Community Chat

[Shanus]

When I was 16, I went to my first frat party w/ a friend. After being introduced to guys and their dates, I felt a "presence" (no joke) behind me. There he was. The love of my life....at first sight. We immediately clicked, both artists (I was fine arts, he in architecture school), similar backgrounds and same religion which was important to both of us.

So began a 4 year relationship of the deepest, most loving, comfortable, easy to be with/could share anything love of my life.

i went off to school at 18 & we managed to fly to see each other on alternate weekends and school breaks. 

Why did it end? I scr*wed it up. I admit it. He was working his way through school and I came from a wealthy family (calm down, Haters). Yes, a little spoiled & high maintenance back then. I offered to pay for some dates, gas for his car, treated for dinner, etc. His parents wanted him to value the dollar although they could afford his expenses (visited his home many times and his Dad was a physician, members of country club set, vacations to exotic locations...). 

One summer, his parents, trying to test the sincerity & seriousness of our love, sent him to Europe for the summer. EUROPE? For 4 years, I had paid for any extras he needed because his folks held back fininancial support & now a summer in Europe?

We wrote each other every week. When he got home at the end of August, we continued dating. He was going away to grad school....another long distance 4 years ahead. I ended it.

To this day, I regret that choice. Although I met my future husband about 6 months later & love him dearly, it is not and never was that deep love that First Love brings to our heart. I still think of him often. He'd be about 71 now. Sometimes I wonder if we could have "made" it. I'll never know.

[tends2dogs]

@Shanus  Now, this is my own personal opinion, but I think this is dangerous ground that you are treading on.  It is one thing to think back on your past and smile with sweet memories, but to wonder if you could have made it with someone else.  Your statement that the love you have for your husband is not that deep love of your "first love" is sad. 

Don't dwell on "what ifs" and instead take a good look at what you have.  As I said, this is my opinion.  This isn't a slam on you.

[Shanus]

Wow. Long OP. Anyone remember their first loves w/ passion and fond memories?

[mac116]

I am in the same boat with the "What ifs?"  I too broke off the relationship of 2 years because I was emotionally hurt by something he did.  No amount of apologizing would change my mind.  I love my husband of over 45 years, but for me there just is something about that FIRST LOVE.

[Shanus]

@tends2dogs. We've been married for 47 yrs., 2 children and 2 grandchildren...more than happy and very much in love. My point in OP is that there is an innocence and sweetness of "first love" that is a one time gift. No, if we were to meet, would I leave my life and run into his arms. That doesn't mean I can't reminisce. 

[hoosieroriginal]

Oh first loves - we're so young and stupid, aren't we?  My first love took off with his buddies and traveled the country one summer.  His best friend (whose girlfriend was away for the summer at camp) showed up at my house in his Porche and he and I started dating and that was the end of the relationship after word got back to him what had happened.   

[Preds]

I remember all my past loves with fond memories.  There were reasons for them to be a part of my past and if I hadn't loved them, they wouldn't be a part of it.  Do I wonder?  No.  Simply was not meant to be and somehow we knew it.  Life moved on and so did we.  As far as I know it all worked out well for everyone.

[tends2dogs]

@Shanus  Sorry if I misunderstood your OP.  I took it that you were longing for this guy and apparently you aren't.  Sorry.  I certainly don't think it is wrong to look back on our lives and remember sweet moments. 

BTW Congrats on 47 years!  I am coming up on 39 in a few days. 

Have a great day!

[dex]

@Shanus The way I see it you made the right choice in your situation.He might have felt less respected because you paid his way and were used to more than he could offer.you have a happy marriage but I agree that the first love and it's intensity is a beautiful memory.

[PhilaLady1]

I am so lucky to be married to my first love.  Met my husband at 13, we were boyfriend and girlfriend when I was 15, moved in together and "lived in sin" as they called it in those days, when I was 18.  Married at 21.  I will be 59 next month. We had our rocky years but stayed together and got through it.