Community Chat

[panda1234]

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@beadaholic wrote:

I'm assuming these men are your nephews?  I haven't seen my nephew in as many years because he lives in the west coast, but I still give him b-day & xmas money each year! I love this 34 yr old man like he is mine. I'm sry that you are in a quandary over this.

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I have not even spoken to them in five years. If we emailed or had some contact I would feel different....just awkward.

[pattypeep]

Honesty is always the best policy, IMO. When it came to my children, I told them that I knew their heart was in the right place, but the best thing they could do for me and my dh is to buy themselves something with the money they spend on us. I also suggested to a friend that I exchanged with for a number of years and as we grew apart, it seemed silly. So I suggested to her that we not gift each other because she had family to buy gifts for. I believe she was somewhat relieved. We're about ready to talk to my dh's brother about this very thing. We need nothing, they need nothing, so why do we swap useless stuff every year? Believe me, I love to gift, but only need friendship and love in return.

[NYC Susan]

It sounds to me as though maybe they want a relationship with you.  Two hours away is not far, so I'm confused as to why you have had no contact with them for five years.  Especially because you said there's no real reason.

Since they've been reaching out in that way, then I think it might be nice to reach out to them also.  Not by sending them $50 (which really is only returning their gift to you), but by making an effort to see or at least speak to them.  Time together and getting to know each other is far more valuable than any gift.

If you really don't want any kind of relationship with them, then don't send them anything.  (I'm totally biased, though, because most of my family live very far away, and I can't imagine not having a relationship with them or letting distance be an obstacle.)