HELP MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO MOVE TO FLORIDA - Page 6

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

As a parent whose daughter moved from NY to FL in 2001, I have some perspective on the situation. I was very upset at the time. My daughter told us just a couple of weeks before she left. She's married with two children so our situation is different from that of the O/P. Nevertheless, there's one common thread. In our culture adult children are encouraged to be independent, to forge their own life paths. Gone are the days when families all lived in the same town. Once I made peace with that truth, I adjusted to the distance.

I think that the only choice that exists is to wish your daughter the best on her move to Florida. You need to take care of yourself and work out the best way to live in AZ without her. There are likely county services that can help with the issues you'll be facing. Your daughter already knows you don't want to move. She may have good and bad reasons for leaving but it's out of your hands. Forcing her to stay with you will make your life miserable with her resentment. Don't give her any money. Maybe it's time for her to learn how to live independently.

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

She's an adult. Her life, her choices. However, that doesn't mean YOU and everyone else has to do the same thing. Wish her well and visit her when you choose to.

Starpolisher · ‎03-10-2010

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
So you took care of your granddaughter.

Good for you.

That's what grandparents do.

You certainly are not the only grandmother to take care of the grandchild.

What do you want?

A medal?

Just because you did take care of your granddaughter, does not mean that your daughter owes you anything more than just a "Thank-you."

@Plaid Pants2 I think your comments are rude, very harsh, offensive, inflammatory and unnecessary. They offer no helpful insight whatsoever into this situation and are mean spirited and hurtful.Yes, some grandparents do take care of their grandchildren. Some don't. Some do give up their own lives to help their children raise their children. Some don't. Some think that's what grandparents do, well let me tell you their are some grandparents who feel they have raised theirs and now the parents should do the same! In any case, the OP is obviously frustrated over her situation and looking for some constructive insight and yes, EMPATHY! I'm sure as a mom who went the extra distance for her child and grandchild for so long, she never expected that her wants, needs, etc. would be disregarded now that she is no longer needed. I know that's how I would feel. You say that taking care of grandchildren is what grandparents do. Well then, do you think that taking care of parents should be what children do? Some people do. Some don't. Someone here said that "maybe the daughter is tired of being her mom's caregiver" and I believe you agreed. Well, isn't the daughter fortunate that HER MOTHER never tried of being her caregiver or her granddaughters caregiver as well! Let's try and remember that these are real people on these boards. Show some compassion. One thing I will say, It's to bad that someone didn't teach you the old saying, " If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" Hurting someone's feelings doesn't help them but only adds to their burden.

@Lindsays Grandma, I hope you find a satisfactory solution to your problem. One that both you and your daughter can live with and find peace.

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran

Irshgrl31201 · ‎03-18-2010

@Starpolisher wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
So you took care of your granddaughter.

Good for you.

That's what grandparents do.

You certainly are not the only grandmother to take care of the grandchild.

What do you want?

A medal?

Just because you did take care of your granddaughter, does not mean that your daughter owes you anything more than just a "Thank-you."

Plaid Pants2 I think your comments are rude, very harsh, offensive, inflammatory and unnecessary. They offer no helpful insight whatsoever into this situation and are mean spirited and hurtful.Yes, some grandparents do take care of their grandchildren. Some don't. Some do give up their own lives to help their children raise their children. Some don't. Some think that's what grandparents do, well let me tell you their are some grandparents who feel they have raised theirs and now the parents should do the same! In any case, the OP is obviously frustrated over her situation and looking for some constructive insight and yes, EMPATHY! I'm sure as a mom who went the extra distance for her child and grandchild for so long, she never expected that her wants, needs, etc. would be disregarded now that she is no longer needed. I know that's how I would feel. You say that taking care of grandchildren is what grandparents do. Well then, do you think that taking care of parents should be what children do? Some people do. Some don't. Someone here said that "maybe the daughter is tired of being her mom's caregiver" and I believe you agreed. Well, isn't the daughter fortunate that HER MOTHER never tried of being her caregiver or her granddaughters caregiver as well! Let's try and remember that these are real people on these boards. Show some compassion. One thing I will say, It's to bad that someone didn't teach you the old saying, " If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!" Hurting someone's feelings doesn't help them but only adds to their burden.
Lindsays Grandma, I hope you find a satisfactory solution to your problem. One that both you and your daughter can live with and find peace.

I hope that LindsaysGrandma finds peace too @Starpolisher. When I first read this thread, I thought it was more about the OP just being upset that her daughter was wanting to move and she didn't want her to leave. It is a lot more complex that that. It sounds like she has been the main caregiver (other than her daughter) to her granddaughter and has been very helpful emotionally and financially to her daughter and granddaughter. For that alone she needs to be respected. It is nice of you to be so kind to the OP, we definitely need more of that around here even if we disagree.

Anyway @Lindsays Grandma, I do hope you can find some peace and a solution that is satisfactory to yourself, daughter and granddaughter. I hope you let us know how it works out.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

For the life of me..I don't get the RUDE responses to people. Yes, it is a free country and we can say what we wish within guidelines but seriously it sounds like some have cheerios that have been perpetually soiled in every morning.

I totally understand where the OP is coming from. If you don't have grandchildren or children that you live with and are extremely close to..then you would not understand.

People do not read and comprehend..she is very distraught this is her support system and her FAMILY an vice versa...I would be very upset too.

They live together for financial reasons and also she cared for her granddaughter. This isn't like she just came back from a wonderful vacation and wants to relocate. She is doing this on the whim..and sounds like a not very well thought out plan either.

Those of you who said what is the big deal that is what grandparents do? Oh really?? They raise their grandchildren, take them to/from school...home work etc. Not your average grandparent..

Plaid Pants - why are you so darn nasty? I find your responses on every thread to be rude and inconsiderate....but when you are on here with your problems and issues it is a different story..you don't like the rude responses..I can think of a couple different issues you have posted about..and boo hooed about people not being nice. Stomping your feet cause daddy didn't respond to your birthday as you wanted/expected..but you have to be rude to just about everybody..

Sometimes if you have nothing NICE to say..why bother say it at all? Keep it to yourself.

There are a couple that stand out here all the time that just don't have it in them to be NICE to others but when their great dilemma is posted ..different story...they don't want negative responses..

Filters and Socials skills should be mandatory online education before having access to the internet.

Do people really enjoy kicking people when they are down? Somebody comes here with a burden they share and they get kicked..

The OP was heartfelt and sincere..I don't think she was asking to be beat up for having great apprehension on this move..that she isn't happy with..that her daughter has not planned out very well..including uprooting her daughter who is a teenage on a whim...major moves cost a lot of time and money...and you should also have done a heck of a lot research to make sure you have everything covered, thought out etc. Teenagers already face many issues/hurdles in life..so lets on a whim, because you want to..move them to another state, climate etc without a thought how it may affect them..and more so if their grandmother who sounds to be the most stable influence in her life...was looking into assisted living ...

I personally know somebody who had her grandmother live with them and raise them from infant to 12 years old..falling out happened when grandma could not longer physically be babysitter, maid and chief bottle washer as they say..and out the door she went..well that poor girl is having severe mental and emotional issues..is in therapy and the therapist said you took away without warning and unfairly in her mind, the most person she loved most and raised her..while mommy was being a professional student and daddy was working four jobs to support them so mommy could be... So there is just more than the OP to be concerned about making such a move without a reason/plan in place...just uproot children because the parent wants to..very selfish in my book..family decision when the parents get a job offer they can't turn down, or military life etc..but single mom who hasn't been able to swing it financially on her own...just doesn't do that.

The OP cannot just abandon them and send them off on this venture alone knowning it is her daugher and grandaughter who rely on her also for a support network and financial support as well.

I wish I had the answers Lindsey...I feel your pain. Maybe suggest she visit the area... has she chose a particular area that she wants to move to? Maybe visit that for a couple weeks to get the feel of the area - etc..with an open mind.. I am sending you cyber hugs and support..

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

Florida is a fabulous place to live. Beautiful weather - no where near as hot as Az. No more bugs & snakes than the desert either. For a senior person - you will make many friends - tons of seniors here, a lot of activities geared to our generation. BTW - I have only ever seen one palmetto bug in the 6 years I have lived here. As for geckos - they can't hurt you - they don't have teeth - you just pick them up & throw them out. I don't get them in thew house as we have screens but we do get them on occasion in the lanai.

What area of Florida are you looking at?

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
So you took care of your granddaughter.

Good for you.

That's what grandparents do.

You certainly are not the only grandmother to take care of the grandchild.

What do you want?

A medal?

Just because you did take care of your granddaughter, does not mean that your daughter owes you anything more than just a "Thank-you".

Are you a mother? I doubt it because mothers in no way are expected to take care of their grandchildren. In fact, it is the parent's responsibility not the grandparent's. In being there 24/7 Lindsay's Grandma helped her daughter get through a difficult divorce and added financial support to the equation. Her daughter now decided to leave and pursue her dreams but that doesn't mean she has to go along with it. Frankly, her daughter sounds selfish after all these years of devotion to her grandchild, her daughter is going to upset everything about her life at an advanced age. And what about her daughter changing schools? It isn't easy for a 13 year old to have to move. Sounds selfish and rash to me.

bri20 · ‎03-10-2016

@151949 wrote:
Florida is a fabulous place to live. Beautiful weather - no where near as hot as Az. No more bugs & snakes than the desert either. For a senior person - you will make many friends - tons of seniors here, a lot of activities geared to our generation. BTW - I have only ever seen one palmetto bug in the 6 years I have lived here. As for geckos - they can't hurt you - they don't have teeth - you just pick them up & throw them out. I don't get them in thew house as we have screens but we do get them on occasion in the lanai.
What area of Florida are you looking at?

Have you actually read any of this thread?

Mmsfoxxie · ‎06-19-2010

@Lindsays Grandma, I feel so bad for the choice you have to make. I hate to say it but your daughter is very selfish and unknowingly, you have enabled her selfishness. Part of your hesitantly about telling your daughter you will not go is because of Lindsay. You don't want to abandon her??

You have said that you and your daughter share expenses and she can't do it alone. You didn't make it clear whether you can live with her sharing expenses with you.

Moving at any age is traumatic but as a senior, I really feel your exasperation.

Speaking for myself, if I could afford to live without her, I'd just tell her to go with your blessings and mentally let it go. She's gonna do what she wants anyway. I hope this is resolved soon.

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore to be happy”. (By Nightbirde, singer of the song, It’s Ok)

HeresLucy · ‎03-10-2010

Have your daughter take a couple of weeks and stay in Florida. Let her take it all in. She may find it's not all she thinks it is, whatever she has in her mind. What is it about Winter Park that has her so gung ho?

You do what's best for YOU.

Be still, and know.