ENJOY A FEW LAUGHS

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

1. Can't decide if I want a hug, an XL coffee,

a shot of vodka, or 2 weeks of sleep.

2. You haven't experienced true heartbreak until

you've been thinking about leftovers all day and

when you come home you find someone ate them.

3. You can only choose one - which is it?

1. You never have to do laundry again

2. You never have to cook again

3. Your kids go to bed every night without drama

4. Your house is always clean

5. Adam Lambert moves in next door.

4. Sometimes I just want someone to hug me

and say "I know it's hard, you're going to be

okay, here's a coffee...And 5 million dollars.

5. Whoever has a Voodoo doll of me, take some

of the stuffing out, I'm trying to lose weight.

6. If cauliflower can somehow become pizza - you

my friend - can do anything.

7. Yes, please get a new cup every time you need a

drink of water, I love doing dishes...said NO mother,

EVER.

8. The most common ghosts are the ones that appear

dressed in a white sheet with flailing arms who died

whilst changing the duvet and they are condemned to

wander in bedrooms forever, trying to find the corners.

9. I love it when the kids tell me they are bored. As if

the lady standing in front of the sink full of dirty

dishes is where you go to get ideas how to have a

good time.

10. They say, "Do what you love and money will follow."

So I ate cheesecake and drank some wine.

NOW I WAIT

11. Not to brag or anything, but

I'm kind of a big deal to my

DOG

12. A body like this doesn't happen overnight.

It takes pregnancy, some neglect and extra

slices of pizza.

13. Daughter: Can we have birthday cake?

Me: It's not your birthday.

Daughter: The cake won't know.

14. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

Every one of those sounds like an Erma Bombeck.

Who are you quoting?

RoughDraft · ‎03-09-2010

I'll take 7, 8 and 10.

~The only difference between this place and the Titanic is that the Titanic had a band.~

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

@x Hedge wrote:
Every one of those sounds like an Erma Bombeck.
Who are you quoting?

@x Hedge

I have no idea. My granddaughter in NJ sent me an e-mail with all the jokes with no names included. As for Erma Bombeck, she was fantastic and I loved whatever she said, always made me laugh.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

AKgirl2 · ‎05-24-2016

@Lindsays Grandma wrote:
@x Hedge wrote:
Every one of those sounds like an Erma Bombeck.
Who are you quoting?
@x Hedge
I have no idea. My granddaughter in NJ sent me an e-mail with all the jokes with no names included. As for Irma Bombeck, she was fantastic and I loved whatever she said, always made me laugh.

@Lindsays Grandma , @x Hedge , One of my favorites from EB

was "Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving." How true. I'm an EB fan also. Smart, funny lady.