Community Chat

[Elstongunn]

What if the birth parent(s) asked that their identities NEVER be revealed to the child, and the adoptive parents knew them, or were aware of their request? Do you tell the child that? Do you respect the birth parents' wish, or the child's wish?

[lulu2]

If I adopted a child I would tell him/her when he/she was old enough to understand. If he/she wanted to contact his/her birth parents, I'd (probably) help.

If the child were the result of ra*pe, I do not know when or if I'd share that information.

[stilltamn8r]

On 2/28/2014 ktlynam said:

What if the birth parent(s) asked that their identities NEVER be revealed to the child, and the adoptive parents knew them, or were aware of their request? Do you tell the child that? Do you respect the birth parents' wish, or the child's wish?

Sounds like making a deal with the Devil.....

How could you possibly raise a child, knowing that everything you are telling them is a lie?

[goodstuff]

That doesn't strike me as an ethics question. It's more like a parenting/psychology question. Yes, I'd tell a child he/she is adopted. I'd leave it up to the child whether he/she wants to seek his/her birth parents later in life.

And it's not "ethic's". It's "ethics".

[Love my grandkids]

I strongly take issue with the term "real parents." The CORRECT term is "biological parents".

The REAL parents are those who adopt, love and raise a child.

[MickD]

1. From the time when they are little - when you can read to them and show them pictures (from adoption book) as per experts.

2. As an adopted child it is his/her choice as whether he/she wants to look for parents. Whether open or closed adoption that is another question.

3. If you choose not to tell your child, then you need to speak to a mental health professional about that issue/what's stopping you.

[Elstongunn]

On 2/28/2014 stilltamn8r said:

On 2/28/2014 ktlynam said:

What if the birth parent(s) asked that their identities NEVER be revealed to the child, and the adoptive parents knew them, or were aware of their request? Do you tell the child that? Do you respect the birth parents' wish, or the child's wish?

Sounds like making a deal with the Devil.....

How could you possibly raise a child, knowing that everything you are telling them is a lie?

I meant more along the lines that the child can know he/she is adopted, but that the bio parents don't want their identifies ever revealed. Do you help the child find them, or do you withhold any information you might know?

[raven-blackbird]

On 2/28/2014 ktlynam said:

What if the birth parent(s) asked that their identities NEVER be revealed to the child, and the adoptive parents knew them, or were aware of their request? Do you tell the child that? Do you respect the birth parents' wish, or the child's wish?

it's not about them anymore........it's about the child.......they gave up that right the moment that child was conceived..........now it's about doing what is in the child's best interest......they gave up the child for that reason, it doesn't end there.................................raven

[colliegirls]

On 2/28/2014 Love my grandkids said:

I strongly take issue with the term "real parents." The CORRECT term is "biological parents".

The REAL parents are those who adopt, love and raise a child.

I totally agree. The child should be told when they are old enough to understand. I also believe it should be treated as no big deal. Its just another way that HE brings families together.

[SydneyH]

I can't imagine, especially with the technology we have these days, trying to hide a child's history.