Community Chat

[Mominohio]

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@151949 wrote:

My DH just loves to have holidays at home with as many friends & family as possible.Of course, he does absolutely NOTHING of the work. We are having 6 guests for Thanksgiving and 4 for Christmas. I'll be exhausted. And while I'm cleaning it all up by myself he'll be asleep.

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My husband used to pull this same thing, and I simply made it clear that it would be no more. If he didn't help with the set up and tear down, there would be no more. 

He was glad to help, once he realized it was the way to keep his family coming for such events. I think sometimes that people only do to us/treat us they way we allow them to. If you continue to give to and do for people that don't either appreciate it or give back, it's on you.

[Patriot3]

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@CalminHeart wrote:

I like Thanksgiving but I hate Christmas.  If we could go from Black Friday to New Year's Day, I'd be very happy.

This year is the worst!  Mom is receiving Hospice care.  It's our last Thanksgiving with her.  We don't know if she'll make it to Christmas.  

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I am so sorry you have to endure this........

[gidgetgh]

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@CalminHeart wrote:

I like Thanksgiving but I hate Christmas.  If we could go from Black Friday to New Year's Day, I'd be very happy.

This year is the worst!  Mom is receiving Hospice care.  It's our last Thanksgiving with her.  We don't know if she'll make it to Christmas.  

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@CalminHeart- Sending warm thoughts your way. The last Thanksgiving and especially that Christmas before my mom died were the worst of my life because we all knew they were her last.  It was so very difficult.  I can still hardly bear to think about it. I'm so sorry about your mom. 

[Mominohio]

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@Mz iMac wrote:

@Stormygirl

Thank you!!

My days of doing all the "family holiday dinners," decorating the whole house for each holiday spending time w/family & close friends have been long gone for me.

When I retired, I told " the family & close friends" don't invite me to your house over the holidays.  I will plop my skinny self on a couch & NOT contribute or help out w/anything  & don't expect to come to mine.  Why?...... because I'm entitled & I won't be there!!!!

It's my time baby!!

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I'm all about people doing what they want...to a point.

I don't know your situation at all, but I do know that my mom is not into the holidays like she was before my dad died (clear back in 1979), and she ruins the holidays for others much of the time. 

She is 'sick' or she picks fights, or she shows up just long enough to say she did, then goes home. In my opinion. over all these years, she needed to find a way to still be there in a better capacity for her children and grandchildren. 

Some years are better than others, and she still expects to be included, but honestly, when people act up at the holidays or simply duck out completely, they often aren't realizing that they are hurting those around them, the ones that are still here. 

Everyone realizes that shortyly after a loss, lack of interest is to be expected, or after retirement, grandma and grandpa are going to take some time for themselves and maybe not put on the big events they once did. But people should still consider those who have been in their lives all these years, and what effect their choices and moods are having on others.

[vermint]

We do Thanksgiving at my house--have had as many as 25 people, this year probably only 5 of us. I never got around to "fall" decorating, so I'll put a vintage turkey soup tureen on the dining room table and a Jim Shore cornucopia on the island & call it good! Might actually use the good china this year since there are so few of us, and all adults. It has to be handwashed (old, belonged to my mom) so I don't use it often. But no matter how many people I have and what dishes get used, everyone always pitches in with bringing sides and cleaning up. All I have to do after everyone leaves is wash tablecloths! I've never had to ask for this help, either, they just do it.

We still put up a tree and sit some things around for Christmas...not much. We don't have kids, all but one parent is gone, and we opted out of most gift buying a long time ago--that money now goes to our church for their various community holiday projects. We'll get together with my family Christmas Eve morning at my Dad's house for a huge breakfast, and go to my sister-in-law's on Christmas for dinner with DH's family. Since Christmas is on Sunday this year, there'll be church in the morning. I'm looking forward to a stress-free holiday.

[Hayfield]

I've always enjoyed the holidays but as I get older I do less since it takes me twice as long to get things done.  DH always helps with tree and on the actual holiday, he'll help in other ways too.   I feel blessed to have family & friends to spend the holidays with, many people are alone.  I don't mind buying people presents, it's coming up with ideas of what to get them.  When I was newly married it was more stressful since our parents were still alive and trying to please both sets of parents was a chore and we lived out of town.   I have two children and they don't have SO's yet, so the holidays are so much more enjoyable.  When the day comes that I have to "share" them I'll try to be as easy going as I can about it and know that their SO's have parents too and be more flexible.    If I have to have Thanksgiving a week early or a week late, so be it.  If DH & I end up by ourselves at times, so be it.  I don't want to be like my mother was, a real pain.  I love her and miss her but if it wasn't her way it was no way.   My DH's parents were actually more easy in that department.  

[RubyNoel]

Normally I love the holidays but this year is different.  My only sibling {sister} passed away in January and both of my parent's are also deceased.  We do live by my MIL who is elderly so we will celebrate with her. The rest of our families are far away. I'm trying to develop new holiday traditions that will maybe be a benefit to someone else. One thing I did was sign up for the Christmas card angel project someone on the boards mentioned, I'm really looking forward to dong the cards! 

[Oostende]

I love Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's Day!

I love the snow and the smell of wood smoke.  I love the cool weather, the wonderful music, the beauty of the decorations, the movies that we watch together every year.

My only child and her husband and my grandson, who will be one year old in early December, live close by and we all get together very frequently.

My mother-in-law passed away this year.  Our dog died, too.  We'd had him 14 years.  My son-in-law's mother is on hospice.

Tragedy and despair comes to all lives sooner or later.  For us, despair is turned to hope at Christmastime.

Merry Christmas to all!  

[pitdakota]

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@CalminHeart wrote:

I like Thanksgiving but I hate Christmas.  If we could go from Black Friday to New Year's Day, I'd be very happy.

This year is the worst!  Mom is receiving Hospice care.  It's our last Thanksgiving with her.  We don't know if she'll make it to Christmas.  

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I am so sorry to hear this @CalminHeart.  It does really make things very stressful.  You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[pitdakota]

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@goldensrbest wrote:

Does any one ever feel that they just don't want to do the holiday thing any more?

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I totally understand that feeling @goldensrbest.  The past couple of holidays have been hard for us since I lost my father and then my mother.  On top of the holidays, both of my parents had birthdays in December. So December used to be a crazy and hectic time, but in a wonderful way. 

Last year was the first time for me going through the holidays without both of them.  In fact, I was dreading it so much...we ended up taking everyone to Disney World right before Christmas.  It helped distract from the fact that Christmas was coming. 

This year I am trying to focus on the tradition and excitment for our kids and our grandson.  I am so grateful for my family and they are the focus for the holidays this year.   I will get there, I think.