Community Chat

[jellyBEAN]

I have an extremely small family and a very small circle of friends.  I do choose to send little gifts to a couple family members as we live far apart.  I bought a couple of small gifts for some neighborhood friends to leave at their front porch or doorstep.

Wouldn't you think the recipients would at least let me know they got their little gifts?  To my long distance family I mailed nice Christmas cards and included $50 gift cards.  I expected a quick text or email telling me they received the cards and a thank you, but I get nothing.  So I'm left wondering, did they receive the cards or not?  So this puts me in an awkward position, do I have to contact them to see if they got it? 

The same with my neighbors.  One or two people left me a little something and I sent them a text right away letting them know I got the card or the gift.  I'd thought they would also say thanks for the gift I left, but I get nothing.  Did they get the gift?  So I texted back that I also left you a gift, but your car was not in the driveway so I left a little something outside your front door, did you get it?  Just seems like common sense to me to let people know.  She then texted back yes, she had gotten it, thanks. 

In this day n age of electronics, it only takes a couple of seconds to send a thank you.

What say you?

[september]

I do as you do.  I send a quick text or email to let the giver know I received it. Formal written thank you comes later.  

I wish everyone did the same!

[Solar Is My Name]

Re: gift cards in the mail. A cousin of my son-in-law sent a gift card that way and it never arrived. She presumes that it was stolen; so she never mails gift cards anymore. (I guess she would send electronic gift cards, however.)

Peoples' lives are so hectic that they often do not send thank yous. I, like you, would like a quick text.

What to do? Give and feel good that you gave -- whether they respond or not. Or. perhaps later, mention your gift to them in casual conversation or email, such as, "I hope the fragrance of that candle we gave you wasn't too strong to aggravate any allergies..."

Be well. (AND THANK YOU for sharing this.)

-Solar 

[AuntG]

Yes, people should acknowledge gifts, but they often don't. Two weeks ago I mailed a sizable check to the one relative who has young children. We only knew they got it when it was cashed yesterday.

[Duckncover]

We sent our grandson an e-card for his 18th bday two weeks ago. No response but I know he got it. This has happened with our teen-aged grands for the past two years. Beautiful or generous gifts and no acknowledgement at all. DH says we should continue sending these but I am about ready to stop and just send a nice card. I expect their parents to tell them to send a thank you note, email, or text. I personally find a thank you text lazy but better than nothing. But I am old, so guess that makes me behind the times. It is just good manners to thank someone for any gift they took the time to give you. What is wrong with a thank you? 

[gizmogal]

I think it's perfectly acceptable to stop giving even small gifts or sending $50 gift cards to people who have not figured out a way to acknowledge they've received it and say a simple thanks. 

It's not punitive or turnabout vengeance to stop your generosity. These people do not value your effort or are too busy to make the ordinary step of a thank you.  Since you find yourself embarrassed or awkward to have to ask if your offering actually got to them, stop these gestures. Unfortunately, you'll soon realize they don't notice or remark on your change of habit. You'll be okay with that. If it makes no difference if you send a gift card or don't, then why bother?

Indignant over this type of casual rudeness from people you care about?  Keep your money, hold your tongue, save your dignity. 

[Sooner]

What say me?  I say don't give gifts to people unless they are giving them to you.  If you don't want to give them gifts, send them a card and tell them you are cutting back on gift giving but love them anyway and offer no further explanation.  the less said the better.

I say if you know they got a gift and didn't respond, just make a mental note and don't give one next time.  Don't try to analyze it, fret over it or give it a second thought, let it go and don't put them on the hook by asking about it.

I say it's a different time and place, social norms are different, don't try to make people adjust to what you expect.  Adjust your expectations and be happy. 

[River Song]

I'm not surprised.  I'm still waiting for a thank you note for a wedding gift sent to my nephew (yes, they received it).  The wedding was over a year ago.  No text, no phone call, no nothing.  I hope they don't expect any gifts from me when they start having kids.

[sunshine45]

i dont know when you sent them or dropped them off, but i would give them a little time to respond to your gifts. so many people have so many things to do this time of the year......people visiting, cooking, shopping, helping out others, parties, house guests, charitable causes.

USPS is our area has been horrible. so much mail is delayed, never delivered, or delivered to the wrong homes. there are short staffed at our local post offices.

perhaps the  gifts you dropped on the doorsteps will be acknowledged when the merriment dies down a bit.

if not and you feel comfortable doing it, give them a call to make sure they got the gifts. it is then up to you if you want to continue to give them gifts next year.

[CelticCrafter]

When it got to the point when I had to consistently ask, I stopped sending.

I wasn't expecting some long, drawn out hand written thank you, a text or even a quick message on Facebook would have sufficed.