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Valued Contributor
Posts: 949
Registered: ‎11-02-2015

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.


@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:

My sister is a wonderful woman, and we get along 98% of the time, but she thinks it is her job to run everyone's life.

 

She has a long list of very serious health issues and she couldn't get off the couch on Easter.  Both her daughters, ages 42 and 43,  were there and they made dinner.  Nothing fancy, chicken (DS can't have any protein from any animal with 4 feet. No beef, pork or lamb), scalloped potatoes, salad, another veg, and rolls.

 

My sister told me of was the first holiday, ever, that she wasn't in the kitchen to.......direct. Huh!  It was not the allied forces storming Normandy. 2 intelligent woman can handle dinner and clean up. She constantly tells her kids what they should be doing. They say things to me about her bossiness. Don't tell me, tell her.

 

She got mad at her youngest last week because her DD had the nerve to not let her drive. She can barely get to the car and has to be in a wheelchair at her destinations.  Her DH won't let her drive and he was out so she browbeat her daughter to let her behind the wheel.

 

I ignore her, or give her "the look",  when she tries to boss me.

 

Do you have a control freak in your life and how do you handle it?


@Retired Legal Secretary    Unfortunately yes.  She always "ran the show" but decided to move away from family 10 years ago after parents passed away....I felt bad for awhile but realized that we all have choices in life...and have to live with those choices.  I don't miss the drama. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 618
Registered: ‎10-23-2011

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

@momtodogs  Very similar situation with my "sister."  Never a kind word, never letting anyone else participate in planning family events, she had to "run the show." Rude, obnoxious, always critical.

 

After my beloved mother passed away, I decided life was too short to be under that type of stress every time she reached out to me to "complain" about something/someone.  

 

I, therefore, severed with her by email (very short and sweet with no recriminations, just resolve, wishing her the best).  Her daughter severed with her, as well, and I am in touch with my niece.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 803
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

Your sister sounds like the bossy middle child.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,218
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

@pdlinda I am also in contact with my sister's daugher, my niece...she always says we were adopted as we are totally different than others in the family...I feel really bad for her, as she has health issues and could really use a mom. I do my best to help her and I know she appreciate it and thank goodness she has a fabulous husband.

 

Honestly, I find life a bit lonely...no family for the holiday, no sister stuff to do, I don't feel any close connection with any family.

 

I have a couple good friends and we are all like family and for that I am very grateful but at times do feel like I am on the inside looking out.  As I have gotten older, I 'feel'  it more and more.  My husband's family is all gone except for a couple of nieces, we see each other on occasion.

 

....pity party is over, lol.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,291
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

Just about every family member is all.

 

I think if you're the decent, dependable, I'll go out of my way for you person they set their sights on you.

 

I finally just moved away.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 618
Registered: ‎10-23-2011

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

@momtodogs   Similarly, my niece has very serious chronic health problems and she needs the support I give her on an ongoing basis.  

 

On the whole, I feel blessed to have removed a real source of aggravation from my life that I've vowed never to rekindle.  I feel liberated from the phony "acceptance" of "differences" (that often couch continuing toxic relationships) and believe my peace of mind and serenity far outweigh any obligatory family functions that I formerly attended.

 

I have a strong faith and believe my resolve and commitment to health and happiness will benefit everyone in the end.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,238
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

Yes!  I try to keep my trap shut because it does no good to argue or point out what the person is doing.  You get no resolution and only upsets you.  I try to stay out of the way or be absent as much as possible.  

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,194
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

I think I would have to remind her how lucky she is to have people around who care about her and willing to do things for her. Many do not have that. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,575
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

I am POA and take care of my disabled younger sister. I also take care of my 90 yr old dad. I figure it's my calling at this time in my life.

 

My sister had a massive stroke at age 53. In many ways, she functions at her current age, 64, but in other ways she functions like a 9 year old, She has little to no self control, an "I want it now!" attitude, and lots of demands. She lives with my parents, now just Dad, and they never said no to her after the stroke. And I mean never. I was making myself sick trying to keep up. I finally stopped jumping every time she said jump. Life is a lot less stressful now that I started saying 'no' sometimes and set boundaries. Now she thinks I'm the control freak. 

 

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,960
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Dealing With A Control Freak.

[ Edited ]

@AngelPuppy1 wrote:

Yes!  I try to keep my trap shut because it does no good to argue or point out what the person is doing.  You get no resolution and only upsets you.  I try to stay out of the way or be absent as much as possible.  


@AngelPuppy1   I think you are wise not to argue with a "control freak". Those two words can mean different things to different people.  If it is people they are trying to control that is probably the biggest sign of a true narcissist and, I agree with you, arguing with them only makes them worse. 

 

The only thing I disagree with is calling someone like that, wonderful.  While we can still love them and see some positives in their lives, controllers reap a lot of hurt and havoc on those who live with them, work with them, or just have to be around them for one reason or another.   Adding that much pain to others lives is not wonderful so I cannot see your sister as a wonderful person.  She is your sister and I understand that you love her but when you consider how much damage, hurt, and chaos she causes in the family, that, to me, is a very  troubled person. 

 

 So many of these  control freaks are blind to how much damage they inflict but, after all.....they are always "right" so why should they change?   From their point of view....everyone else needs to do the changing!.  Not only you, but anyone they come into contact with!  I have seen some of these people change but sadly, the majority do not.   Nobody.... but nobody..... has the right to  exert that kind of control over another person. I really feel sorry for her kids.