Community Chat

[Madisson]

Pommom, the empathy and help you have given your sister is very admirable, but you have no reason to feel remorseful for dating this man. It's time to back off just a little from the extreme presence you have been in your sister's life. Very slowly back off until you reach the normal relationship you had with her prior to her husband's death. Currently, she is relying a little too much on you. It's great that she has such a large support system and is going ahead and living her life as she wants to. In time, she may even start dating again. However, will she ask for your permission to date a certain man and invite him to family events? The answer is "no." Your sister may be comparing this man to her husband. Right now, she may not care for anyone you date. Unless you have a gut feeling that there is something "off" about the man you are dating, I would just continue your relationship with him without your sister's blessings. Best wishes for a great relationship with your sister and the man you are dating.

[pommom]

Madisson - did you look inside my soul? Couldn't agree more with everything you said.

Bless you.

[LilacTree]

"Time" is what is needed. Give her time, and give the new relationship time. Six months at least. I think it will work out the way it's supposed to.

[jubilant]

If you are sisters who have been and are really into each other, I would at least listen to what she has to say. Take your time with this man of yours and don't rush into anything. Sometimes a sister has real strong instincts that should be, at the least, entertained a little. If she is right or wrong....time will tell.

[Madisson]

On 11/1/2014 pommom said:

Madisson - did you look inside my soul? Couldn't agree more with everything you said.

Bless you.

You're welcome.

[depglass]

I've seen this in a few of my single friends. Once some other friend finds a love interest, the single feels left out. And one in particular starts finding all kinds of non-existent faults with the new boyfriend.

[Shorty2U]

I am so sorry for your sisters loss. It seems she is just watching out for you. I think you said it all in your last paragraph. I would tell her that (in a NICE way). Good Luck!

[BellaPaprika]

I find that Americans, being generally uncomfortable with the subject of death, often give the grieving the advice to essentially "get over it" rather quickly. The sister's husband only died about 2 months ago and the OP's "friend" has only been in the picture less than that. Having him already a presence at family celebrations and gatherings sounds a bit rushed and intrusive. I'm going to take a slightly different tack from some other posters and tell the OP to put the brakes on just a little with the bf. It's difficult for older family members to accept new faces in the family circle and most especially when a brother-in-law has just died 2 months ago. The OP sounds a bit giddy with her new romance but she needs to remember that a sister is forever. Give her the time and support she needs - and that is more than 2 months. If this boyfriend is a keeper he will understand and wait for a more appropriate time to get close to family.

[NoelSeven]

On 10/31/2014 missyw1 said:

Why would you bring a guy you have dated a few times, to family celebrations?

Why not? They want to be together.

My family was always accepting of boyfriends, girlfriends and just good friends family members wanted to share a celebration with.

[NoelSeven]

pommom,

I can see that you're happy and that's so nice Most people gave you good advice, just give your sister the time she needs. Your guy sounds like a wonderful man and I am happy for you both