Follow up to "Neighbor Stole my Cookies" - Page 4

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@KathyPet wrote:
@Pearlee wrote:
@NickNack There are other alternatives. My mother moved in with my sister when my mother started declining with dementia and then got worse and worse. Paid professional companions (one a retired nurse) came in while my sister was at work to look after my mother, so nothing dangerous happened. The companion also was in the bathroom when my mother showered to make sure she didn't fall 9and handrails, a sit-down thingy, etc. were installed). My mother passed away eventually in her own bedroom at my sister's home. My mother never wanted to go into a facility and she died happily and peacefully where she wanted to be. So, there are options.

THis works if you can get RELIABLE home health cAre. MY father lived with us for a while.He had Parkinson's disease. I had a full time job so we hired a recommended home health care agency to provide us with daily assistance for my father during the day. AT least one or two,days a week no one would show up or the person would be 1-2 hours late arriving at the house. I was constantly calling my office to tell them I would be late or not coming in at all. QUitting my job was simply not a option. FInally we had to go the nursing home route to ensure his care.
I now live in a over 55 age restricted community. A single resident had her 85 year old mother living with her and had a health aide in daily while she worked. THis past summer the elderly woman vomited and defecated all over her bedding and the rug. THe home health care aide lost it and hit the poor woman in the head with a hammer and killed her. SHe then put her body in her trunk drove her to a wooded area about a hour away chopped her body up and set it on fire.
As I said obtaining reliable home health care is not as simple or easy as it is made out to be.

@KathyPet

What a horrible story.

I always cringe a little when people assume they are going to easily find at home care that is any better than the average rest home. ANd the cost is prohibitive to many people as well.

The people that often work in this field (either in a care facility or at home services) are not very well educated in elder care, not paid well, and have a high turn over rate.

There are no easy solutions when someone reaches the point of needing care. Makes me sad just to think about it.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@cherry wrote:
@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
Rather ODD for this lady's church to be sending her out collecting donations - surely someone there noticed her condition?
Maybe not. People tend to do the same job for years. She might have been perfectly fine for the small time she was at chuch, and functioned ok. She probably only had to drop off the funds after collecting them, and didn't interact with office staff ,much at all

@cherry

I agree. And maybe the church wasn't using her services at all anymore, but she didn't 'know' that and was still doing as she always had, and going around collecting without the church knowing she was doing it.

And people in her position do get some things right sometimes, so maybe the collecting and getting it to the church worked out fine.

I found the whole concern for the church and the money collected to be much less important than her health and safety. Some lost money really isn't important when we see how she almost set the house on fire, and what a danger to herself she was becoming.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

The clothes in the oven certainly made it clear the poor woman could not live on her own. I have a feeling the daughter may not be able to tend to her properly but it is worth a try. As for the people who called her a thief, it clearly did not fit with what you told us but some people think the worse and jump to unfounded conclusions.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

The daughter may do her utmost to keep her mother with her as long as possible, but it may not BE possible, home health minders, family or not.

My niece had home health in for my mother, who needed physical help. More often than not, my mother found some reason to dislike the helpers and manage to "get them gone" one way or another. Unless you have a houseful of people living with you or many willing friends and relatives close by (those who do are lucky), you cannot monitor someone 24/7.

My niece works full time, 12-14 hr days. If she and hubby got out to the store for 2-3 hrs once a week it was a big deal. I lived 350 miles away and also worked full time. My mother could get into trouble (fall, forget the stove was on) whether she was alone or not - and did.

She was not senile nor did she have dementia - she just WAS GOING TO DO what she WANTED to do, period. She was placed in a nursing home for her own safety and so that the family didn't have the threat of neglect or abuse charges hanging over them if anything happened to her in the middle of the night or in the few hours a week she wasn't watched. Everyone very much wanted to keep her at home. She was more interested in having her way, stubbornly and dangerously, than in staying where she was loved. She sealed her own fate.

I do not condemn anyone when an elderly relative is put into permanent professional care. It doesn't mean the family doesn't care, is lazy, cheap or any of the other taunts and insults tossed - it just means that sometimes, no matter what everyone wants, professional facility care IS the most appropriate for the person.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

As a side note, thank goodness that her daughter was able to see how her mom was behaving. Sometimes, if the adult children and/or family don't live nearby, they just wouldn't be able to believe the report re: mom taking the cookies (and whatever else). Wishing the mom and the daughter and family the best.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

Pearlee · ‎06-11-2011

My mother's home health care was completely dependable - she had the same company sending people for almost 10 years, and two of the people were assigned to my mom as her regulars (one being the nurse) rather than having a revolving door of people. It is important to use a reliable agency of course, meeting state licensing requirements also. As I stated above, one was a retired nurse and she was excellent and my mother really liked her especially.

Everyone's situation is different. All I said was that there are alternatives/ options even when an elderly person is failing. Near the end, my mom "traded" in the companions for hospice care. It was all the ideal situation for her to die in her own bedroom. She had been well cared for in her decline.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@Carmie Thanks for the follow up. Your initial instincts were correct. This woman did something totally out of character for her, and you were concerned. You're a good neighbor.

I feel for her AND her daughter. They have some tough times ahead. Yes, being a caregiver is a huge challenge.

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

what sounds odd to me is that she went from collecting donations at your house to doing all of this stuff in the following week? I know of the quick progression of some diseases but that was beyond quick.

Collecting one minute, stealing cookies literally within seconds and than those dangerous situations!

september · ‎03-09-2010

@CouponQueen wrote:
what sounds odd to me is that she went from collecting donations at your house to doing all of this stuff in the following week? I know of the quick progression of some diseases but that was beyond quick.

Collecting one minute, stealing cookies literally within seconds and than those dangerous situations!

Actually, it isn't that odd. People in the early stages of dementia have good days and bad days. Often, the "good days" are when they go for a medical appointment or when family /friends stop by. We caregivers have a hard time convincing people that there are serious issues...we see it, but others who have just casual contact, don't.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@Moonchilde wrote:
The daughter may do her utmost to keep her mother with her as long as possible, but it may not BE possible, home health minders, family or not.

My niece had home health in for my mother, who needed physical help. More often than not, my mother found some reason to dislike the helpers and manage to "get them gone" one way or another. Unless you have a houseful of people living with you or many willing friends and relatives close by (those who do are lucky), you cannot monitor someone 24/7.

My niece works full time, 12-14 hr days. If she and hubby got out to the store for 2-3 hrs once a week it was a big deal. I lived 350 miles away and also worked full time. My mother could get into trouble (fall, forget the stove was on) whether she was alone or not - and did.

She was not senile nor did she have dementia - she just WAS GOING TO DO what she WANTED to do, period. She was placed in a nursing home for her own safety and so that the family didn't have the threat of neglect or abuse charges hanging over them if anything happened to her in the middle of the night or in the few hours a week she wasn't watched. Everyone very much wanted to keep her at home. She was more interested in having her way, stubbornly and dangerously, than in staying where she was loved. She sealed her own fate.

I do not condemn anyone when an elderly relative is put into permanent professional care. It doesn't mean the family doesn't care, is lazy, cheap or any of the other taunts and insults tossed - it just means that sometimes, no matter what everyone wants, professional facility care IS the most appropriate for the person.

How can you legally place someone in a nursing home who does not have dementia without their say so? If there are no medical or mental issues this is not possible. In order to be placed, your medical needs would have to be more than just routine elder care.

Also, this is not cheap. Government assistance will not pay for people to be placed because they need a sitter to keep an eye on them.

She sealed her own fate? How sad.