Re: House guests

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

@jackthebear wrote:
@denisemb wrote:
I've already solved this problem, but wondering about others' viewpoints.

I live in FL and every year my SIL and her daughter stay a few days pre and post cruise at our home. No problem, other than we have no idea when they're arriving/leaving. (I.E.,last year, we knew when they disembarking the ship and wondered about 5:00 pm if they would be coming for dinner - when I called, they were out to dinner with her cousins and were staying there for two days. Nice to let me know.)

This year is even worse. My brother wants to come along (not go on the cruise, but he didn't like being left alone for 3 weeks last year and will visit his "buddies" in FL.) They have a weird (AKA bad) relationship and my SIL doesn't want him to come because this is her "getaway" time from him. But they don't "talk". I have no idea if he's coming, if he plans on using our home for a hotel while he visits during the week or what the heck is going on. They supposedly leaving next Tuesday. They tend to do things "by the seat of the pants" and I like to plan.

DH & I are in our 60's with health problems. Is this normal?
Denise

@denisemb so how did you solve it,

@jackthebear See Post #4 on pg. 1.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

I went back and reread #4. Ok thanks.

Jacie · ‎01-09-2011

You have been very generous.

I get your situation because I live on a beautiful lake where everyone wants to be in the summer! When we had people the first few years everyone brought food, their own beach towels, beverages, contributions for boat gas etc. Slowly but surely that stopped and friends and family just started showing up.

The first year that we put our feet down was the hardest. Just explained that while we loved company, our schedules were tough, and we like to best serve our guests when they are here and to do that we need planning. I flat out told them I had difficulty with drop-in company!

Some took it well and planned, brought food, towels etc. and admitted they'd been rude! Couldn't believe it! Others we don't hear from so much anymore and that's OK.

We love our lake place, we want everyone to enjoy it. But bottom line, I want to enjoy it too!

"Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral." -Garfield

PINKdogWOOD · ‎05-13-2010

@denisemb IMO, I can't even imagine people, friends, family members just popping in thinking this is okay with you and your family members. This practice is just RUDE. Do they expect you to be home sitting around just waiting, anticipating their arrival?

First, if they can't even let you know when they'll be there, there's lots of hotels around for them to stay in. And even if they tell you they're doing a cruise and will be in your area, how dare they assume it's okay to bunk up with you instead of booking themselves a hotel room.

How insane is that?

FrostyBabe · ‎12-23-2015

As a general rule, I don't have houseguests. I constantly have people who I rarely see up north insist that they absolutely must come see me at the beach. I politely, but very firmly, tell them that I'm not equipped to have house guests but can provide them with a list of hotels in the area. I deliberately don't have a guest room, so on the rare occassion that I invite someone to visit me, they have to be happy with the pull-out sofa in the living room.

~not a new poster, not a new name, never banned, not my first day at the rodeo~

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I understand the OP's dilemma. It is family, and more accurately, husband's family. In a marriage, when all the 'outlaws' aren't one big happy family, one tries to remember that since getting married, 'my' family isn't the only family I now have. My spouse has a family and it is 'our' home and I may have to entertain/endure some of his family that I'd rather not, just like he now has to put up with some of mine.

There is a line that it is NOT ok for those folks to cross, though, and you have definitely reached it.

If you live a 'fly by the seat of your pants' kind of life, and can love them doing so with you, that is great! But it is obvious that isn't you, and you shouldn't be required to put up with this year after year. If it was a once every five or ten year occurrence, I'd say try to go with the flow, and enjoy what you can of family. But it appears they expect you to just be there if, when, and how they need you, with no notice, planning or concern for what works (or doesn't) for you.

I, too would have told them that it just wasn't going to work this time, and see if, without slamming the door entirely on the process, they might just go away and never come back (for this annual torture, not forever on all accounts).

My feeling is if they can afford to go on a cruise, they can plan financially to pay for hotels while in the area as well.

DoneTryin · ‎03-09-2010

I'm appalled that people would treat each other like this, & especially family! It's thoughtless & rude, to say the very least. For my entire life, whenever anyone visits, family or friends, there's always a lot of advance communication & no one ever assumes they can just stay with the person they're visiting. Where were these people raised anyway?????

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

My LBI daughter gets this often. If one lives on the shore, it is expected. One couple, friends of her then husband, even used to bring their huge dog! Last time they were down, he had a fatal heart attack coming out of the ocean, the lifeguards could not save him. It was a tragic event. My daughter does not have any contact with the wife anymore.

Her ex-MIL expected to stay every summer, and she lives on one of the Florida Keys islands. That was always a very negative experience. She hasn't done it in a few years.

My daughter has several friends who come to stay a few days, but she's happy to have them.

As far as my daughter and me, we have a small apartment and we are both chronically ill. No one in my family would even think of asking us to stay here. An overnight once in a while if the individual did not mind sleeping on the sofa is the most we could ever do.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

When we lived in Florida, we had friends call all the time to stay with us. Most of them only used us as a motel. After a few of these experiences, we said no to anyone else who wanted to stay with us, except our parents.

denisemb · ‎12-07-2012

@151949 wrote:
Why don't you just ask them , point blank , what you need to know? I don't understand why you stay in the dark when telephone calls are very easy to make and a few pointed questions can clear everything up.
We too have friends who stay with us pre and post cruises but they would never be so rude as to not write and give us all the necessary info well in advance, including when they plan to arrive and depart and to ASK us if we are free to see them at that time.Sometimes it is just an overnight and sometimes it is a few days. We really enjoy them and alway clear our schedules for them.

Just wanted to address this one. I did ask point blank if my brother is coming or not. I called them the day after Christmas (their Christmas Day is crazy because they don't know who and when anyone is showing up - sound familiar?) and I also called New Year's to wish them a HNY.

I just got a flippant answer of "I don't know, I hope not" both times. When I asked "when do you plan on finding out?" it was "Maybe he'll change his mind and not come."

Anyway, thanks to all of you who took the time to respond and give me their viewpoints. I greatly appreciate it!

Now I'll work on making my guest bedroom less inviting (TV, DVD player, robes, a basket of extra toiletries in their bath, etc.) LOL

(I may have lost my mind, but not my sense of humor!)

Denise