@Moonchilde wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@truffle wrote:
Your situation sounds unbearable @Lindsays Grandma fraught with anxiety and fear for your future. If you daughter has stated she will always be there for you then she should be good on her word. It is clear that you need her and cannot survive without her. I don't blame you for not wanting to relocate as moving is always stressful nevermind that it's a location you find unacceptable. You have to make it clear that you are not moving and that she, as your caregiver, will destroy not just your life but hers too as there is a co-dependency.
This is way too heavy-handed for me. I can't imagine saying that to anyone under any circumstances.
We don't really know the degrees of co-dependency here, and who has the "upper hand" so to speak in terms of both finances and emotional blackmail. We don't know if the daughter *could* actually pull up stakes and financially make it without her mother; perhaps she could, and that's what is disturbing the OP.
Or perhaps the OP could not afford to live on her own without shared expenses.
There seems to be an expectation for the daughter to "take care of" her (emotionally & financially?), but only in a way that the OP is happy with.
Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do, and if having a roof over your head and sufficient financial and emotional support means moving where you don't particularly want to, that's the price to be paid.
Trying in whatever way to force the daughter to stay put and do what the OP wants will only lead to resentment and anger - and who knows what in the future. People usually fight hard against being controlled, and it wouldn't be pretty.
As we get older, less independent and more dependent on others for our well-being, we are much in their hands, like it or not. It's a trade-off. We don't always get to have it all our way. There's a price to be paid for that as well.
@Moonchilde wrote:
@NYC Susan wrote:
@truffle wrote:
Your situation sounds unbearable @Lindsays Grandma fraught with anxiety and fear for your future. If you daughter has stated she will always be there for you then she should be good on her word. It is clear that you need her and cannot survive without her. I don't blame you for not wanting to relocate as moving is always stressful nevermind that it's a location you find unacceptable. You have to make it clear that you are not moving and that she, as your caregiver, will destroy not just your life but hers too as there is a co-dependency.
This is way too heavy-handed for me. I can't imagine saying that to anyone under any circumstances.
We don't really know the degrees of co-dependency here, and who has the "upper hand" so to speak in terms of both finances and emotional blackmail. We don't know if the daughter *could* actually pull up stakes and financially make it without her mother; perhaps she could, and that's what is disturbing the OP.
Or perhaps the OP could not afford to live on her own without shared expenses.
There seems to be an expectation for the daughter to "take care of" her (emotionally & financially?), but only in a way that the OP is happy with.
Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do, and if having a roof over your head and sufficient financial and emotional support means moving where you don't particularly want to, that's the price to be paid.
Trying in whatever way to force the daughter to stay put and do what the OP wants will only lead to resentment and anger - and who knows what in the future. People usually fight hard against being controlled, and it wouldn't be pretty.
As we get older, less independent and more dependent on others for our well-being, we are much in their hands, like it or not. It's a trade-off. We don't always get to have it all our way. There's a price to be paid for that as well.
I would not mind moving but FL is not on my list. My daughter does whatever she wants to do, she doesn't ask, she tells me this is where we are going. I came to AZ because she wanted to and shortly thereafter she realized it was a mistake and now she is going to make another one. She is somewhat controlling and if 20 people gave the same opinion she wouldn't listen. We can't afford to make this move only to have to make another one. She said if we don't like Fl we can always move. We are not wealthy people who can move from pillar to post.
The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
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