Community Chat

[San Antonio Gal]

If someone is invited to a party where the host owns dogs and this person is afraid of dogs, this person should stay home.

[Iwantcoffee]

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@San Antonio Gal wrote:

If someone is invited to a party where the host owns dogs and this person is afraid of dogs, this person should stay home.

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People who do not care about the needs of their guest should not have parties. Basic etiquette is showing respect and concern for others. It cost nothing for a host to place their dog in an area away from guest.

[Lisa now in AZ]

Right now we are talking about a guest who is deathly afraid of dogs. I was looking at it from another perspective - I am violently allergic to cats, so I usually ask if a place I am invited to has cats - or they outright say that, knowing that many people are allergic.  I know that people will clean their homes before a party, but, even so, the cat dander is still there. Generally, I will take an allergy pill, and once I start wheezing or having trouble breathing, I will then leave. But, I do appreciate it if the host moves the cat(s) to another room, otherwise those little stinkers can sense that I don't want to be around them and they are all over me!

I just had a good friend come to my new home last week, and even though my dog was at daycare that afternoon, she started coughing within about 10 minutes, so we had to go outside. We have realized that we will have to meet at restaurants since she has several cats and cat runs at her home, so I can't go there and she can't come to my house. Neither one of us would even consider ever asking each other to get rid of their animals. They ARE family.

Maybe a different family member could host the holiday gathering? Then, people would just have to do whatever they do with their animals when they will be gone for a little while. I would suggest the family with the autistic child host, but that would be way too much stimulation. I would certainly invite the entire family and knowing that there is a dog is totally up to that individual family whether they choose to attend. I would be willing to have my dog have a play date at another house for a couple of hours, but not all day. But I would not put the dog away in another room where he would hear all the activity and smell the guests. I would let the family know that my dog is coming HOME at a certain time, so they will need to leave if they want to avoid the dog. I also think that it will be very challenging for this family to avoid all dogs, so, unfortunately, they may have to find some ways to compensate or miss a lot of family gatherings.

[San Antonio Gal]

Very well said @Lisa now in AZ .  

[Marp]

At this point in time I would be interested in how the OP handled the situation.  Did she go to the gathering?  Did her son accompany her?  What was or wasn't done with the dog?

Since the underlying inference seems to be a question of manners or propriety I would think the OP would have the courtesy to let posters know the outcome.

[stevieb]

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@Iwantcoffee wrote:

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@San Antonio Gal wrote:

If someone is invited to a party where the host owns dogs and this person is afraid of dogs, this person should stay home.

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People who do not care about the needs of their guest should not have parties. Basic etiquette is showing respect and concern for others. It cost nothing for a host to place their dog in an area away from guest.

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Oh my yes, and going forward, I'll be sure to poll each and every prospective guest I might invite to my home so that I can be absolutely certain to accommodate each and every one of their phobias, dietary restrictions and preferences, fears, seating preferences, musical preferences, beverage choices, and on and on and on. Why, it's the only way I can ensure that I'm doing a good and competent hosting job. Whatever.

[occasionalrain]

@Iwantcoffee 

What if the other guests are children who look forward to playing with the dog?

What about the dog's feelings? He's a family member and this is his home. He doesn't deserve to be banished in his own home.

A polite guest doesn't create a problem for their host.

[Iwantcoffee]

I would not allow the children to play with the dog to avoid the risk of the children getting bit or hurt by my dog.

[Burnsite]

My sister is afraid of dogs because she was bitten severely by one as a small child. One of our siblings has a somewhat growly young dog, and sis might go to a different room for a while. This is a dog I love to hang out with, but it's true she senses my sister's suppressed anxiety and acts out a little. Anyway, separation is what I would do and it's what my brother did. He put her in her crate but visited and walked her frequently as well as taking her outside for extended play. The dog herself relaxed, having seen that my brother's visitors were not menacing him or his family.  This was a family reunion, and it lasted a long time, but the doggie got many playmates that day.

Many family members have allergies to cats (and I always have a cat).  My house is small, but isn't one of those "open and airy" modern houses with no walls that one sees on the real estate shows. It's full of cubbyholes. Since my cat hangs out with me most days in my office, I will put her in there when I have visitors.  She is a rescue with a rocky past and avoids strangers and fears other animals, but if she has a hidey hole and a door between her and company, she doesn't seem to mind.