistake. Before you get more involved, doing a background check will satisfy your sister if nothing is amiss and warn you off if something is.

occasional rain, I like your suggestion - a background check! The best employers will do one before an employee is hired to be "part of the family". Everyone has 'baggage' that they bring into a relationship, some more than others and some more dirty than others, just well hidden. Our family and friends knew a young man for years and it wasn't until a short time after he married a dear friend of ours that his true self appeared. Thankfully, she is no longer with him, but the damage has been done and he still has some friends and his family duped.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

This is just one more change that your sister has to deal with. It might be easier to keep the two parts of you life separate for now, but by no means, give him up just because she is leery of him.