Re: Controlling men?

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

If you can't get through to him, talk to her.

If she verbalizes to you that he's a control freak, tell her (right in front of him!) she needs to end it with him.

First, I should say, it's so good that you see this and don't 'let it go', because he's your grandson.

Many parents (grandparents) would turn a blind eye to this type of behavior.

I'm wondering if the girls parents are aware of this? She may be hiding it from them in the case of them ending it.

A parent's job is to watch for this type of behavior. It's so important to know what's going on with your kid's lives.

It's not being nosey, it's caring!

italia8140 · ‎10-24-2015

@151949 wrote:
You run across people like this in every aspect of life - at work, on committees , socially - everywhere.You have to be able to stand up for yourself. They aren't just spousal situations and they aren't just men.

Being married to a controller like you are is TOTALLY different from what you described.

MarieIG · ‎03-10-2010

I would talk to your grandson's parents, I doubt he would listen to his grandmother as to how to treat his girlfriend. His father would probably have the most influence over him.

Do the math.

RainCityWoman · ‎06-16-2015

I don't know about controlling men and what causes them to be that way. My grandfather was a controlling man, but of his four marriages, none of them were lasting. His first wife left him for another man after four children. My grandmother was 20 years younger than him, and she put up with his controlling ways until he broke his word to their daughter regarding college. Despite the era Grandma grew up in, she left him, got a job, moved her son and daughter to the college town where her daughter would be attending, and didn't look back. She never married again...had no desire to. Grandpa on the other hand married two more times after that. What I am most proud of is that my grandma with only a limited education but many talents walked out on the so called "security" of marriage instead of putting up with it any longer. Eventually she even owned her own business. However, true to her spirit, when her son needed her to help with his 6 month old baby when his wife had a breakdown, Grandma left her business, moved to another state, and helped raise that child the rest of her life. My biggest question is not what causes men to be controlling. It's more what causes women to stay with those kind of men.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

When I was 19 I went out with a coworkers brother because she was so nice and she thought we'd get along. This guy was controlling and would not take no for an answer, I had to quit my job and lie about relocating to another town to get out of the relationship. I never saw his sister or this guy again thank goodness.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@mima wrote:
@tedEbear wrote:
How old is your Grandson?, the Girlfriend? Have there been tendencies for the 2 to wrestle around, a little punch there? If they are teens and 20s tell them knock it off, it does lead to physical violence. If older then taking him aside and speaking to him about could help. It could also be the GF doing the control bit. I was very lucky as my Dh has never tried to be controling and only treats me as a precious person. My 2 Sons only saw love from both sides. However the DsIL have very pushy attitudes towards both sons. Maybe seeing loving parents wasn't the best thing for them. 1 of their told me my son MsIL was a ******. A gentle soul.
So maybe watch closer and input some wise Grandma advice.-------tedEbear

She's 15 and he's 17. I don't know about anything physical (abuse wise) going on, but she has to text him between every class (his rule). She wanted to spend the weekend with a girlfriend and he told her she shouldn't want to spend one weekend with her girlfriend because they only have twenty some weekends left til school is out and they should be spent with him. He stated exactly how many weekends they had left. She is complaining about him being controlling.

It doesn't sound like much (yet) but I'm sure it will get worse if she puts up with it.

I am concerned, but I doubt he'll listen to grandma. You know, we don't know much (in their eyes) when it comes to relationships/romance. LOL

If women stay with controlling men, does that mean they LIKE it? I've seen instances where I think that. I don't in any way shape or form understand staying with someone who is controlling, but I see women do it and seemingly are happy. WELL, maybe not like it, but need it, or it makes them feel loved and needed or something like that? Maybe they feel more important. I don't know.

justmyopinion · ‎11-23-2015

The poor girl needs to run as fast as she can away from him.

It doesn't matter right now what created his controlling behavior.

She is a victim of his control and somebody needs to talk to him.

Preferably his parents, and her parents should be called to alert them of this

behavior. Otherwise, it could intensify to something more serious.

Major red flag when she has to text him between classes.

I would NEVER allow that if I was the girl's parents.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

The problem , as I see it , is that she is willing to let him control her to this degree. She needs to say no and mean it when he does things like telling her to text him between each class. You can live and be happily married to a controlling man but you have to be strong enough to not allow him to control you. My DH would love to have a say in every breath I take - but he knows by now that isn't going to happen.I just don't allow it. if he told me text me between each of your classes I would tell him I can't - I'm busy between classes. I'll text you when i have time.

fourpaws56 · ‎03-04-2015

controlling men need neutered.......

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

If the girlfriend is complaining about this boy being controlling, I don't expect the relationship to last. When my daughters were that age, they were well aware of the boys in their school who were known as abusive, or controlling, thanks to the girls who had previously dated those boys.