Getting Rid Of Stuff After A Death

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

My sister died last November. She was a major pack rat and her DH and daughters, well, one daughter having been unearthing and getting rid of some things. The youngest daughter wants to save everything my sister wore (20 yr. old dresses), touched or breathed on.

DS had a big box of recipes cut out of newspapers and magazines. I think some were my Mom's too. Sis hated cooking and never, ever made one of the recipes. Her youngest DD wants to keep all of them. She doesn't love cooking either. Her older sister, her Dad and I all said pick out a couple that sound good and keep them, chuck the rest.

I say keep jewerly and some paintings my sister did, the woman did really nice paintings. You can't keep everything. She doesn't have the room to haul boxes and boxes to her house either just to sit in the basement or garage.

After seeing my brother-in-law and one kid pulling their hair out I am doubling my effort to get rid of stuff before I go.

Meowingkitty · ‎06-19-2010

Smart move. My aunt religiously kept her house to a minimum so when she died there was very little to get rid of. We kept the few good things she had, donated lots to her hospice and dumped the rest. She did have an over abundance of socks and shoes so hopefully someone got some new clothes.

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

My sister's family will have it easy when they clean out my house one day. I just don't hold on to a lot of things. Literally will be a breeze for them as was my move to this house at the end of December, 2021. If your sister's younger daughter wants to keep all that stuff, it should be required that she schlep it all to her house and keep it.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

My niece asked me if I wanted the dress my sister wore to my son's wedding.................in 2001, yep, 20 years ago.

No, #1 it's 20 years old, #2 not my color or style and #3 I don't dress up.

Heck, I donated my mother of the groom dress years and years ago. I have wedding pics to see what everyone looked like.

scatcat · ‎03-15-2010

Sounds like they are attached to sentimental objects. I know a family that obsessed about every BIC pen and trivial object in a house full of 50 years of stuff

cindyNC · ‎08-01-2019

I cleaned out my apartment when I moved in w/the BF and put many of my family heirlooms and antiques in storage..............rental fee has just gone up to over $300 a month. I live in southern NC and family lives in northern NY (13+ hour drive).

When the BF mother passed, some cousins wanted copies of her recipes and pitched a fit as the former daughter in law wanted them. We left them w/the cousins to copy what they wanted and when we got them back, gave them his son to give to his mother ( the exwife). She was close to the MIL after the divorce, and it seemed like it was just the cousins who objected to her getting the recipes. Not sure why.

Kudos to all of you who are cleaning out!

Krimpette · ‎03-09-2010

My thought is that if the daughter wants to keep so much, I'd let her.....provided she pack it up and take it away. If she doesn't have the room, perhaps she plans on renting a storage cube.

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@CrazyKittyLvr2 I'm sorry for your loss.

Please don't underestimate the sentimental value of these things for those that want to keep them. To keep them can be part of their healing process. Over time they may let some things go, but for now, they are stating what they want to hold on to and hold close. There's nothing wrong with that - it's their way, it's kind of nice.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Four houses will get you out of keeping things. Or at least it did me. I got rid of things from my mother's house, even things I sometimes wish I had kept. I had had it by then.

I want to live my life not theirs. I am not a museum. I am me. And things, sadly, are no substitute for people.

LindaSal · ‎05-15-2014

Sadly as time passes none of these material things will mean squat. We only kept very special items when my mom passed away. Luckily she did live lightly and purged a lot before her last move into independant living. Still there is a lot to go through. We donated most of her clothing and dishes, our adult kids took some but they already lived on their own so didn't need much. General "stuff" is just so meaningless, when we go I have promised my wine cellar to my siblings and some friends, LOL!

Not making light of it but after a while they will realize they really didn't need any of it,

it's the memories that matter. I wish you luck.

ETA; I am sorry for your recent loss.