Community Chat

[geezerette]

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@Biftu wrote:

Forgot to mention that we give the parents a very generous check at Christmas for their help with the lawn and shoveling and know they are there if needed.

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@Biftu 

Do the kids help you during the year too?

If so, I would give them each a gift card.  If not, I think I'd skip the kid gifts and just give the parents the check along with some sort of a family gift that everyone could enjoy.

[PinkyPetunia]

Quit giving individual gifts.  You never get a gift.  

If you feel you must do something, give a modest group gift like a large tin of popcorn or a tin of those Danish butter cookies availlable everywhere.  Attach a note saying hope the whole family enjoys this.

Apologies to @Sooner for stealing your idea.  I didn't read all the replies first.

[sunshine45]

if you feel JOY giving them gifts, why not continue?

if you dont feel joy anymore OR feel underappreciated OR you want "strings attached," then stop giving them.

i personally think that giving them each a starbucks gift card OR an amazon gift card for  $20 or so is  a nice gesture IF you are so inclined.

i ENJOY giving gifts, so it is difficult for me to cut children off, especially this time of the year. i would NOT give to just one or two and leave the third out. give to all or give to none.

[sunshine45]

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@ajsidney12 wrote:

@cindyNC This is what I was thinking. My grandmother stopped giving the grandkids gifts/checks when we got married. By then she also had stopped the bday gifts (which we all had encouraged her to do anyway as we were adults ) One year she gave the spouses old pictures she had of us as kids, and that was one of the best ideas, cost nothing at all, and still remembered all these years later. As great grands came along, when she could, she would send a check or a little something, but then there were so many we all supported her decision to stop. 

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@ajsidney12 

every family is different. every family has different needs. every family has  different level of financial comfort.

my 85 year old mom STILL gives to all of us on our birthdays and for christmas. she gets us all a small gift and gives us all a check to use as needed. she gives it to each of her kids, her grandkids, and her great grandkids. even at my age i still look forward to it. LOL

i do give my adult children gifts and money. i give my grandkids gifts and money. they STILL send me christmas wishlists. 

[Cakers3]

I agree with your post and I found it the most reasonable.

I'm always baffled as to why people continue to give gifts year after year when they expect a thank you. Reasonable good manners but if it matters then stop the gifts. Easy.

While the parents do some chores for the OP they also receive a "generous"
check for their work.

Small gift cards are reasonable and I am not sure why anyone would be excluded either.

We see this all the time - the lack of a thank you but continuing to repeat the same thing year after year.

ETA: I was referring to your post below. I cannot quote when replying.


you feel JOY giving them gifts, why not continue?

if you dont feel joy anymore OR feel underappreciated OR you want "strings attached," then stop giving them.



i personally think that giving them each a starbucks gift card OR an amazon gift card for $20 or so is a nice gesture IF you are so inclined.



i ENJOY giving gifts, so it is difficult for me to cut children off, especially this time of the year. i would NOT give to just one or two and leave the third out. give to all or give to none.

[Jaynah]

No individual gifts anymore. 

Bring them a poinsetta plant in person for the whole family, smile and wish them

Merry Christmas.

I you don't want to bring them a plant, gift the family a plate of homemade chocolate

chip cookies. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@kaydee50 wrote:

@Biftu Does the family ever reciprocate?  You've been generous over the years.  I would stop the gifts and not feel guilty about it.

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@kaydee50   @Biftu 

That's what I was wondering .... have the adults ever given gifts to YOU?  

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Sooner wrote:

I'd give a big old tin of popcorn or cookies!  

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@Sooner 

ITA .... I was thinking that a nice plate of cookies should do the trick.  

[50Mickey]

It's very nice that Bitfu gives the parents a generous check each Christmas. According to her they are there for her if she needs help and they help with snow shoveling and yard work. A good caring neighbor is certainly worth a plate of homemade cookies or a bakery plate at the holidays. Nowadays so many people barely speak to their neighbors so a family who lives nextdoor and is there for a neighbor is not easily replaced. 

[mrshckynut]

@Biftu  I quit gifting my nieces and nephews after they turned 10, neighbors!  Never even gave it a thought 

mrshckynut