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Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,887
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: Feigned Innocence

[ Edited ]



 

          Good question, @Marp, and very thought-provoking.   If I know for a fact that an explanation was provided to the person after the first incident, and it was clear they had new knowledge but continued the same offensive behavior, I'd begin losing respect for them.  It might be innocent the first time, and that's only human.   But after gaining information and insight it would become a lie the subsequent times.   I believe in the philosophy that Maya Angelou often talked about:  We do the best we can with the tools and knowledge we have at the time, but when we know better we'll do better.   

 

          I would hope people of good conscience and integrity would try their best to "do better" once they "know better."

 

 

 

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I know someone who is like this with her dog.  Now, I am a big time animal lover and enjoy meeting other peoples’ animals.  However…there are times, places and lengths of time that push the boundaries for even the most devout animal lovers in a crowd.  This lady ignores all rules, turns her head the other direction and cannot understand why anyone and everyone isn’t totally delighted to have her dog  be there and do whatever it wants to do.  Now in fairness, this is a well behaved dog and there is never a problem with accidents inside, but it is a big dog, a longhaired dog, and she tends to put it in situations where it can’t know the laws, health codes and rules.  She takes this dog to restaurants, nursing homes, stores, banks, etc.  She removes the leash and lets the dog walk around, approach people (even those who may not want a dog around them) and lets the dog settle down anywhere…even out of her sight…sometimes for hours.  If people complain, she is offended and offers a pathetic “sorry” then turns around and repeats the same situation over and over.  She isn’t sorry, and she just doesn’t care…it is what SHE wants.  In fact, she feels anyone who speaks up is a troublemaker.  I get the feeling sometimes the dog wanders off to other people just to get away from her!  It is a good dog, put in situations that are inappropriate for hours at a time.  The whole thing is more about her character than it is about the dog.  No one can tell her…she is not open to listening or understanding…all that matters is what SHE wants. 

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Esteemed Contributor
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@Trinity11 wrote:

@Marp wrote:

When you see someone apologize for something because they "didn't know" or "didn't understand" or "didn't think they did anything wrong" then continue to repeat the behaviors for which they apologize do you tend to just ignore the apologies as insincere, see the individual as a "troublemaker" feigning innocence or react in a different way?


I consider them their own worst enemy. I truly believe that there are some people who are just obtuse and mean no harm.


Now that is a point I had not considered.  Thank you.

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
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@Havarti wrote:

I know someone who is like this with her dog.  Now, I am a big time animal lover and enjoy meeting other peoples’ animals.  However…there are times, places and lengths of time that push the boundaries for even the most devout animal lovers in a crowd.  This lady ignores all rules, turns her head the other direction and cannot understand why anyone and everyone isn’t totally delighted to have her dog  be there and do whatever it wants to do.  Now in fairness, this is a well behaved dog and there is never a problem with accidents inside, but it is a big dog, a longhaired dog, and she tends to put it in situations where it can’t know the laws, health codes and rules.  She takes this dog to restaurants, nursing homes, stores, banks, etc.  She removes the leash and lets the dog walk around, approach people (even those who may not want a dog around them) and lets the dog settle down anywhere…even out of her sight…sometimes for hours.  If people complain, she is offended and offers a pathetic “sorry” then turns around and repeats the same situation over and over.  She isn’t sorry, and she just doesn’t care…it is what SHE wants.  In fact, she feels anyone who speaks up is a troublemaker.  I get the feeling sometimes the dog wanders off to other people just to get away from her!  It is a good dog, put in situations that are inappropriate for hours at a time.  The whole thing is more about her character than it is about the dog.  No one can tell her…she is not open to listening or understanding…all that matters is what SHE wants. 


I love dogs too but that is awful behavior.

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@dooBdoo wrote:

@Marp wrote:

When you see someone apologize for something because they "didn't know" or "didn't understand" or "didn't think they did anything wrong" then continue to repeat the behaviors for which they apologize do you tend to just ignore the apologies as insincere, see the individual as a "troublemaker" feigning innocence or react in a different way?


 

          Good question, @Marp, and very thought-provoking.   If I know for a fact that an explanation was provided to the person after the first incident, and it was clear they had new knowledge but continued the same offensive behavior, I'd begin losing respect for them.  It might be innocent the first time, and that's only human.   But after gaining information and insight it would become a lie the subsequent times.   I believe in the philosophy that Maya Angelou often talked about:  We do the best we can with the tools and knowledge we have at the time, but when we know better we'll do better.   

 

          I would hope people of good conscience and integrity would try their best to "do better" once they "know better."

 

 

 


And some people just never "know better".

 

A shame, but I think it's true.

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@ChynnaBlue wrote:

@Marp wrote:

When you see someone apologize for something because they "didn't know" or "didn't understand" or "didn't think they did anything wrong" then continue to repeat the behaviors for which they apologize do you tend to just ignore the apologies as insincere, see the individual as a "troublemaker" feigning innocence or react in a different way?


Depends on the person and the nuances, but it can be a lot of things. Some people work hard to be intentionally ignorant, some are intellectually dishonest, some are just regular old ignorant, some do it to call attention to someone else's bad behavior or ignorance, and some are just being trolls.


Much to think about and evaluate in your post.  Thank you.

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Wow, my post was deleted-and when I wrote it I was thinking of a particular family member. I wasn't on last night so I'm in the dark about what happened. 

 

I take Marp's posts as face value and wouldn't speculate on why they were written. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,021
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Feigned Innocence

[ Edited ]

@kdgn wrote:

Wow, my post was deleted-and when I wrote it I was thinking of a particular family member. I wasn't on last night so I'm in the dark about what happened. 

 

I take Marp's posts as face value and wouldn't speculate on why they were written. 


I do as well.

 

When people place all of their focus on the happenings within Community Chat perspective is lost. Every thread and post will appear to refer back to this board and that isn't always the case.

 

I mentioned my apology thread because there are many apology or "Sorry" threads. Implying this thread is all about a single thread is ridiculous. 

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@The Monkey on My Back wrote:

@kdgn wrote:

Wow, my post was deleted-and when I wrote it I was thinking of a particular family member. I wasn't on last night so I'm in the dark about what happened. 

 

I take Marp's posts as face value and wouldn't speculate on why they were written. 


I do as well.

 

When people place all of their focus on the happenings within Community Chat perspective is lost. Every threads and post will appear to refer back to this board and that isn't always the case.

 

I mentioned my apology thread because there are many apology or "Sorry" threads. Implying this thread is all about a single thread is ridiculous. 


______________________________________________________

 

I was on for short periods of time last evening, so I don't know about what happened, but you make great points here @The Monkey on My Back.

 

@Marp, good question!  We have a family member on DH's side of the family (ummmm...better not mention the relationship here, LOL) that does this all of the time.  She will apologize for something mutiple ways and multiple times.  Then turns right around and does the same type of thing to someone else.  No one takes her seriously these days and just tends to minimize her.  That however tends to escalate her behavior at times.  DH has questioned in the past if it is attention seeking behavior. 

 

Bottom line though is that no one puts much stock into what she does say and few people in the family really trust her.  Her behavior does undermine other people trusting her.  If she is really serious about being sorry, she would not turn around and do the very same thing with someone else in her family or circle of friends. She is smart enough to know what she is doing though, she is not that obtuse.  Good thing for us?  We only have to be around her once a year! 


* Freedom has a taste the protected will never know *
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Posts: 6,673
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@pitdakota wrote:

______________________________________________________

 

I was on for short periods of time last evening, so I don't know about what happened, but you make great points here @The Monkey on My Back.

 

@Marp, good question!  We have a family member on DH's side of the family (ummmm...better not mention the relationship here, LOL) that does this all of the time.  She will apologize for something mutiple ways and multiple times.  Then turns right around and does the same type of thing to someone else.  No one takes her seriously these days and just tends to minimize her.  That however tends to escalate her behavior at times.  DH has questioned in the past if it is attention seeking behavior. 

 

Bottom line though is that no one puts much stock into what she does say and few people in the family really trust her.  Her behavior does undermine other people trusting her.  If she is really serious about being sorry, she would not turn around and do the very same thing with someone else in her family or circle of friends. She is smart enough to know what she is doing though, she is not that obtuse.  Good thing for us?  We only have to be around her once a year! 


Hi Pit, so good to "see" you.  There are a lot of parallels in your post and I was wondering if perhaps I was being too cynical or short-sighted about a compulsive apologizer.

 

I still don't have an answer I'm fully comfortable with but I can always count on you to get me moving in the right direction.

 

Hope all has been well with you and yours.

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
Are you setting an example or being an example?