Help, let's talk wedding costs.

Mustang Shar · ‎03-24-2010

Hi Everyone,

My daughter got engaged to her long time boyfriend of 10 years. I'm so happy!

But as a widow who has recently retired, I think her idea of how much I should spend and MY idea of how much, are far apart.

Financially, I'm ok. I have a couple of Pensions and SS surviving spouse benefit. Wedding is a year away, but we still have to book a venue.

I have been on line comparing prices....ouch. I must have been crazy to think I could do a 70 person wedding for $5000. In the Chicago Suburbs, I'm seeing $7000. So I text her, my budget was $5000.00 and I'm kind of shocked at the prices. Plus, that's not including flowers, video , photographer, DJ...omg. She text's back she doesn't want to compromise on her plans. Sorry, but somebody has to. It's very easy to get carried away. I really can't afford $116 a plate.

i gave her a large chunk of the life insurance from her Dads death. My thought is, I will put in $5000 and she can put up the difference. She's 33 just finished her degree and working 2 part time jobs, one of which is in her career path.

Heres the questions...lol : how much for a small wedding these days? Yikes, LOL. Thanks for your experienced help.

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

I never had a daughter so I might be out of order, but it seems to me if the happy couple is in their 20's+ and have been working, they should bear the brunt of wedding expenses. Certainly they should not expect a widowed mother to jeopardize her financial security.

I'd give them a conservative dollar amount and tell them the rest is on them. You could also offer to pay for the dress and let them pay for the wedding.

The old rules of parents of the bride paying were made back when most women did not get a good education or. Job.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

Giving your 33-year-old daughter $5000 for a wedding is generous. Let the two of them supplement that amount for the "dream" wedding.

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

She's 33 and supporting herself and marrying a man who is also presumably supporting himself. You don't owe her a wedding that you can't afford to pay for. If she doesn't want to compromise, then she better start saving.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

She doesn't want to compromise her wedding plans?

Tell her you don't want to compromise your financial future.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

The couples I know, paid for most /or all of their wedding. Your 5,000 is generous. Why should the parents pay anyways?

terriebear · ‎09-26-2010

We just did a wedding for our daughter for $3500 for 250 people. We had cake, cupcakes, mints. nuts, coffee, water, and punch. No sit down dinner, no fancy this or that. But she got to invite everyone that her and her husband wanted. And you know what? No one talked about it a week later and said "I can't believe that I didn't get served the same old chicken dinner and salad". We had a dance floor and Dj. And everyone had a great time. Friends donated their home which happened to be a mansion. Really. It was lovely. It was paid for without a loan and no one was broke over it. We gave up credit cards about 7 years ago. It was the best decision we ever made. We had a frank discussion with the kids about what we could pay and we paid what we said we would. At the end of the day they were married. Mission accomplished.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

Congratulations to your daughter and her fiance.

Being the MOB can be very a emotional time and a rollar coaster ride for mom and daughter.

It is so easy to get caught up in the moment and spend more money than we know we are comfortable with.

I would suggest that you just give your daughter a set amount of money (whatever you feel comfortable with) and let her do the planning and allow her and her finace to pony up the rest if they want to spend more than your allowance.

BTW: $116 a plate not including the drinks and cake is not an usual price for a wedding anymore.

Off topic: I was surprised at the recent topic on the forums where a bride sent a bill to guests who did not show up and did not cancel. Though what the bride did was tacky, I can understand her frustration. We wasted a couple of thousand of dollars on no show guests when my daughter got married.

I hope your daughter can plan a nice wedding on a budget. It is a waste of money IMO to spend so much money on a party.

nunya · ‎03-09-2010

@tansy wrote:
Giving your 33-year-old daughter $5000 for a wedding is generous. Let the two of them supplement that amount for the "dream" wedding.

I agree, I would feel selfish asking my Mother for more than she offered or could afford.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

When i got engaged my parents gave me a certain amount of money for my wedding. I agreed to keep it under that and i did. Were there things like fancy flower arrangements on every table - no. As a matter of fact the florist said he does bride and bridesmaid arrangements that can be placed together on the brides table to be the centerpiece so that was what we did.Did I have a budget for my dress that was absolute, yes. We had a band that was a bunch of high school friends. they are very good and we didn't have to pay for them because they did it as a wedding gift to us. My point is - you need to have a serious discussion with your daughter about the financial reality.