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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,758
Registered: ‎01-18-2012

Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

For the past 13+ years we have lived in a different state away from our married daughter, grand children and newly arrived first great grandchild.  See them about 2/3 times a year.

For the past year or so all of them have been asking us to "come home" back to their state so that we can all see each other and be a complete family together especially our married granddaughter who wants us to enjoy her new baby too.

We have now made the decision and are upping and planning to move in approx 6 mos.  We are all very excited about this new venture but many of our friends here think we are "crazy to move near family", but most of them do not have children.  We love our family and think we are fortunate they want us old uns with them.

My daughter and son in law say we need you guys here to complete us all.

It has surprised me the negative responses we have heard about this - just wondering what general opinions were.

Anyhow we will soon be off.

Super Contributor
Posts: 353
Registered: ‎12-30-2011

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

So happy for you.  You are blessed to have a family that loves you so much that they want you to be near them.  Seeing your family two or three times a year isn't the same as seeing them on a daily or weekly basis...especially when you are watching your grandchildren and great grandchildren grow up.  They grow so fast!  I think you made a great decision.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,454
Registered: ‎01-13-2013

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

  I would move as soon as I could and I would be extremely grateful to have such a loving family (I'm sure you are).

 

  I would do the same thing! It will be great!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

My daughter, SIL and grandson lived about 45 minutes away from us in a townhouse.  MY daughter got a new job and the commute time one way from her new job from their townhouse was going to be about 45 minutes.  THe commute to her new job from where we live would also be 45 minutes in the other direction and we live outside of the metropolitan area their townhouse was in and housing costs  out here are way lower than where their townhouse was located.  So the townhouse was sold and a new single family home out here 15 minutes from me was purchased.  I take my 3 1/2 year old grandson once a week and we spend the day together.  NOw that my husband has passed away I am so happy to,have family close.  MY SIL helps me with things around the house and it is nice to know family is close if I should become ill.    BElieve me you will not regret the move but do try not to totally rely on your family for your social life.  DO try to make friends your own age.

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,803
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

"Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?"

 

NOPE!

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."


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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,278
Registered: ‎01-02-2011

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

[ Edited ]

I've seen parents move to be close to their adult children only to have the children move away for a promotion or a new job.  It's something to keep in mind.  I want to live close to at least one of my sons but I would not want to chase them around the country.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,247
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

@dulwich  Oh!  Bugger!  Pay no attention to those doom and gloomer's....

 

The fact is it will work out great as long as neither of you overdo the visits.  There is such a thing as 'too much together time'.

 

I think what you need to remember is that your time is just as valuable as your daughter and her family.  What is mean is live your life as if you didn't live near them.  When they call (or you want to get together), you have as much right as they do to say, "It's not convenient".  

 

I think when things don't work out with families it's because either the children (adults) expect the parents to be devoted to them (i.e. babysitter, etc) and/or the parents make a pain in the rump of themselves.

 

My oldest daughter lives about 1/2 hour or so from me.  If I'm coming from my Drs (she's on the way home), sometimes I'll call and ask if it's convenient I bring McDonald's for my grandson (age 4) and lunch for the two of us.  Most of the time she welcomes the visit.  There've been a few times when she says it isn't convenient and that works too.  She manages 4 children in 4 different schools.  She's a stay at home mom and is relatively (she has my genes) normal.  Ha!

 

Every now and then she comes over and she and her family help me with some household chores (only about 1X's a month).  I have someone else that helps me.

 

I think you are in for a new adventure.  There's nothing like spending time with your child (even if they are adults) you'll find not a lot has changed as long as you keep your mouth shut on what you observe.  Remember, you had your chance and now is her's.  Do not offer advice unless asked and even then choose your words carefully.  Remember, she's married to the guy and even if she's ready to kill him tomorrow is another day....

 

It's not like I have all of the answers (who does).  But these are a few of the things I've observed and learned.

 

I have two other daughters (one used to live near me too), now the other two live in other states.  

 

We all four have very honest and open relationships.  We fuss and get angry but it doesn't last.  One reason is because we never carry it TOO FAR.  Just remember that.

 

Again, your time is valuable too.  Do not offer advice (even when asked choose words carefully).  Don't over-stay welcome.  Always call first.  Don't get upset when they say, "Not convenient".  Lead your own life, not your's and her's.

 

Have fun and ignore those doom and gloom people.  You have some wonderful adventures ahead of you.  Please let us know how you are doing....I'm dying to hear how much fun you are having...Annabellethecat.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,162
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

Agree with KathyPet. Be with the family who welcomes you -- and keep in mind they won't take the place of your social group. I'll add, they don't really want your advice on a routine basis, so try to resist that pitfall. Enjoy this time with your family.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,917
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

I say if they want you and you want to go...what's stopping you?Your friends are just worried that they will lose your company.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,906
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Do You Live Close To Your Grown Children?

Two grown sons. One lives an hour's drive away, same state. The other is in Europe in the Army.