Community Chat

[apple1964]

It depends on the situation and who the person was and how important it was to me. I do not forget my memory is too long.. forgiveness is another story. Some people are just toxic it is what it is.

[esmeraldagooch]

Op. Not every one who harms you apologizes. Also relatives who purposely hurt you are the worse. There is no escaping them.

[cotton4me]

For me, forgiveness is an ongoing process.I can forgive someone and then something happens and my old feelings return.I have to begin the process again. I don’t like to hang onto negative feelings.I think forgiveness is especially difficult when the behavior of the other person never changes, and the hurts keep piling on.

One example would be my former boss, who I suspect was a psychopath.He enjoyed hurting people and did things just for that purpose.I would try to let it go and tell myself there was something mentally wrong with him.I would get to a place of forgiveness, only to have the anger return at some point.It was a constant battle for me.

Some forgiveness is easier than others.I can forgive some people right away and truly forget, but for others it’s more difficult.

[LilacTree]

I had a friend who always rewrote history. She was an excellent liar, so good that she could fool a lie detector test. About three years ago, she lied to me about something I witnessed happen. When I protested, she then excoriated me on the phone about how I handle my illnesses. Then she whispered "someone was coming" so that she could hang up. I put the phone down on my desk and did not respond.

Three weeks later I received an email from her telling me "she doesn't communicate that way," blaming me for how our conversation went, and advising me never to call her again. That was about three years ago.

We had been friends since we were eight years old. When we had disagreements in the past I was always the one to pick up the phone and call her. Last time before this past event it was when I heard that her 19-year-old grandson had shot himself to death. This time, I will not call her and I know she will not call me because she was caught in a lie and knows I know it. She can't handle that. She's used to getting away with her lies.

Would I forgive her if she called me? It would depend upon what she said. Will I forget it? No. Moot point, however, because she will never call me.

[JuJu Squeezie]

By the time some one has conducted themselves so that I would have a grudge against them, I have put them into my "indifference file".

[jubilant]

On 1/18/2015 Smaug said:

On 1/18/2015 jubilant said:

I read something many years ago that helped put forgiveness more in perspective for me. I have referred to it often over the years. It kind of paints a picture.

"Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs. A forgiving heart opens the door to any who knock. But entry into the home (that is, the heart) does not occur until the muddy shoes and dirty coat have been taken off. The offender must repent if true intimacy and reconciliation is ever to take place.<br /> That means that cheap forgiveness - peace at any cost that sacrifices honesty, integrity, and passion--- is not true forgiveness".

I like this. Certainly food for thought. Thanks for sharing it.

You're welcome, Smaug.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

I forgive people, but I have enough common sense to stay away from proven toxic people....some people are just ornery and take pleasure in tormenting/hurting/putting down others - usually before an audience.

Of course I don't associate with someone like that; but I don't hold a grudge against them, either. I just realize there's something wrong with them.

When I discuss "forgiveness," I think more along the lines of someone ACCIDENTALLY hurting your feelings, or making you feel slighted in some way.

[hyacinth003]

I don't think there is a simple answer to this. It also lies in the grievance held. Some are way easier to "forgive and forget" than others.

If the other person NEVER acknowledges the issues, it is almost impossible to actually forgive.

So, I think the best you can do is try to forget at some point the best you can.

There are some things that happen that tell you a person should never be allowed in your life again. I agree with when someone lets you know what they are, believe them.

For your own sake, it will be best when YOU can move on. Doesn't always mean the other person deserves forgiveness in all its forms.

Hyacinth

[dooBdoo]

On 1/18/2015 Smaug said:

On 1/18/2015 jubilant said:

I read something many years ago that helped put forgiveness more in perspective for me. I have referred to it often over the years. It kind of paints a picture.

"Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs. A forgiving heart opens the door to any who knock. But entry into the home (that is, the heart) does not occur until the muddy shoes and dirty coat have been taken off. The offender must repent if true intimacy and reconciliation is ever to take place.<br /> That means that cheap forgiveness - peace at any cost that sacrifices honesty, integrity, and passion--- is not true forgiveness".

I like this. Certainly food for thought. Thanks for sharing it.

I agree, Gato. This is a great, thought-provoking philosophy.

Thanks, jubilant! This is another of your quotes I'm going to save and share!

[SugarNSpice]

NM