HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA - Page 7

gmkb · ‎07-29-2012

Winter Park is a lovely affluent area. I hope she can afford that area.

It is her life, her decision good or bad. I will say that I have the impression your daughter is making an impulsive and not well thought out decision. I live in Central Florida also and it is all good, no complaints.

There is always a lot of discussion about Fl. bugs from folks who do not live here. I have NEVER seen a bug in my home. Mosquitos inhabit standing water, so unless you are living near a swamp, they will not bother you. Everyone has their yard sprayed periodically and that keeps the bugs away. The idea of bugs is an exaggeration.

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

It's a tough situation and very difficult to advise not knowing the people involved, but I like @Irshgrl31201 s idea about staying put and finding a roomate.

Making a huge decision like moving to FL has to be mutual. The OP deserves to enjoy her life, especially having given so much to her daughter and gd, and especially since she should be enjoying her later years.

The daughter sounds petulant and impulsive -- never a good combination. I will wager the daughter could move to FL and discover quickly she cannot tolerate it, then want to move yet again.

The OP has to make a decision about whether she is so emotionally dependent upon living with her daughter and gd (and I sense that she is) that she would sacrifice her own comfort and happiness... or whether she is willing and emotionally ready to tell her daughter to go and be happy, but she (the OP) cannot go.

I'm also wondering if the daughter would expect her mother to support her financially if she chose to move to FL alone. OP should make it clear she is not able to financially support her daughter if that is the case.

I think the daughter thinks she has the upper hand in this situation. If the OP stands her ground, perhaps the daughter will realize she cannot move on her own.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

Central Florida is a beautiful area. It has been a crowded area since Disney World. There are still affordable areas around Orlando, not necessarily Winter Park, but in the same area.

The descriptions of Florida that you read on here are not from the residents! The living is pleasant.

We treat our few really hot days like you treat snow days. What just has to be done between 11-5 when it is really hot. Not a big sacrifice at all!

The bug situation is largely exaggerated...ever heard of pest control? We pay to go see snakes and gators, they don't live next door unless you live next to the swamps.

We live normal lives in Florida!

colliegirls · ‎05-13-2012

Your youngest is in her 50s!! Sadly, the chances of meeting a man is greatly reduced when living with one's mother. Perhaps your daughter is analysing her life and wants something different. Let her go, she may or may not be happy with her decision.

Your granddaughter must have a job by now? Is she still with you also?

Florida is a great place to live (lived there for 10 years), it may be a fresh start for her or the both of you.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@colliegirls wrote:
Your youngest is in her 50s!! Sadly, the chances of meeting a man is greatly reduced when living with one's mother. Perhaps your daughter is analysing her life and wants something different. Let her go, she may or may not be happy with her decision.

Your granddaughter must have a job by now? Is she still with you also?

Florida is a great place to live (lived there for 10 years), it may be a fresh start for her or the both of you.

Her granddaughter is 13 years old and would need to change schools.

Lindsay's Grandma has mobility issues from what I remember. I think she broke her hip? She would need all new doctors in Florida and changing doctors is not particularly easy.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@Lindsays Grandma....I have read most of the posts but not all...so all I can add is that IF you are NOT financially dependent on your daughter, let her go. I do not know your age or health circumstances and those things would factor into if I would want to move or not.

If it were me I would look in to moving, either to assisted living or a smaller home or apartment in your current community. If you need assistance with daily living possibly your insurance coverage could allow for a care giver to help you out.

Give your daughter your blessings and let her go, it would be difficult I am sure, you would not be involved in the daily life of your granddaughter but sometimes life is not fair. Our granddaughter lives in the southwest, and we have not seen her for a few years, but do talke with her on the phone.

I for one would not want to live with anyone (except my spouse) unless I really HAD TO, that is just me, I love my privacy, but everyone is different. Sometimes life throws a curve ball and living with someone to share expenses is a necessity.

How long will the job that your daughter has in Florida be held for her?

When you post on the forums you can get really helpful advice and then there are sometimes where your feelings get hurt...read them all with a clear head, you will make the right choice for you...please let us know what you decide to do.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I hate to hear people say they have no choice.

There are always choices, even if you don't like them.

Some families live with multiple generations in one house and it works for them. Others do it, but really have to make compromises for it to work, and don't always enjoy it. Still others need to get their own individual lives, and stop depending on each other so much.

I think this case might be the latter. Just because a living arrangement worked for a period of time, well...things change. Kids/grandkids grow up (or should be) parent/child relationships change, and sometimes one or all of the parties need to learn to be more independent.

Both adults in this situation need to learn and find ways to be independent and finance their own lives, even if it requires government assistance to get established (and that isn't something I usually believe in).

I say let your daughter go, make her mistakes (or not) and learn. You've protected and provided for her for too long, and she for you. Figure out what you can afford or what sources you need to go to in order to find independent living, and let your daughter grow up and figure out her own life.

This will be uncomfortable and scary. It will be hard and feel overwhelming at times. But what is she going to do if something happens to you or to you, should something happen to her. At some point, you or she will be forced to be independent and it will only get harder the older you both get.

You might be very surprised just how solidly you will both land on your feet.

And if you refuse to step outside the box and try, then start some positive thinking about all the ways you can get happy about a move, with new adventures and new people coming into your life.

glb613 · ‎03-09-2010

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@Snowpuppy wrote:
You want to keep your grown daughter from living her own life by telling her she'll suffer bug bites is she goes?

But you left NY and went to CA because you found a new man, so that was okay?

You were living your dream. Why not let your daughter live hers?
My daughter has been living her life doing exactly what she wants to do. I left CA to come to AZ because she wanted to. She can't afford to live her life without me and is giving me no choice. I left NY because I found a new man? We left NY because he was an engineer and we would have a better life in CA which we did.

Let her go by herself. Part of her problem is you enable her to make bad decisions without bad consequences. Tell her you're not going and don't. If she moves anyway, let her deal with it as an adult!

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

Your daughter is an adult period!!! If she wants your financial support & you want to give it to her I totally get it.But you should not have to uproot yourself!! Here's where you need to draw the line!! It's wonderful that you & your daughter are close but remember you matter too!!

Also what if you agree to move & she decides she wants to move again? Or what if she meets a man & moves in with him.What happens to you??

nycgrl · ‎05-08-2012

I didn't read this whole post but I feel I must chime in. I am a born and raised NYC girl as my names says. I moved to Florida twice - the first time when I was 17 and fell flat on my face after 1 1/2 years. Even though I went back to NY I was determined to move back to Florida. I knew I would have to have enough money to live till I found a job and I needed to have a car. That was the one thing that held me back the first time - not having a car. In those days, bus service was really scarce and there was no tri-rail (and how would I have gotten to it). I walked nearly 3 miles to work everyday in the scorching heat just to pay my rent. I couldn't survive. Anyway, I did finally move back after my divorce and have been here for 17 years. Do I have regrets? Yes and no. I miss my "home" and my mother is still in New York. As hard as it was for her to let me go, she knew I had to live my life on my terms. Like she always says to me "what choice did I have" when I ask why she let me go. There was no stopping me. I found my way. I have made a nice life for myself.

Life is not always easy. Decisions sometimes have repercussions. But you'll never know unless you try. The "what ifs" would be worse than an adamant refusal to give it a try. You can always go back if it doesn't work out - there is no such thing as can't - only won't.

Good luck!!!!