Community Chat

[beach-mom]

Every year we face this.

DH had four sisters. One died when she was younger, one is single, one is divorced, and one is a widow. I like to get them and his widowed brother-in-law gifts they will appreciate. I already have this year's gifts ready to send, which costs almost as much as the gifts themselves! 

Two of DH's sisters send gift cards to our children and gifts to us. His brother-in-law sends a family gift to us.

The question is the next generation, all but one male, and most now married with families. They have never given us gifts.

We send gift cards to each one, one card whether a nephew is single or has a family. We never get a thank you.

DH wants to stop the gift cards. I have been through decisions in the past with his sisters, and quickly learned to let them make the decisions. 

One of my friends said she's going through the same thing.

Are any of you going through this? Any advice? DH won't talk to his sisters about this, and I certainly won't either! 

[Mz iMac]

Yup!

I send them a card but no $$$.  I stopped once they were in their teens because, I never received so much as a "thank you" from them.  They now have "families" of their own.

My mother went one step further.  She cut them all out of her will.

[Mersha]

@beach-mom   If I sent a gift card to a family member and they did not reciprocate or even acknowledge the gift, I would understand they are not interested in exchanging gifts. 

Gift cards would end immediately.

[Effie54]

We had the same issue. Everyone felt they had to buy gifts for everyone, but either the person didn't really need anything or they didn't know what to buy....enter gift cards. My niece spoke up and politely asked if we could stop purchasing the gift cards. No one really wanted them. We just buy for the young ones now. Everyone else just enjoys the food and drink. 

[Karie2022]

I dont know why people struggle with this; if i send out gifts and am not reciprocated or thanked, thats it-no more gifts, maybe a card. My elderly mother struggles and complains about this every year, every birthday etc...i tell her stop sending them gifts. It typically goes on deaf ears and then i have to hear her complain ad nauseum for several weeks that no one thanked her.

[jackthebear]

---

@beach-mom wrote:

Every year we face this.

DH had four sisters. One died when she was younger, one is single, one is divorced, and one is a widow. I like to get them and his widowed brother-in-law gifts they will appreciate. I already have this year's gifts ready to send, which costs almost as much as the gifts themselves! 

Two of DH's sisters send gift cards to our children and gifts to us. His brother-in-law sends a family gift to us.

The question is the next generation, all but one male, and most now married with families. They have never given us gifts.

We send gift cards to each one, one card whether a nephew is single or has a family. We never get a thank you.

DH wants to stop the gift cards. I have been through decisions in the past with his sisters, and quickly learned to let them make the decisions. 

One of my friends said she's going through the same thing.

Are any of you going through this? Any advice? DH won't talk to his sisters about this, and I certainly won't either! 

---

just stop, everyone will be glad you did

[jackiejenny]

What @jackthebear said. 

[GingerHead]

@beach-mom 

   Yep, same thing here...we'd send Mrs. Prindables apples or  Juniors Cheese Cake to my brother-in-law and wife every year with not so much as a mention but we did hear from my husband's mother that they talked about how much they loved it to her....why they didn't thank us or even tell us they got it is a mystery because we get along with them. 

So we just stopped it all together because we felt it was very rude not to thank us or at the very least mention that they received it....

I've honestly gotten to the place where giving gifts outside of my immediate family (husband & dog) and mother-in-law seems more like an obligation.

Kinda like well you got me something last year (that shh, oh by the way, I threw away...sorry bad but I don't eat or like so and so) and now I gotta get you something this year that you're probably going to throw away anyway!

[Mersha]

@GingerHead   I just cannot grasp how you could gift the apples or cheesecake to someone and not get so much as a quick email thanking you. 

It is incredibly insensitive and rude. 

[haddon9]

Yes!  I have been going through this (DH is oblivious when it comes to gift giving to extended family).

All of my nephews and their wives are in their mid to late thirties and make good money.  I'm sure they have a better income than us.  Three of them have PhDs from prestigious schools. 

My point is that they may be smart and have a great career but when it comes to gifting they suddenly act like they are little kids.  They love getting gifts but it would be nice if they acted like grown ups when visiting older relatives.

The part that annoys me is that I host almost every Christmas but none of them ever bring anything.  No dessert, bottle of wine box, of chocolates, etc.  It's not that I need any of those things since I can certainly go buy it for myself but it would be nice if they showed appreciation the way adults do when going to someone's house who has provided a nice dinner.  Who goes to someone's house empty handed?!

Instead it's their mom, my sister in law, who will bring multiple desserts, and extra bottle of wine, etc.  It's like mommy is still taking care of certain things.

I have decided to stop gifting my one nephew and wife who doesn't come anymore since he lives too far but will ship gifts to their young sons.  I'm lucky if I get a thank you.

The other two I will see in person so I will continue to give them gift cards since sister in law gives to my two adult kids......I will have to take it year by year.

If I didn't see them in person and they never reciprocated or let you know that they received the gift with a simple than you, then I would stop.