Community Chat

[wildcherry]

I've never adopted children and I was not adopted but these are my thoughts.

1. I would absolutely tell my child that he or she was adopted.

2. If I was adopted, I would probably at least ask my adoptive parents where I came from and want to know the story behind my adoption.

3. I couldn't think of any reason why I would NOT want to tell my child he or she was adopted.

[Blahblahvampemer]

As an adoptee....

1. My parents were contractually obligated to tell me that I was adopted. They did so in more depth when I asked what being adopted meant. Then I went around with a dumb grin on my face for days and days. I still consider it about the coolest thing in my background.

2. My parents were told some basic facts about my history when they picked me up (less than two months old, bio mom had her cooling off period), but when I was 22, I wrote to the state for the details they'd given my parents way back when. They would only do so if I "opened" my birth records. That creeped me out, but I did it anyway. Bio mom was this tall, the oldest, long fingers...blah, blah, blah. Bio dad was close to 7' tall, he wanted to get married but bio mom wanted a life, best all around if I was adopted...blah, blah, blah. It was nice to know, but it did nothing more than tell me where my height came from and such. When I wanted to close my records, the state said they didn't know how to reverse the procedure. Luckily no bio whomevers have popped up. If they did, I"d politely decline any further contact. When your parents were champagne, you don't give a darn about an unknown table wine.

3. Can't answer that one.

[cater]

Absolutely TELL THEM when they are able to know what you are talking about. It is he-- to find out when you are in your 40's and you get this bomb dropped on you. It happened to someone very close to me it was terrible for that person. All of us knew all these years except for the person who adopted. TELL THEM.

[ennui1]

On 2/28/2014 blahblahvampemerblah said:

When your parents were champagne, you don't give a darn about an unknown table wine.

Nicely phrased. I think this could also apply to step-parents.

Personally, I think biology can't compare to love.

[Cyndog]

Singer Bobby Darin found out in his 30's that his ""sister"" was actually his mother and his ""mother"" who raised him was really his grandmother and it sent him into a long depression. He felt so lied to all those years.

[Jannabelle]

On 3/1/2014 cyndog said: Singer Bobby Darin found out in his 30's that his ""sister"" was actually his mother and his ""mother"" who raised him was really his grandmother and it sent him into a long depression. He felt so lied to all those years.

That is so sad.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 2/28/2014 lulu2 said:

If the child were the result of ra*pe, I do not know when or if I'd share that information.

IMO, that would be the only issue I would wrestle with for months--or years--on end, if I were an adoptive parent. (Barring any other sort of unusual circumstances.)

The other questions I already know the answer to...I would give the amount of truth that my child was developmentally ready to hear, and leave the details out until he/she was mature enough to process them. If my child was developmentally disabled, I probably wouldn't tell him/her the details because there would be no point in telling that kiddo something they could never really process fully.

I would always reinforce the fact that he/she was with me because of my deep desire to have him/her here.

[mistriTsquirrel]

On 2/28/2014 blahblahvampemerblah said:

When your parents were champagne, you don't give a darn about an unknown table wine.

I think that is mostly true...but I think that adopted kids are often just looking for answers (as you found). They aren't looking for a replacement for their champagne...they just want to know the back story behind the "table wine," and perhaps some medical history.

[ennui1]

On 3/1/2014 Jannabelle said:

On 3/1/2014 cyndog said: Singer Bobby Darin found out in his 30's that his ""sister"" was actually his mother and his ""mother"" who raised him was really his grandmother and it sent him into a long depression. He felt so lied to all those years.

That is so sad.

I posted the same thing about Jack Nicholson and no one noticed. Maybe I'm on ""ignore.""

[esmeraldagooch]

I'm adopted and was told as long ago as I can remember. I don't think its the parents roll to find the biological parents. Let the child if its important to them. I know 4 who looked for themselves. Two are glad, two are not.