Community Chat

[Meowingkitty]

I have a BIL who for many years we would send him and his wife some kind of gift. Usually food basket. Crickets. Never a thank you or even a Christmas card. We don't even know if they got it or trashed it or gave it away. So we just stopped. I would rather save the money.

[VanSleepy]

In our family we stop giving birthday and Christmas gifts to the nieces and nephews when they turn 18. After that they can put their name in the grab bag if they want to. When they started having children I would send a gift for the new baby, but  never started giving those kids birthday or Christmas gifts. I'm glad I did that because how do you stop once you start. I didn’t want my list getting bigger and bigger for the rest of my life.

I should add that I live in a different state so was not present for any parties for great- nieces or nephews and they don't really know me. 

[Sooner]

My thought is if it is siblings and gifts are exchanged, don't rock the boat.

Nieces and nephews, if you are close to them and love and communicate with them, a small gift or gift card is lovely.  If you never see or hear from them, send a card and forget it.  

With gifts it's about love and relationships, not obligations--or should be.  I wouldn't worry about people I have no relationship with.  If you don't hear from, even when you send a gift, what's the point in that?

[beach-mom]

Thanks for your replies everyone!

@haddon9 - I can't believe they don't bring anything when they come to your home!

Like you said @kate2357 , we used to give each other gifts throughout the year. We live a long way from each other, but DH's one sister and her family who came a lot throughout the years never came without a gift. I never went up without gifts either, any time of the year. I enjoyed selecting handmade ornaments to take up at Thanksgiving. I took his sister who hosted us something else too. One of his sisters has never been in our home at all, despite my many invitations. 

Now that DH's father, along with that generation of our family, is gone we don't go up much. We haven't seen any of them since the summer after we all came out of quarantine. DH's one sister, the sister who visited us frequently throughout the years, was widowed right before the pandemic. She was barely in her 50's. Our brother-in-law is missed. They were the ones who hosted everyone, in the house DH grew up in. My sister-in-law no longer wants to have the annual Thanksgiving dinner and summer party. I can understand. Her late husband was always the life of the party.

So this year I will probably do what we've done, maybe decreasing the amount of the gift cards a little. 

[FancyPhillyshopper]

It is amazing that so many of the younger generation possess such bad manners and were never taught to thank their family members for gifts.

Slowly and sadly the older generation is fading away, and thus will disappear all the grace, and etiquette, and kindness of past societies.  

It is also regrettable that many families are not as connected as previously.

I agree--practice more self-care, and gift yourself first!

Life moves forward in cyber space, and with artificial intelligence.

[SaveTheTurtles]

I would stop the gift exchange altogether. Aren't you just trading in a way by the time you each send gifts and pay for shipping, especially if you've got an agreed to dollar amount. Everyone could just call it a day and forego it. Would be simpler and stress free too I bet. 

[Roscoe the Rascal]

We never gave our siblings and nieces and nephew gifts.  We all have our own families  and never really started doing that.  We did gifts for our parents and aunts and grandparents.   

When I would host I would give little fun gifts.  Sometimes others would give a little something too.  My sister use to give bags with candy and a little of this and that and scratch off tickets. 

We do remember each others birthdays and always gave for graduations and weddings and that sort of thing.  

[AZfem]

In my family of birth, the rule was once kids graduated high school the gifts stopped. The adults did not gift each other unless someone was alone with no partner or kids.  Both sides followed this.   

Once the kids start having kids its goes on forever with more & more gifts to buy. You have to put a stop somewhere or you'd be bankrupt!

I'd rather give more or better gifts to my immediate family than all these scattered relatives you hardly know & see twice a year & don't know what they want or like. 

[Big Joanie]

that's my big bug a boo ... not even letting me know if the pkg. .. check ..

or gift card even arrived .....

[jubilant]

We give our grandsons and their wives gift cards and something small to open.  Our two great-grandsons we give a gift to open. They are 9 and 18 months. Our daughter and son-in-law will get gift cards too. 

Everyone always thanks us before we leave our Christmas gathering (which my daughter has taken over for me the past 2 yrs). We thank them all,too. That's enough thanks for me.