Community Chat

[JBKO]

NativeJax your post brought me to tears. God it is so hard going through life sometimes. I haven't had it easy having problems in every area of my life it seems--finances,family, health etc. I wasn't dealing with it well but lately I have been telling myself that I can do this because I am strong. I am stronger than those girls I went to high school with. I am stronger than my neighbor. I am one of the few people that can deal with all of this. The same is true for you.

In life you have to take the good with the bad. Have faith there is good to come. "Difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does the body". That was my senior quote.

Good luck my friend.

[SurferWife]

Bless your heart. I don't know whether or not you are a Christian, but if you are, hold fast to the promise of:

1 Peter 5:7- Casting all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

and

Philippians 4:6,7

Stop worrying about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known unto God, and the peace of God which passes understanding, shall garrison your right lobes and your thinking by Christ Jesus.

I hope you may find comfort in these verses.

[IamMrsG]

@NativeJax  I am sorry for your troubles, worries and fears.  Each concern is big enough by itself to cause stress, and of course you feel overwhelmed by the combined weight of them.

Whenever I go through similar feelings, I use a mental image that helps (a little).  I envision a Potter at the wheel, working then re-working His clay until He gets the perfect result He has in mind.  While it might not help feeling like smooshed clay right now, NativeJax, I hope you can believe that God is indeed at work in your life.  I will pray for peace for you and your family.

[NativeJax]

Three months ago I told him he couldn't stay here anymore, I thought I was helping him by forcing him to experience responsibility. He smokes marijuana and has severe anger issues. He is living with a friend near me and I see him but tell him he can't come home. The doctor feels as though my son is self medicating but he is sometimes delusional. I think I have been in denial as mental illness runs in my family, I was hoping to escape this heavy load but I am thankful this doctor is going to make some calls and try to find him some help. He can be very manic....and he has severe OCD, very obsessive. I have tried just about everything but when he hit 18 he wouldn't go to the doctor anymore. I could give lots of examples but trust me it's been tough since he was 14. The reason we were to see this doctor was a second opinion from a hand surgery and that was the result from fighting and punching things all the time. It's really upsetting when he gets like that and sometimes I get really scared. This is why he can't stay here and why he must get help.

[Goldengate8361]

@NativeJax My heart goes out to you. Really. I don't really have any advice. I know you'll figure out what to do. In case it's interesting to know this.....your post helped me to gain a little perspective this evening----as I've been feeling very stressed and down about my own problems---which, honestly, are very small and insignificant compared to the situation you described. I'm wishing you the best and, like others, I will pray for you. I recommend prioritizing your time with your Dad. 

[ILTH]

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@NativeJax wrote:
Three months ago I told him he couldn't stay here anymore, I thought I was helping him by forcing him to experience responsibility. He smokes marijuana and has severe anger issues. He is living with a friend near me and I see him but tell him he can't come home. The doctor feels as though my son is self medicating but he is sometimes delusional. I think I have been in denial as mental illness runs in my family, I was hoping to escape this heavy load but I am thankful this doctor is going to make some calls and try to find him some help. He can be very manic....and he has severe OCD, very obsessive. I have tried just about everything but when he hit 18 he wouldn't go to the doctor anymore. I could give lots of examples but trust me it's been tough since he was 14. The reason we were to see this doctor was a second opinion from a hand surgery and that was the result from fighting and punching things all the time. It's really upsetting when he gets like that and sometimes I get really scared. This is why he can't stay here and why he must get help.

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I hope the doctors can help. Yeah, mental illness doesn't go away on its own.

I hope your son gets the help he needs and that your dad isn't in too much pain. 

Don't worry about your job.  That will resolve itself in your favor one way or another. 

"I contend that we are both atheists . I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."  Stephen Henry Roberts

[sandraskates]

So sorry about all that you're going through.

I suspect your gut feeling is probably correct -  that you will be laid-off. Having been through this myself I can only suggest that you prepare for it. Going to that insurance class is a great start. Looking over your finances should be on the top of your list too.

If you are getting laid-off I'd think you get some severance pay and maybe payment for any unused vacation time (perhaps sick time too).

When I was laid-off I was on my own. I paid off as much debt as I could and refinanced my house so even if I could only secure a minimun wage job I would not lose my house. I found some affordable health insurance.

For 4 years I survived on 3 part-time jobs - and it wasn't that bad. When the economy picked up again, I found full-time work.

You sound like you have a high-level position and can show results, which is really important when you go for a new opportunity.

Hugs to you and let us know the outcome of the CEO visit.

Lastly, might you entertain the thought of going to Phoenix?

[Noel7]

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@NativeJax wrote:
Three months ago I told him he couldn't stay here anymore, I thought I was helping him by forcing him to experience responsibility. He smokes marijuana and has severe anger issues. He is living with a friend near me and I see him but tell him he can't come home. The doctor feels as though my son is self medicating but he is sometimes delusional. I think I have been in denial as mental illness runs in my family, I was hoping to escape this heavy load but I am thankful this doctor is going to make some calls and try to find him some help. He can be very manic....and he has severe OCD, very obsessive. I have tried just about everything but when he hit 18 he wouldn't go to the doctor anymore. I could give lots of examples but trust me it's been tough since he was 14. The reason we were to see this doctor was a second opinion from a hand surgery and that was the result from fighting and punching things all the time. It's really upsetting when he gets like that and sometimes I get really scared. This is why he can't stay here and why he must get help.

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********************************

You mention your son has previously been under a doctor's care.  Do you know what his diagnosis was?  Many people who are mentally ill self-medicate with marijuana.  

Do you have friends who can help?

[Mrsq2022]

@NativeJax I know that this doesn't really help your current situation, but I do want to share that everyone has these times in their lives that feel unbearable.  I've had times when I felt very helpless and wanted to run away from everything, so I know how you feel.  Concern for a loved one has topped the chart for me as the most stressful thing because unlike a job, there is love mixed in with the worry.  Between your father and son, I know how hard it is.  

I am guessing that the #1 concerning issue for you is your son, with the work (and potential lack of insurance) a close second.  I am a planner.  When I feel like I have no control, I try to plan contingency scenarios the best that I can.  I may not like them, but at least I have played out in my brain what will happen when the "worst" occurs and how I will cope with it.  I actually find that to be the only way I can cope.  Then when the expected doom does occur, I know that I'm going to follow my plan B that I've already thought out.  The emotions have already taken place during the planning phase, so although still highly emotional, you can get to acceptance a little faster (in my experience).

This doesn't work for everyone I know, but I feel comfort in having a plan.

Edited to add, are you sleeping?  Please make sure to get sleep even if you need to get an rx.  Lack of sleep compounds these feelings.

Do you and your son have a decent relationship?  Even if he is smoking marijuana he may be able to get a prescription for something that won't interfere.  If he is using harder drugs that is not likely but I believe people who choose marihuana over something like cocaine...they are looking for something to calm their mind and anger.  That is good.  And there are new and evolving prescriptions that can help with this too.  If you try to attack the marijuana use it might not go over well but if you can convince them to talk to a doctor and try to find something that he can take that won't be impacted by marijuana (ie, a prescription that he can take and continue to smoke marijuana) he might be open to the conversation.  Just a thought...

[mzlg]

@NativeJax, I really feel for you and do have an understanding of what you are going through - your father is terminally ill, son needing help, your job is possibly in jeopardy and all of this is affecting your health.  No matter what: YOU MUST keep yourself balanced and maintain your health since they are depending on you.  Like in an airplane - parent/adult puts on the oxygen mask first, then the child's. This/these situation(s) can be & seem over-whelming.  There is help out there ... it just needs to be found.  I do not know what state you live in, however if your Dad is on Soc. Sec. and/or a Vet. he may qualify for extra assistance and/or you can get paid for the time & assistance you provide.  As for your son, he might be able to qualify for Social Sec., as a (Mentally) Disabled person and may also be eligible for State assistance (SSI) and MediCaid - You can be assigned as the Payee, so you will control the money.   If/when he gets the help he needs he could possibly live in a Board & Care licensed for individuals with these situations & may have to attend a weekly program.  I don't know if this will be of any help for you ... I'm sorry if it isn't.

My family/extended family situations are always morphing, not usually in a positive way and I am always balancing myself on the head of a pin.