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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,539
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Do you temper your excitement?

I just realized earlier this week that I do not get excited, extremely happy or over-joyed about anything anymore.

 

I am not sad, I am very content and happy with my life and my family but I almost have a fear of "expecting".

 

Let me explain why I think this is

 

We planned a fabulous dream vacation early last year, we were thrilled and then disaster the trip was a bust-extreme weather, loss of power, airline problems, etc. (If it was a movie you would not believe it.) We could not wait to get home and relax.  It was no ones fault- it just happened.  DH and I were safe and that's all that matters.

 

We bought our dream house- joy quickly turned into months of expense and heart ache.  The legal battle continues to this day.

 

Bought new furniture and window treatments for the new house - not ONE item 14 items NOT ONE item arrived as it should have.  Everything was either damaged, wrong size or wrong color.  All from different companies. We are into month 6 of trying to get this resolved.

People ask excitedly "how's the new house?  How's the new furniture?"  and all I can say is 'Fine."  There is no point to complain and nothing to be joyous about either.

 

I am happy and appreciate our health and our blessings.  But I feel like 'don't get excited or too happy because when it all goes wrong you will be disappointed.'  So it seems safe to temper excitement.  Is this ok?

 

I feel like if everything is 'fine' it is good enough.  I can not imagine something going great or easy.

 

PS - after the last disaster NONE of our friends will vacation with us anymore because all of the trips we go on end with a horrible story.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,525
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

[ Edited ]

Today was an absolutely perfect day and I kept thinking what could go wrong. Well, sitting at the pizza place tonight, I broke a tooth. Not on anything I ate - it was probably weak or cracked. Not that it compares to what OP has been going through, but it is a reminder not to get our hopes up. Basically, I am an enthusiastic person.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,249
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

@Abrowneyegirl  I don't think it's just you.  If you think about it, very few people take pride in what they do these days.

 

You pay for something (like your house, work being done, etc) and would like to just enjoy it and......

 

You can't because there is always some kind of problem.  

 

My friend and I talk about this exact same thing all of the time.

 

With her, she's been trying for months to get someone to trim some trees for her.  The guy next door to her hired someone but he (the neighbor) stopped short of asking her if she wanted the limbs hanging on her yard cut too.

She went over to him and got the name of the guy he used.

 

She called the guy, made an appointment and the tree trimmer never showed up.  Then she found someone else, similar problem.  She STILL hasn't found anyone willing to even come out and give her an estimate.  It's not about the money.  She's willing to pay a good price for it, but it's as if these people don't need the money.

 

As for myself.  Well, I finally decided to get a new roof.  My late husband was a builder/developer, so I know something about doing a good job and building.  I watched the roof go up on the house behind me and was very impressed with the work, time, etc.

 

So, I drove over to the house and talked to the owner.  He gave me the name and number of the roofing company.  We played tag back and forth.  He finally came over and looked at the roof.  Then I contacted my insurance company and they sent out a woman to look at it.  OK, no problem.  She didn't bring a ladder (it's all brick and very high).  So, I gave her one of mine and told her the best way to get up there.  I periodically have someone clean up the gutters, etc, so I keep the ladder handy.

 

Nothing from the insurance company.  Weeks go by with me texting and calling them.  Finally, as I'm going down my driveway, she pulls up and (in shorts) asks me if I have any 'loose shingles' because they have decided I should PATCH my roof.  The roof was put on new in 2001 after a house fire.  It is leaking from one end of the house to the other.  I have no intention of patching that roof.  I intend to sell this house.  A patched roof will never work.

 

Then (still no interaction between myself and insurance company) I get a check for a few thousand dollars.  I'm supposed to find some shingles, etc.  

 

I haven't cashed the check.  In the meantime after texting and calling the roof guy (about 2 weeks went by) I finally got a text from someone who says he's with the company and the guy I dealt with is no longer there.  OK?

 

So, long story short, I'm supposed to meet with the roof guy (the new one) tomorrow afternoon.  It's not about spending the money.  I always knew I wanted a new roof and would have to pay for most of it myself.

 

It's about having someone do it right so I can move on to other improvements.

 

When my husband was alive everything he did, it was done with pride and right the first time.  Even after he'd moved on with another house, if the people had any problem (even months later) he'd go back and fix the problem.  Often, it had nothing to do with what he'd done, it was totally different problems.  Once, these people had squirrels in their attic.  He tried to get them out himself.  When he couldn't, he hired a professional and the squirrels were gone.  Things like that.

 

No one anymore seems to care about doing a good job.  As far as your trip, it sounds somewhat similar.  You probably feel like, "When is the other shoe going to fall...Do I dare TRY to enjoy this?"  It's hard to enjoy something when there's so much frustration involved in it.

 

Again, I know this was long but it is just one example at how it's difficult to enjoy things because there always seems to be some kind of downer or problem and it lingers long after you've TRIED to deal with it.

 

I don't know if it helps anyone and I know I sound like Debbie Downer (from Saturday Night Live)....but sometimes it helps to know you are not alone.  

 

I'm normally a person who sees the upside of everything (remember that other side of my brain).  However, it sometimes strains itself trying to find the upside.  

 

People just don't take pride in their work.  It makes if difficult to enjoy doing things and getting things done when you worry about the professionalism of the worker.

 

Take care....Fondly, Annabellethecat.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

@Abrowneyegirl, you asked whether it's okay for you to feel this way. Of course it is. Maybe it's only temporary, though. But if not, that's okay too, as long as you don't think that you might be suffering from depression.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,569
Registered: ‎05-23-2015

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

I think that when you are younger, you are optimistic and assume that things will turn out great. Experience teaches us that , that isn’t always the case.  I’m happy when thing go well, but not reall shocked when they don’t.

" You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts."
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,083
Registered: ‎10-26-2010

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

So sorry for what you're going thru.

 

I do understand what you mean.  Most of my life was spent waiting for the other shoe to drop.  And, it usually did;  3 steps forward, 12 backwards.

 

The older I get, I am thankful for my family (even if some are always too busy), my friends, and the bit of good health that I have.  We haven't had a vacation in ages;  something always comes up.  So, instead of planning and looking forward to things, it is easier to just go day by day and enjoy whatever I can.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

You-know-what happens. To all of us. But I also have learned that:

* expectations—positive visualization—can affect outcomes

* how you choose to look at hassles, such as travel woes or house projects gone awry (oh, I’ve been there all too often) affects the memories later

 

I’m not referring to the huge stuff, such as grief, but the everyday things. The only thing we can expect is the unexpected. What one person might view as a ruined trip may be seen by others as part of a great adventure. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,151
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, since my Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2017 and died last year. Compared to anything and everything else that's the worst thing in my life. But things have been shoe dropping for me since then. Fed up with disappointing people, selfish people, and lots of other things.

 

My Mom wouldn't want me to give up. Honoring her memory and making her proud, that's what keeps me going. That and the help I've sought, and the kindness of strangers.

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,539
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

@libbyannE 

I truly agree and believe in the power of positive thinking.  About 2 1/2 yrs ago when I got frustrated with the black cloud that follows us everywhere I started to read many books on visualization, positive energy, gratitude etc.

I listen to a lesson daily on my walk and 2 1/2 years ago I started a gratitude journal.  Every morning and evening I write down all the things I am grateful for and script how I wish for things to unfold with ease.  

Obviously not much has changed - the black cloud remains but at least I try to find a silver lining.  And the cloud has not gotten bigger. ;-)

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,000
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Do you temper your excitement?

I won't go into my sad tale of woe concerning the lack of sale of our old house, its been a nightmare involving an unscrupulous real estate agent.  This thread makes me realize we are not alone.  Yet in my day to day life I think I'm happy.  I take joy in little things, like winning jewelry in local online auctions.   

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