Dutch Treat Reception ??? - Page 10

RazorSharp · ‎02-20-2016

@Deanie wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
@Ms X wrote:
What will they think of next?

Virtual wedding. Just send in the gift.
Great reply. May I add to your thought? Virtual wedding, virtual gift...send a picture of a gift you were thinking about sending. It is a Dutch gift giving opportunity, you pay for your own gift.( I am surprised a PC individual has not spoken against the obvious slight on the term "Dutch" ):

No, even better - Just RSVP and insert a card with the website address of an item that they had on their registry, and tell them they can find the gift there, and pay for it themselves. Since they sent a menu from the restaurant where they expect the guests to pay, I think this would be an appropriate gift.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@151949 wrote:
@sunshine45 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.
My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well.

my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.
Well, we looked it up in Emily Post because we were not sure what the protocol was for our situation and that was what it said was the proper way to announce that a marriage had taken place. I suppose though, that you know what is proper way better than Emily Post.

I don't think her point was that sending announcements is not the proper way to announce a marriage. Of course it certainly is! Her point, at least as I understood it, is that you certainly can't be surprised if people who get those announcements might feel a bit put out that they were not invited to the wedding and yet now they apparently are expected to send a gift.

Lots of people view announcements that way. They feel they have to respond by sending something. That doesn't mean it's not proper to send them, just that the reaction might not be as positive as you would want it to be.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@NYC Susan

I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts. Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

VanSleepy · ‎10-05-2010

@151949 wrote:
@NYC Susan
I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts. Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

I don't think Sunshine meant it in a nasty way. I almost posted the same thing and didn't mean it in a nasty way. It's just that with all the talk of "gift grabs", some may have perceived your announcement as such even though it was not your intention.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@151949 wrote:
@NYC Susan
I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts. Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

I haven't missed any posts. I was just commenting on what someone posted about sending announcements. It is understandable, IMO, that some people would feel slighted that they were not invited to a wedding, but rather just received an announcement afterward.

I'm not saying that I agree or disagree with that. I also didn't see anything here that I would classify as an attack or anything mean. Just people expressing opinions, and IMO this thread has been pretty civil.

RazorSharp · ‎02-20-2016

They just handled the whole thing stupidly. They should have just referred to the post-ceremony coffee and cake as the "reception," then after everyone RSVP'd, sent out an email or separate note stating that if the guests are looking for a place to dine later in the evening, they recommend Restaurant X, and that they could call xxx-xxxx for reservations. They would get their gifts at the reception following the ceremony, and while the immediate family would probably attend the dinner, anyone else who showed up would just be gravy. Why, when they are having a reception where they could collect their gifts and greet their guests, would they intentionally insult others with the manner in which they executed this invitation is beyond me.

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

@sunshine45 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.
My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well.

my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.

Exactly. I have a relative who lives out of state and one of her sons is graduating. There is no way in heck any of us from here are going to drive 12 hours and I'm sure she knows that but yet we received an invitation to the graduation party.

Some in my family are grumbling that she did it for the gifts and she should have just sent out a graduation announcement. I don't see the big deal. To me, whether she just sent an announcement out or the invitation, I think a gift is in order and I'm happy to send it.

Mj12 · ‎03-09-2010

@sunshine45 wasn't "nasty" at all.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

I'm so sorry that you all think that sending out an announcement of a wedding is a gift grab and I can assure you it is the PROPER thing to do. I am also just as sure that the bride and groom would much rather not get a gift from you than to get one that was sent in a begrudging attitude. It is certainly much more proper than going in debt having a wedding you can't afford.