Community Chat

[Yardlie]

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@PamelaSue72 wrote:

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Why would you send money? Seriously, I've never heard of this.

If it's somebody who's not really close, we weill send a sympathy card. Somebody close and we will send flowers. When we know the family prefers a donation to a favorite charity in lieu of flowers, we will donate. 

I've never included money in a sympathy card. And I think I would be offended to receive money. It's almost like sending a gift to the survivor.....that's tacky.

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@PamelaSue72 ... I think it is an old-fashioned custom in some religions, cultures, or locales. It is to help pay for the funeral. Sometimes we take hot food to the family also.

I was raised Catholic, but my brother and his family are Jewish. When he died two years ago, we went to Philadelphia for his funeral. Many of the people from his synagogue sent food to the house for the family so that they would not have to worry about cooking while they were grieving.

[CANDLEQUEEN]

When my father passed away, people sent cards, some with money and some without. People also stopped over to my parents house with food and flowers,etc...I think anything you can do is so appreciated.People do remember! By not acknowledging it at all is rude!!!!!

[Yardlie]

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@beckyb1012 wrote:

Yes I do for not only people I do not know well but for friends and family.  I send the acquaintance cards right a way and since I have been to a service or home of the closer people I send a card to them a few weeks later when most folks have gone back to their own lives.  I want them to know I still am praying and thinking of them and remind them again to let me help if they need any.  I usually send out a "thinking of you" card on the day of the loss one year later since that is such a hard time.

I would never dream of giving money as if it was a celebration like a birthday or wedding.

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@beckyb1012 ... That is a lovely thing to do.

[Lipstickdiva]

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@SaRina wrote:

Where I come from, a sympathy card alone is fine and that is what I do most often.  For someone close, I pay my respects in person and will sometimes make a donation to a charity of their choice.  I would never send money.

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I am kind of surprised at the number of people who wouldn't send money or would be offended to receive it.

When and where I grew up, it was pretty much normal to give money in a card for the death of a person, especially if the person was relatively young with a family still to support. It was just what was done to help the family with expenses or the future of the spouse and children left behind. It was always thought that even if there was insurance money coming etc. there would be a financial lull as people were off work for the death and funeral, out of town relatives staying for the services, and until the money arrived from insurance.

I never heard anyone say they were offended or not grateful for the help.

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Same here @Mominohio.  We received several cards with money in them when my parents passed away.

Also, we are Catholic.  Typically at the wake, there are envelopes by the guest book.  Those envelopes are for people to put money into and the front of the envelope has various boxes you can check.  One indicates you want the money used for a mass in the decedent's name and the other box is for the family to use the money as they want. 

[vermint]

It's never occured to me to enclose money with a sympathy card, nor have I ever received money in one. Maybe a regional or cultural thing? I've sent cards and/or dontated money to a requested charity many times. Once in a great while I do flowers. I'm Southern Baptist--we feed people when someone in their family passes away! If finances are an issue, sometimes a collection will be taken (often in the person's Sunday School class) and the money delivered to the family in one check.

[hopi]

There are times that just a sympathy card is acceptable don't let people make you feel bad about anything else.  A hand written note also would make it more personable.  The card was an appropriate way to express your feelings.

[colliegirls]

I have never heard of putting money in a sympathy card.

[Isobel Archer]

I think you did the right and thoughtful thing.

Good grief - send money?  The last thing I would expect someone to do if I lost my husband would be to send me money.  What kind of message is that?

[bri20]

If it's someone I don't know very well or only know in a casual manner, I would just send a card and probably not enclose money.

I have often enclosed money in sympathy cards when I attend a wake or funeral.

For me, it depends on the circumstances.

I would never guilt someone for not enclosing money.  That's rude.

[PamelaSue72]

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@Brinklii wrote:

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@PamelaSue72 wrote:

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Why would you send money? Seriously, I've never heard of this.

If it's somebody who's not really close, we weill send a sympathy card. Somebody close and we will send flowers. When we know the family prefers a donation to a favorite charity in lieu of flowers, we will donate. 

I've never included money in a sympathy card. And I think I would be offended to receive money. It's almost like sending a gift to the survivor.....that's tacky.

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@PamelaSue72 ... I think it is an old-fashioned custom in some religions, cultures, or locales. It is to help pay for the funeral. Sometimes we take hot food to the family also.

I was raised Catholic, but my brother and his family are Jewish. When he died two years ago, we went to Philadelphia for his funeral. Many of the people from his synagogue sent food to the house for the family so that they would not have to worry about cooking while they were grieving.

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Thank you. I really didn't know about sending money. Food, yes. Meals, yes. I've done that for close friends and relatives. I didn't want to bring up food and meals on the board because I know there are people who are very much offended to be expected to eat food prepared by others....and I didn't want this thread to go off-track. But I understand now about the money and thank you.