Controlling men? - Page 3

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

I suppose it's sometimes a personality disorder, but sometimes it's how a person was raised. If a man has a dominant controlling father and a passive subservient mother, that is all the child ever sees and that is how he learns to behave. That is how is was in my family. Both my brothers are very controlling because that's all they learned. My mother had very little use for me as long as she had her sons. My dad treated me as one of the boys which is why I believe I have such a strong personality and control issues. Not out of insecurity, but it is all I ever knew. In retrospect I see my mother having control by her narcissism and manipulation of us. You would never know that by outward behavior as those who only know her superficially saw her as a traditional "little woman". DH has played a major role in showing me that it's ok not to be in control all the time. He is a saint LOL!

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

Another new name Sue · ‎03-11-2010

I've wondered if controlling people are often only children or children raised as the center of the universe. Everything has to be their way. Maybe not....

CatsyCline · ‎07-24-2013

manipulation is another one. guilt trips. controllers are quite deft at these

there is a LOT of support out there these days, internet, counseling. there is no reason a young woman should stick with a controller. sorry to say, men don't change. they may gain insight with counseling, but they rarely change.

i would also say the controlling in the workplace is different from an intimate relationship - its the intimacy and threat of loss thing that makes the controller feel he/she can "own" the partner. ownership is not love!

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@Another new name Sue wrote:
I've wondered if controlling people are often only children or children raised as the center of the universe. Everything has to be their way. Maybe not....

My DH's mother had 4 misscarriages/stillborns before she had my husband, and he was a preemie. He was an only child and I do think he was just so extremely spoiled that is why he is as he is today.

I can't speak for any other controlling people but those are the facts in his case.

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

I don't know what makes some men like that. Probably the same thing that makes women take it. I don't need a man controlling my life. I would never put up with that. If DH was like that he would find his stuff in the front yard. LOL!!!

Another new name Sue · ‎03-11-2010

Well, aren't there any controlling women?

Also, maybe some spouses need controlling, like for overspending or other irresponsible behavior.

Not arguing with anyone, just sharing some thoughts.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I don't know, I don't care. What difference does it make? I'm much more interested in teaching women and even young girls how to recognize the signs and how extricate themselves from such dysfunctional men. I also think women and girls should be taught to be to and to remain financially independent. Leaving a bad marriage or relationship is easier to do when you dont depend on your abuser to put food on your table or gas in your car. As for your grandson, if you have a good relationship with him and if your think he is a good person who isn't aware of this tendency, you might suggest that he see a therapist.

CatsyCline · ‎07-24-2013

@Another new name Sue wrote:
I've wondered if controlling people are often only children or children raised as the center of the universe. Everything has to be their way. Maybe not....

my ex was one of 9 kids. he fell smack in the middle of the pack.

in his case it was lack of nurturing, a mother who was kind but passive and an abusive father with mental health issues. some of the kids blended into the woodwork and the others became loud, mean and bossy

i knew nothing of this dynamic until it was too late!!!

brii · ‎06-20-2010

People who are controlling think they're smarter than everybody else sometimes too. They feel the need to feel superior.

It's emotional abuse.

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

From experiences of my own and in my extended family, I agree with @LovesRoses.

No is an aphrodisiac to a certain type of person, and they can stalk and harass long after "no" has been said. That's been my experience.

As to why a person is of that type--the two instances I can think of were abused as small children and lacked some kind of radar for _hearing_ a "No" or any account of themselves as controlling. To them, their behavior was normal because it was what had happened to them earlier in life.