Community Chat

[tashy]

thanks for the responses, we went out for breakfast and shopping today. She made it clear to her fiance her parents are not paying one penny, if he wants a big wedding or have all these people he is going to pay for it. He is worrying about hurting people feeling, my daughter does not.(she takes after me).I told her they will understand if he explain it to them in a nice way if not, oh well. I think she is being smart,realizing this is going to expensive. she said he is going to have to come to this realization himself. In the meantime she is going to concentrate on her job. She had me worried for a minute.

[violann]

So glad you had a productive conversation.

[KaeKae]

Congratulations on your daughter's engagement! And, just as importantly, on successfully raising and intelligent young woman, with good sense to boot.

Hopefully your future son-in-law will start to realize just what a large, fancy wedding entails, both financially and emotionally. Then, he and your daughter can create their wedding plan, whether that means traditional but small and tasteful or court house or destination or back yard..there are many options... He also should find a way to politely explain their plans for a "small, intimate wedding." Say it just right, and people will be nodding their heads and clapping him on the back in agreement.

[ROMARY]

Many years ago, I attended a few 'very wealthy people's' weddings in a very exclusive neighborhood 'rustic' clubhouse..........guess what! All of those combination weddings/receptions offered cake and coffee, and a (one) toast of champagne. A few fold-up chairs seating all around. I don't recall the exact time(s), but it was daylight, so I'm thinking about three-ish o'clock. Sometimes, even millionaires have very quiet, small weddings/receptions. Just sayin'........... And, personally, I enjoy attending these type of weddings, too. A few flowers on an arbor, cake, coffee, a toast, small talk with guests. Very nice , pleasant afternoon. Very un-stressful, IMO

[ROMARY]

p.s. I'm not a fan of long, drawn-out weddings............too many hours. Also, don't like driving (even as a passenger) at late night, so I usually decline late evening weddings. 4 or 5pm is usually the latest I'll attend, and then I'll 'slither out' before dark.....(LOL.......)

[goodstuff]

My goodness. Now is the time to sit down with your daughter and her fiancé and give them the straight scoop on what you can and can't do for their wedding. Decide what you can afford to spend; make it clear you must stick with it, and let them take it from there. There are many creative ways to have a lovely wedding on a small budget, and the happy couple can cover extra costs if they want more. You and your husband have no obligation to extend yourself beyond what is financially reasonable to meet your daughter's demands. It sounds like you have already made generous contributions to her future. Set clear wedding limits and make them stick.

If she finds out her beloved is more interested in impressing other people or meeting others' expectations than in honoring realistic budgetary limitations............maybe it's better she learns that now, before the wedding!

[toodles11]

Good for her for not letting what others might think pressure her into what she can't afford.

[Zoologist_1]

My son became engaged 2 wks ago to a very lovely young lady who has a HUGE family. The couple came here today to visit. She said she wants just 40 or so guests from her side at the wedding (tiny number compared to number of relatives, friends, etc.) but will invite LOTS to the reception. I've only one time been invited to a reception where I did not get invited to the wedding that was immediately prior to that reception and didn't like it one bit. I felt it was horribly rude, but that's my son and his fiance's wish, so I'll stay mum.

IMHO, there's no additional COST to having more folks at a wedding - it's the reception that can run into money, unless you scale it down to less expensive/quantity of food.

I've already told my son he'll get $1,000 from me, period. I'm a 60-y/o retired widow with a 15-y/o son still at home, so no way can I squeeze out more $ than that. And my son is thrilled with the $1,000. He and I are going 50:50 on his private college since it's over $35,000/year out of our combined pockets when all related costs are added in. We both have paid cash, no loans. He has one more year after this one.

[pommom]

The best wedding I have attended was very casual. It was in the home of the bride and only close relatives & friends were invited. The ceremony was short and quite touching. The reception was in the back yard. The menu was simple finger foods, beverages, etc.

It was a come-and-go so you felt completely comfortable lingering as long as you wished or leaving whenever you were ready.

The weather was lovely. The backyard was not anything out of the ordinary but ample enough to accommodate her guests. About an hour after the ceremony more friends & co-workers showed up.

I did not sense any stress from the wedding party. They were there to celebrate. This was a great way to spend a lovely spring evening.

[tashy]

She is talking about a destination wedding, since my husband and I want to go on a trip, this will work for us. I know it is not about us,but no pressure, we Just show up. Has anyone here done this or heard of this.