Community Chat

[chrystaltree]

You did well by her, you paid for college and all the necessary things. A big wedding is a luxury, if she wants one, let her work and save and pay for it herself. Let her know soon, be honest with her. Give her your blessings, your love and that $2000 and perhaps pay for her wedding gown and stick to your guns.

[Snowpuppy]

On 4/20/2014 tashy said:

She is talking about a destination wedding, since my husband and I want to go on a trip, this will work for us. I know it is not about us,but no pressure, we Just show up. Has anyone here done this or heard of this.

Congrats to DD and may they have a long and loving life together!!

A few young girls I work with chose a destination wedding. Everything from Vegas to the Caribbean. Usually only parents and a few close friends fly in to attend.

The nice thing is the couple gets to enjoy a long weekend as a honeymoon in a destination of their choosing. Marrying in a destination outside of the US can get tricky so best to check far in advance as to the rules of that nation.

The girls all had receptions when they got home and invited extended family and friends. Everything from cozy at home, in the back yard of the parents to a hall with music and open bar.

I don't think 150 people will be flying out to the destination wedding!

[Starlight1_1]

I would pay for my own wedding if I wanted it my way. Tell her you have a budget.

[heartkeeper]

On 4/19/2014 tashy said:

thanks for the responses, we went out for breakfast and shopping today. She made it clear to her fiance her parents are not paying one penny, if he wants a big wedding or have all these people he is going to pay for it. He is worrying about hurting people feeling, my daughter does not.(she takes after me).I told her they will understand if he explain it to them in a nice way if not, oh well. I think she is being smart,realizing this is going to expensive. she said he is going to have to come to this realization himself. In the meantime she is going to concentrate on her job. She had me worried for a minute.

Why did you get so bent out of shape when your daughter did not even ask you to pay for her wedding? You just made this assumption and came here to vent about it. Why?

[CouponQueen]

I am in the minority here. I think you should pay for some of the wedding..it is your daughter and paying for degrees was great but was she told at any time - in lieu of a wedding we will pay for your degrees?

You said you are financially able to help - I would offer a limited dollar amount for your contribution for the wedding..$5,000...but even small weddings have some cost. I would think since it is your daughter and you are financially able as you say - you should step up a bit..

I do feel a bit sorry for them..that she got engaged and that was overshadowed with "I don't want to pay for the wedding.."..

Are you obligated..absolutely not..

[Hayfield]

You and your husband are not obigated to pay for a wedding. My DH & I have a son and a daughter and I always feel that I treated them "fairly" not "equally" because they are different people with different needs at different times. We paid for both of their educations and "helped" them with other things along the way, like you have done. We did what we could, when we could and within our financial means. When and if either of them marry, DH and I will offer them a certain amount of money, what we can afford. If they want a wedding, they can use the money we give them towards that wedding, if they want to elope and use the money for towards a honeymoon or the down payment to pay a house that's fine too. I can't give them what I don't have and if the amount of money I offer them at the time doesn't cover what they want, well, that's not my problem. My DH is going to retire in two years and our income will be less and at this stage in my life I'm not going into debt and borrow money for them to have a wedding. You just have to sit down with your daughter and let her know your thoughts about it. I'm sure she'll understand. It's very hard today when some couples are having "over the top" weddings. Even a simple affair can cost a lot, depending on what part of the country you live in. Good Luck!

[lulu2]

You are under no obligation to pay for her wedding. It seems you have paid for too much already.

Sit her down and ask about her wedding plans. If she and her husband-to-be want a big wedding, let them know NOW, they will be paying for it.

[ROMARY]

I like the cake and coffee and a glass of champagne idea. Maybe out in a park setting. Or a friend's back yard. Lots of community parks with nice bathrooms, etc. near nice wedding settings. Could be small and intimate or a bit larger. Just a get together and a toast, and then everybody goes home. Short and sweet. Maybe everyone receives a nice favor for remembrance. I've attended a few in the past years, and I like the park setting, near clean bathrooms, the best. Guests could meander 'here and there' around the grounds, etc. Take photos, etc. Very relaxing.

[Demitra1]

My only daughter (in her 30s) is now planning a huge expensive wedding. The $$$ amount makes me ill, but other than a token amount from me and a little larger token from her dad, they are paying for all of it. The groom has a huge family, thus the decision to have the big event. They both have great jobs, but I've lived long enough to know the future is uncertain, so I wish they were saving all this money instead. But, they are not teenagers...far from it, so I will go and try to enjoy.