Ethic's Question:

Suhse · ‎03-13-2012

From an Ethic's class I'm taking for work: 1. If you adopt a child do you tell the Child that they are adopted, and when? 2. if you are an adopted child at some point do you make the attempt, to at least discover who your biological parents are? 3. If you choose not to inform your child that they are adopted what is your reasoning?

Preds · ‎12-17-2012

1. Yes. When I felt they were old enough and loved enough to understand how lucky I was to receive them as a precious gift.

2. That would depend on the child. Some may feel a need to find out, some may need to for medical reasons and some may not want to know. I'm not adopted, just my thoughts.

3. Can't imagine.

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm." She whispers back, "I am the storm."

pinkskates4 · ‎03-10-2010

i would tell the child as soon as she is old enough to understand. Undoubtedly she would find out at some point, and I would never want to her regard her upbringing as living a lie.

I would also tell her that while I don't know the specifics, it was a brave decision her mother made to give up her child so that her child could have a better life than she was equipped to provide.

JaneMarple · ‎05-23-2011

My ex husband as adopted as a baby and his parents told him at an early age, he didn't have any problems with it growing up. He appreciated them for telling him the truth, eventually when he was older he was told all that they knew about his birth parents.

He found out in his mid thirties about his birth mother but his father is still a mystery,

You Don't Own Me- Leslie Gore
(You don't Know) How Glad I Am- Nancy Wilson

stilltamn8r · ‎03-14-2010

So some people really wrestle with whether or not to tell the truth?

raven-blackbird · ‎06-03-2010

you tell a child they are adopted at an early age.......just as you tell them every day you love them and are so happy they are in your life............you raise them well, you raise them to be whole, strong, loving people and if they want to find their biological parents.......you help them........ be strong in the fact they know you love them and want the best for them...........you have a history of love, caring and just being there in your corner.............................raven

We're not in Kansas anymore ToTo

NoelSeven · ‎03-09-2010

I don't see this as an ethics problem, it's more about the psychology behind dealing with adoption and the child.

1) IMO it's best to tell a child she is adopted. It should be an open subject as soon as she's able to understand, and always a positive thing. I like the practice of celebrating Adoption Day, the day she (or he) came home, as a special day for the family.

2) It's up to the child to decide if she wants to find her bio parents. If she does, many families say they will help her do that when she is 18. Support her decision to do so or not to do so.

3) I don't support not telling the child. If she finds out when she's older it can be very emotional, a shock with anger. Why do that? She needs to know her genetic makeup if possible and that includes knowing that she has not inherited your predisposition to certain medical problems.

A Thrill Of Hope The Weary World Rejoices

stilltamn8r · ‎03-14-2010

What is a reason that a parent would NOT tell an adopted child that they were adopted? I mean, maybe if their Dad was Charles Manson or something, in order to "protect" the child but I have found one can rarely be "protected" from what is, inevitably, true... And once that truth DOES come out, there will be much hurt from the attempt to hide it in the first place-...

JaneMarple · ‎05-23-2011

On 2/28/2014 NoelSeven said:
I don't see this as an ethics problem, it's more about the psychology behind dealing with adoption and the child.

1) IMO it's best to tell a child she is adopted. It should be an open subject as soon as she's able to understand, and always a positive thing. I like the practice of celebrating Adoption Day, the day she (or he) came home, as a special day for the family.

2) It's up to the child to decide if she wants to find her bio parents. If she does, many families say they will help her do that when she is 18. Support her decision to do so or not to do so.

3) I don't support not telling the child. If she finds out when she's older it can be very emotional, a shock with anger. Why do that? She needs to know her genetic makeup if possible and that includes knowing that she has not inherited your predisposition to certain medical problems.

I saw a clip from the show "Paternity Court" on FB yesterday and a young man found out that the woman who raised him was not his mother. She was his his aunt, his birth mother died during childbirth and she never told anyone, not even her husband. It was very sad.

You Don't Own Me- Leslie Gore
(You don't Know) How Glad I Am- Nancy Wilson

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

Ethics? There's nothing ethical about any of those questions.

1. I think adopted children should be told that they are adopted. Why wouldn't you tell the child? It's part of that child's life story and it's a wonderful thing. Not something to be hidden. When, that depends on the child. I have dear friend who has two adopted daughters, she adopted them as infants and they have always known. From the time, they first asked where babies come from, she began telling them the truth in an age appropriate way.

2. Whether or not to search for birth parents is up to the adoptee. I think that if I had an adopted child and that child wanted to find his or her "real" parents. It would break my heart, it would undo me. But it's still the adoptee's decision to make. I do think that making contact is fine but if the birth parent doesn't want to meet the adoptee and doesn't want a relationship with the adoptee, the adoptee should RESPECT that.

3. I can't imagne not telling the child. I know it was common to keep it a secret many years ago but I don't think that's the case now.