Community Chat

[ROMARY]

When you talk to the ex, be sure to mention private and other community services. You might need to first Web search the various services in the ex's state. Give her the phone numbers. But, something tells me that she won't be very interested............just guessing.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 9/26/2014 ssssgirl said:

On 9/26/2014 terrier3 said:

On 9/25/2014 ROMARY said:

All in all, O/P, I think your 'best bet' is to walk into one of the suggested gov. and/or community services buildings, and just ask what's available, and whether or not your friends/family are eligible. I'm sure they have guidelines and/or pamphlets, etc. Perhaps even a counselor can direct you to someone who will explain all of the options available. Perhaps social services dept. will go and 'take a look', pay them an unscheduled visit. They do around here, when a person in the community alerts them about a family/person who might be in need. ....... 'Hey, it's worth a try'. ...... Whatever you do, don't call. Just walk in, ask questions, look very concerned, get some answers/suggestions. 'You'll never know, until you try'............In person is always best. Not on a Friday, but on a day and time that would be less busy in your area. In fact, ask around in that bldg. which days and times would be less busy.

Romary - That may sound good in theory, but in reality, walking in and asking for help doesn't work. I used to be a social worker in poor communities - and I assisted a lot of people work through the maze of assistance.

First of all, one of the 3 people in this household is collecting SS. The other works temp jobs and makes about $1,000/mo. take home (minimum wage). The 3rd is a child.

Between the 3, they have slightly over $20,000 a year coming in and are already receiving SNAP benefits. These are the kind of families that fall through the cracks in society - they don't have enough money coming in to live without financial insecurity, but they have too much coming in for much help in FLA.
The adults don't have enough coming in to get ACA insurance, but FLA didn't expand Medicaid benefits to single adults - so they are stuck...the best they can do is investigate free clinics. Medical care is necessary, IMO, since the mom is overweight and has poor teeth and poor hygiene - common signs of depression. The son can't work construction anymore due to an injury - and since he was being paid under the table - he can't get any disability aid either. Since he doesn't appear to have much education, he needs medical care to evaluate his situation & see if his physical condition can be improved. Even fast food jobs require workers to be able to lift 50 pounds.... being a stock boy at a grocery store is even more strenuous.

Perhaps a church organization can help them...even if they aren't regular churchgoers. A lot of states with poor safety nets say that their local churches provide help for people. I doubt they are entitled to anything beyond SNAP or HEAP from the state.

Why doesn"t the son file for SSD (social security disability) If he was TRULY injured (doesn't matter how) and can not work he will qualify. My co workers son in law was injured doing yard work and truly can not work. he filed for disability and recieved it. If this young man of 30 can work under the table still, he can get a REAL job and support his child and stop begging his friends and family for help. Help the people who TRULY CAN NOT work, not those trying to cheat the system. And use the people who care about him. JMO

It isn't that easy. To be eligible for disability you must have 40 credits 20 of which you earned in the last 10 yrs.

www.ssa.gov/dibplan/dqualify2.htm

[raspberrygal]

I know this is an entirely different story but we helped a family member move out of FL because he was being evicted. He was a hoarder and we moved him up north where he lives today in a smaller city where he is getting assistance from the city. It seems to me that it's easier to get assistance in smaller cities than in FL where you are competing with everybody so my suggestion would be to move these family members out of FL if you can to a smaller community where there are not that many people competing for the same social service resources.

[Sunnyfield]

Thank you for the suggestion Newlook but that will never happen - ex will not leave her other sons and sister who all live nearby and son will never leave his brothers, one of whom he is dependent upon for work....sorry if I am being negative, but that is the reality...

You are probably right - Florida has huge issues and almost anywhere else would probably be better....

[terrier3]

On 9/26/2014 ckr1147 said:

Thank you for the suggestion Newlook but that will never happen - ex will not leave her other sons and sister who all live nearby and son will never leave his brothers, one of whom he is dependent upon for work....sorry if I am being negative, but that is the reality...

You are probably right - Florida has huge issues and almost anywhere else would probably be better....

Why is the son dependent on his brother for work? And it sounds as if it is "under the table"?

If it is under the table, then he can't collect Earned Income Tax Credit money, which would definitely supplement his annual income. He isn't eligible for unemployment insurance, disability or anything else. PLUS he can get in trouble with the IRS - his brother too. And if he is making $250/wk. - his brother is paying him less than minimum wage too.

Brother isn't doing him ANY favors, IMO. A lot of places are hiring for the holidays...it's up to pre-recession levels, I just read. He would end up much better off if he worked at Walmart for the holidays. Having ANY income "on the books" in 2014 will qualify him for EITC.

[straykatz]

With poverty comes a degree of hopelessness and it is extremely difficult to rise above it all.

Since you refuse to give them anymore......then if financial advice is wanted or needed let them ask for it.....otherwise let it go. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

[Lucky Charm]

What I would do if it were my family, (son and grandson), send gift cards for their local grocery store. (Easy to find out what that is on the internet.) Consider it their birthday and Christmas (?) gifts. I would send clothes for the boy. I wouldn't send a Visa or M/C gift card. I would want to make sure food was on the table for the small one. I probably wouldn't be happy about it feeding the ex to be honest. Adults have the responsibility as long as they are of sound mind to do what's right. This woman is setting a poor example for her own grown son, who should've learned this (at least 10 years ago!) and even the child.

I wouldn't fault a state for her predicament. She had a job, she was fired. The last thing I would ever want to do besides something that would send me to jail, would be to get fired from a job. No matter what kind of job, has no bearing on the importance of showing up, and on time and doing the best you can do. period.

[stazgirl]

On 9/26/2014 ckr1147 said:

Again - thank you to all for suggestions and information.

Col Meow - these are DH's former wife, youngest son with her, and grandson - it is because of the grandson DH will not totally walk away -

Oh and she does not own a home - they rent...she says the cheapest place she could find, but we don't know the area and don't live close by, so have no idea if that is correct or how hard she tried.

We thought that DH's other two sons who live close by would have a sit down with the ex and the brother but that hasn't happened - and DH cannot have an adult conversation with his youngest, who just gets angry and tells DH to "get out of his business" - so whenever there is an issue in the household, "Mommy" calls DH - son calls only on Fathers Day and DH"s birthday...

the son's injury was several years ago - fell off a roof and broke is leg - I don't think it ever healed properly and he never went to any physical therapy - he has a rod in it and it constantly gives him trouble (apparently)...not sure what his working situation was then - but I thought you had to have worked a certain number of quarters in the p ast couple of years and have paid into Social Security in order to get SSD benefits?

We will be talking with ex-wife tomorrow and I want to have some positive ideas for her.

Makes it harder when it is a grandchild involved, My husbands ex lives in Jacksonville, arefuses to go to work (ex addict, rather live on taxpayers) anyway, she gets housing assist. AND DISABILITY because of her past drug problems , and still continued to get the assistance even after we obtained custody of the kids (both adults now) if the son is working under the table ONLY, he can not prove financial responsibility for the boy, his mother has all but abandone him you said, I would think it would be VERY easy for you to get custody or guardianship of him if you wanted to. (if you indeed did want to) other than that, these are ALL adults, and unfortunately sounds as if they want support, whcih I would not keep giving.

[stazgirl]

On 9/26/2014 Lucky Charm said:

What I would do if it were my family, (son and grandson), send gift cards for their local grocery store. (Easy to find out what that is on the internet.) Consider it their birthday and Christmas (?) gifts. I would send clothes for the boy. I wouldn't send a Visa or M/C gift card. I would want to make sure food was on the table for the small one. I probably wouldn't be happy about it feeding the ex to be honest. Adults have the responsibility as long as they are of sound mind to do what's right. This woman is setting a poor example for her own grown son, who should've learned this (at least 10 years ago!) and even the child.

I wouldn't fault a state for her predicament. She had a job, she was fired. The last thing I would ever want to do besides something that would send me to jail, would be to get fired from a job. No matter what kind of job, has no bearing on the importance of showing up, and on time and doing the best you can do. period.

the problem with gift cards is. No insurance that she would not SELL them , thus they would NOT be used for the boy. In MY OPINION ONLY, anybody who genuinely cares about their kids, At least TRIES as hard as they can to support them, not expect others to do it for them.

[Sunnyfield]

Terrier -

I am not sure if any or all of the wages are "under the table" - older brother is a construction foreman and hires younger brother for his crew - younger brother has never held a job "on his own" - just no self confidence or self esteem, plus anger management issues, which would probably get him fired anyway...he brings home $250/week when he works (depending upon the construction jobs older brother is running) Older brother has fired younger a couple of times, but always hires him back - I guess he feels guilty.

Younger brother blames the world for his problems, instead of placing the blame where it belongs - himself. He has never been held accountable and has learned "poor me" habits from his mother....

Lets just say it is a screwed up situation all around....sometimes I don't know why I care....