Hello I wanted to start a discussion about this topic....I seem to read many posts on this forum and others for relationship issues that have to due with this.
I have read others say things like "I do not depend on my spouse to make me happy" or "I do not depend on anyone else to make me happy" and "I make myself happy" and things of this nature.
Where my confusion comes in is that isn't most everything we do that we enjoy at least based on the motivation that "it" will bring us some sort of happiness in life? Say you get married...well I can't imagine getting married to a man that you thought wouldn't be making you "happy" by loving you...being there for you through out your lives together...building a family and so on. (Now it may not have turned out this way but in the beginning that's what you expected it to be) The decision to have children also comes in here....I had mine because I was very much in love with my husband at that time and desired children....they brought me "happiness" in my life. Being married did also.
If I take a vacation that brings me happiness. Buying a new piece of jewelry brings me happiness too...maybe it doesn't last very long like relationships with people do but still I do it for a sense of enjoyment/pleasure.
Hope I am making sense here....so my confusion comes in when I hear others say you must only look to yourself to be happy or you make yourself happy and so on and so forth....how can that be true? Nobody is totally idependent...if they are single they will have close friendships or a career that gives the much pleasure. Perhaps their animals bring them happiness or volunteer work helping others in need.
Why even live life at all if you don't look to others or "things" ever for happiness in your life is what I am getting at? when I see people say this in posts I think I just don't understand what they are saying...cause most are married with families and careers and so on....they obvisiouly are depending on things/others to derive happiness in life from or they'd be a hermit living alone isolated in the woods somewhere with no phone or tv and never buying anything or talking to anyone...cause they would be "happy" all by themselves.
I admit I don't get what people mean by posting that....I get when a woman says "I don't need a man to be happy" I get that....my MIL is like that...divorced never dated or remarried...has a good job she loves and friends and family....just doesn't want a man/marriage relationship...fine...makes sense but she does depend on "others" for happiness.
So what am I missing here....?
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