Community Chat

[missy1]

On 5/22/2014 Lila Belle said:

Just wondering...can anyone cite the "cost per plate" rule by any etiquette expert ?

I think it's a regional thing, east coast/NJ.

[Photo Donna]

On 5/22/2014 Burnsite said:

This thread shows more reasons than ever to opt out of the Big Wedding Production. It isn't done in my immediate family.

The divorce rate is over 50%. What is it with families who book huge venues for stale wedding food (sorry, I have never had good food at a catered event--it's always old and cold)?

An intern the family knows slightly? My goodness.

There is no obligation here at all unless the invitation is accepted. Then something is in order. And if it is a burgeoning friendship, of course the figures mentioned by the OP are reasonable and and she says, "not far apart."

But I can say that I have had former interns invite me to their weddings, and I just say "no" (and give them a smaller gift) because I don't really believe in all the wedding hype.

As Jane Austen says in _Mansfield Park_, from these customs one would think "there was never such a thing as an unhappy marriage."

I totally agree with all you wrote -- and the bolded part just jumps out. Who has ever had a great meal at one of those cattle call type dinners????

It is all so much hype.

[Luv2Decorate]

On 5/23/2014 Photo Donna said:

On 5/22/2014 Burnsite said:

This thread shows more reasons than ever to opt out of the Big Wedding Production. It isn't done in my immediate family.

The divorce rate is over 50%. What is it with families who book huge venues for stale wedding food (sorry, I have never had good food at a catered event--it's always old and cold)?

An intern the family knows slightly? My goodness.

There is no obligation here at all unless the invitation is accepted. Then something is in order. And if it is a burgeoning friendship, of course the figures mentioned by the OP are reasonable and and she says, "not far apart."

But I can say that I have had former interns invite me to their weddings, and I just say "no" (and give them a smaller gift) because I don't really believe in all the wedding hype.

As Jane Austen says in _Mansfield Park_, from these customs one would think "there was never such a thing as an unhappy marriage."

I totally agree with all you wrote -- and the bolded part just jumps out. Who has ever had a great meal at one of those cattle call type dinners????

It is all so much hype.

What is a cattle call type of dinner? Do you mean Buffet? I don't like buffets...

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with a buffet. It's always been served.

Weddings are a celebration, not hype. I've only had one wedding that I knew wouldn't last and I refused to go. I was right, she cheated and divorced, got married to that guy, cheated, got divorced, married that guy. I didn't attend any of the weddings.

[Photo Donna]

On 5/23/2014 Luv2Decorate said:

On 5/23/2014 Photo Donna said:

On 5/22/2014 Burnsite said:

This thread shows more reasons than ever to opt out of the Big Wedding Production. It isn't done in my immediate family.

The divorce rate is over 50%. What is it with families who book huge venues for stale wedding food (sorry, I have never had good food at a catered event--it's always old and cold)?

An intern the family knows slightly? My goodness.

There is no obligation here at all unless the invitation is accepted. Then something is in order. And if it is a burgeoning friendship, of course the figures mentioned by the OP are reasonable and and she says, "not far apart."

But I can say that I have had former interns invite me to their weddings, and I just say "no" (and give them a smaller gift) because I don't really believe in all the wedding hype.

As Jane Austen says in _Mansfield Park_, from these customs one would think "there was never such a thing as an unhappy marriage."

I totally agree with all you wrote -- and the bolded part just jumps out. Who has ever had a great meal at one of those cattle call type dinners????

It is all so much hype.

What is a cattle call type of dinner? Do you mean Buffet? I don't like buffets...

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with a buffet. It's always been served.

Weddings are a celebration, not hype. I've only had one wedding that I knew wouldn't last and I refused to go. I was right, she cheated and divorced, got married to that guy, cheated, got divorced, married that guy. I didn't attend any of the weddings.

When you are feeding a sit-down type dinner to a crowd (that is what I call a cattle call dinner) the food is mediocre at best.

What I am seeing is a trend of people throwing weddings that they cannot afford and expecting large cash gifts -- and really do we think they will all stay married until death do they part? My husband and I were talking just last night and trying to think of who among our friends are still married to their first partner -- not many.

Weddings should be a celebration -- but more and more it looks like a show.

[Emma bunting]

We had 150 people at our wedding.......and the food was not "mediocre at best". It was superb. These kinds of blanket statements just make me shake my head sometimes. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, but I don't believe most people have weddings just to get large cash gifts. I think they have them to celebrate the most important day in their life with friends and family. Do some get carried away and spend more than they can afford? Absolutely! Do some lavish weddings later end in divorce? Of course. But it doesn't mean the couple wasn't hopeful and genuine when they walked down the aisle. Jeesh! Too many cynics around here!

[Lipstickdiva]

My relative got married last year and his reception was at a country club. It was a sit down dinner and the food was fantastic. Most of the weddings I have been to had buffet type food and this is usually pretty mediocre.

Just because one has a very lavish wedding doesn't mean they cannot afford it either. His was the most lavish I had been to but no one went into debt for it. The bride's parents paid for a portion, the groom's mom paid for a portion and the groom himself paid for a portion of it. Just because you have a cheap wedding doesn't mean it won't end in divorce either.

There are a lot of things done with weddings that I think are ridiculous but I'm not the one paying so it's not really my concern.

[Lipstickdiva]

On 5/22/2014 birddrops said:

On 5/22/2014 LipstickDiva said:

On 5/22/2014 circles said:

On 5/21/2014 birddrops said:

I would say $200.00. OMG $50.00 is really cheap these days!

totally agree....I would never give such a cheap gift...

And I would never be so rude as to tell someone their gift was cheap.

I don't recall telling someone their gift was cheap. To me these days, $50.00 is really cheap.

You're splitting hairs here. You claim not to be telling someone their gift was cheap but at least twice now you've posted that $50.00 is really cheap. Same difference.

[Photo Donna]

On 5/23/2014 LipstickDiva said:

My relative got married last year and his reception was at a country club. It was a sit down dinner and the food was fantastic. Most of the weddings I have been to had buffet type food and this is usually pretty mediocre.

Just because one has a very lavish wedding doesn't mean they cannot afford it either. His was the most lavish I had been to but no one went into debt for it. The bride's parents paid for a portion, the groom's mom paid for a portion and the groom himself paid for a portion of it. Just because you have a cheap wedding doesn't mean it won't end in divorce either.

There are a lot of things done with weddings that I think are ridiculous but I'm not the one paying so it's not really my concern.

I know some who go big can afford it. A friend recently had two kids married within months -- they paid (a lot) but they can easily afford it. One of the receptions was held at the Swan Coach House in Atlanta (where Phaedra had some party on RHOA and it was used in the last Hunger Games movie). The other wedding was at Fernbank -- (Cynthia had her wedding here on RHOA).

Others we know have kids with huge college loans, etc. and yet you would think it was a royal wedding or something. There is pressure on people to go big.

People can do what the want -- obviously, but it is silly to be so big with it -- and then to expect bigtime gifts.

We went to one in an old barn with a wonderful buffet catered by a local African American church -- fried chicken and all the sides. Not a big crowd -- but an awesome time and great fun. I think it was the best wedding we have attended.

[magicmoodz]

I have never heard a lovely sit-down dinner at a country club called a "cattle call". I much prefer sit-down dinners. To me, the very words "cattle call" conjure up weddings where guests are herded by table to the food line and the first to be ushered through are done with their dinner by the time the last table is just ushered into line.

I have been to hundreds of weddings and can honestly say the food is more often than not superior at a sit-down dinner.

[Lipstickdiva]

On 5/23/2014 Photo Donna said:

On 5/23/2014 LipstickDiva said:

My relative got married last year and his reception was at a country club. It was a sit down dinner and the food was fantastic. Most of the weddings I have been to had buffet type food and this is usually pretty mediocre.

Just because one has a very lavish wedding doesn't mean they cannot afford it either. His was the most lavish I had been to but no one went into debt for it. The bride's parents paid for a portion, the groom's mom paid for a portion and the groom himself paid for a portion of it. Just because you have a cheap wedding doesn't mean it won't end in divorce either.

There are a lot of things done with weddings that I think are ridiculous but I'm not the one paying so it's not really my concern.

I know some who go big can afford it. A friend recently had two kids married within months -- they paid (a lot) but they can easily afford it. One of the receptions was held at the Swan Coach House in Atlanta (where Phaedra had some party on RHOA and it was used in the last Hunger Games movie). The other wedding was at Fernbank -- (Cynthia had her wedding here on RHOA).

Others we know have kids with huge college loans, etc. and yet you would think it was a royal wedding or something. There is pressure on people to go big.

People can do what the want -- obviously, but it is silly to be so big with it -- and then to expect bigtime gifts.

We went to one in an old barn with a wonderful buffet catered by a local African American church -- fried chicken and all the sides. Not a big crowd -- but an awesome time and great fun. I think it was the best wedding we have attended.

I know what some people spend on weddings, I just couldn't do. I can't imagine even if I had that kind of money, that's what I would choose to do with it. And I certainly would never go into debt for a wedding.

I personally have a better time at more casual affairs than more formal events. That just isn't me. I always feel like I'm going to do something wrong. I'm just not a country club person. LOL