Community Chat

[cody2]

On 9/17/2014 occasional rain said:

On 9/17/2014 NoelSeven said:

On 9/17/2014 occasional rain said:

Last night NCIS happened to be on, it's not a show I watch so I don't know the names of the characters, and a woman punched her coworker in the stomach as she passed by. The thing is that had the male actor done the exact same thing to the woman, there would be letters of outrage.

In movies and on TV we see women throwing things at men, slapping and kicking them, and I wonder why that's seen as somehow acceptable. Why aren't they arrested and charged? Even in the Rice incident, there has been nothing condemning the woman's behavior. So why the double standard?

Why aren't they arrested? Good God. Because they're TV shows. And most are written by men.

Is someone paying you to miss the point?

I gotta give it to you girl. You are something!

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 occasional rain said:

On 9/17/2014 NoelSeven said:

On 9/17/2014 occasional rain said:

Last night NCIS happened to be on, it's not a show I watch so I don't know the names of the characters, and a woman punched her coworker in the stomach as she passed by. The thing is that had the male actor done the exact same thing to the woman, there would be letters of outrage.

In movies and on TV we see women throwing things at men, slapping and kicking them, and I wonder why that's seen as somehow acceptable. Why aren't they arrested and charged? Even in the Rice incident, there has been nothing condemning the woman's behavior. So why the double standard?

Why aren't they arrested? Good God. Because they're TV shows. And most are written by men.

Is someone paying you to miss the point?

You should be ashamed of your comments on this line, apparently you are not even able to understand why.

[cody2]

On 9/17/2014 mstyrion said:

thank you cody and noel.

I gotta tell you, I was getting upset. Your reply calmed me right down because I saw someone who GOT it. Who really GOT it. Off to bed for me. Again. Thank you.

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 mstyrion said:

thank you cody and noel.

[NC Bandwagon]

@Marp2, NoelSeven, mstyrion, and cody, thank you very much for all that knowledge. I knew about the isolation part and the gradual tearing down, but I didn't know about all those other reasons. It's the year 2014, but it sounds like it's gotten even worse over the years. The fear of retaliation from an abuser seems to be the biggest one and - sadly - some abusers actually follow through with that. The family turning on the abuse victim sounds like the worst. But I guess if family members would do that to an abused woman or man, they were probably no good to begin with. That really is a shame.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what the women here went through and thank you for the info.

[cody2]

Noel, on a good note as I trundle off to bed...GO GIANTS! At least we are making a run for it.

[moonstone dunes]

Thank you to all who responded to my post, i was able to move on...and its a crooked path to a healthy self. i did it for my son and for me. you need to be "well" in your emotional state. when you are forced down, it's a long way up.

My family is odd. Their rule was once you are out of the house, you don't come back home.

I came home once when my son was 6 months old. i was just 22. My mother said something to me that stings to this day..."you made your bed, now lie in it".

I married a controlling man, a closet abuser, emotional as well as physical. He had already been divorced. Mother was aware of red flags before I married him and never warned me. The abuse began on my wedding night. I used one towel too many at the hotel and he freaked.

I was very young, had no skills, no job and had to bide my time. His father abused all the children, I later learned. It took years. Years in my twenties, sometimes I wish could get back. But i got out, and he quickly married wife #3.

It's difficult for some women to understand. It's complicated, women bond with a mate, intimacy creates a bond (not the physical so much as sharing your life). And when there are young children and the mom is depressed and stays at home, its not an option to just walk.

There was no place to go. My mother had made clear i was on my own. I didn't share my pain with her. I called the State Police once during one of his tirades, where he sat on top of my pulling my hair, screaming. They ASKED me if I wanted them to come out. These days there would be no questions asked. This was 28 years ago. LE came and talked to us and left. Just a little "spat" the officer said.

I took my son to a friend's home and spent the weekend alone at anothers friend's apartment. Scary to be alone. This is what it might be like, living alone. Every time I called his voice roared over the phone, and I would hang up. When he finally could speak calmly I told him to get counseling. If he would not, I would leave. He did go to the classes but refused to continue a second session, at the counselors suggestion. I ultimately left anyway and built a life for my son and I.

Abuse takes various forms, not every woman gets ko'd or black eyes and broken bones. When a woman recognizes any form of aggressive emotional or physical action by a man is WRONG - NOT JUSTIFIED, she is one step closer to finding a way out. May take months or years, but to no longer stay comfortable in the denial, is a start and a commitment to make a plan for herself to get healthy and to move on. TMI i suppose, but if this can answer questions or help in any way...

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 cody said:

Noel, on a good note as I trundle off to bed...GO GIANTS! At least we are making a run for it.

Yay! Sleep we'll, Cody.

[cody2]

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

@Marp2, NoelSeven, mstyrion, and cody, thank you very much for all that knowledge. I knew about the isolation part and the gradual tearing down, but I didn't know about all those other reasons. It's the year 2014, but it sounds like it's gotten even worse over the years. The fear of retaliation from an abuser seems to be the biggest one and - sadly - some abusers actually follow through with that. The family turning on the abuse victim sounds like the worst. But I guess if family members would do that to an abused woman or man, they were probably no good to begin with. That really is a shame.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what the women here went through and thank you for the info.

NC, it is a very complex issue. If it were easy to understand...it wouldn't be happening at such an alarming rate. I hope you took my post in the manner that I meant it. We are good. Dream sweet. Off to bed for me.

[hckynut]

How many of the other gender admit to committing violence against her partner or spouse? I ain't buying the 1 in 5 on this one.