Community Chat

[Sooner]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

If it were me hosting the party, I wouldn't have a dress code.

If I got an invite that had a dress code, I wouldn't attend.

Not everybody loves getting all gussied up.

Jeans does NOT = sloppy.

Thre are plenty of jeans that look nice.

How about at the party, the o/p can dress to the nines, and just let everybody else cime in what ever they are comfortable in?

Afterall, the party is supposed to be about enjoying each other's company, and not being judged in some sort of fashion show.

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The problem therein is that some people are going to feel bad about how they are dressed.  Some will be embarrassed about being over dressed and some will feel sloppy.  Especially if they don't know everyone there well.  

I had a terrible experience once with that.  I won't go into details. . . 

[RazorSharp]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@Noel7 wrote:

We have very close friends who are Thai.  It's cultural and weaves in with religion to remove your shoes when entering their house.

They provide disposable clean and fresh slippers at the door and a basket in which to toss them on the way out.

The family are wonderful hosts and give a lot of parties, the dad and daughter are great Thai cooks.

They invite a lot of people and we are all free to bring along anyone we like, including parents.  I've only known one person to refuse to take off her shoes, she's an incredibly rude person anyway, and acts all nasty at what she sees as a presumption.  Last time I asked why she continued to attend.  I wanted to ask if it was for the free food but I didn't.

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 @Noel7

I have asked this before, in multiple other threads, but no one has ever responded with an actual answer, only a sneer of disbelief.

I cannot go barefoot not because I mind taking off my shoes (if I am informed beforehand) but because I have severe plantar fasciitis. Orthopedists and podiatrists (not just the Vionic guy) recommend that those with PF NEVER go barefoot. 

I can, after years of never, EVER going barefoot, manage to go to the loo in the wee (pun haha) hours and back to bed barefoot without pain most of the time, but am very aware (because it happens to me periodically) that going barefoot (i.e. without some sort of arch support) for 10 minutes on a "bad day" (completely randonly) can cause me disabling pain for literally *months* and leave me essentially housebound because it hurts so bad to walk.

I could simply not attend somewhere that I had to be shoeless, period. There have been people on the forums who have categorically stated that they could foresee NO exceptions/reason not to comply, and implied that anyone who said anything to the contrary was lying just to get out of having to remove their shoes.

I'm sure this comes up in those cultures where shoeless households are the norm, and I wonder how they handle it. I can't believe they would be so crass as to think that someone would lie just to not have to take off their shoes. Perhaps it's only Americans who would believe that.

Additionally, being "the" person the spotlight would be on as having to be an exception and deal with the suppositions of others would most likely cause me to decline - which would probably upset a thoughtful, kind host. So...what to do...?

I have wanted to visit the Sikh temple in San Jose for months, but hesitate to go because one must be shoeless in the sanctuary and I don't want anyone to believe I'm "just saying it." So I don't go.

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@Moonchilde I'm sorry that you have to live with that condition.  It sounds very painful and inconvenient.  I was wondering if when you know you are going to be visiting a new home you contact the homeowner and ask them if they have a no shoes policy?  I was thinking that if I were in your situation, I would contact people ahead of time, if possible,  to avoid any awkwardness at the front door.  

[on the bay]

I have that too at times but I take soft cushy slippers and could you get slippers with an arch? 

[Plaid Pants2]

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@Sooner wrote:

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

If it were me hosting the party, I wouldn't have a dress code.

If I got an invite that had a dress code, I wouldn't attend.

Not everybody loves getting all gussied up.

Jeans does NOT = sloppy.

Thre are plenty of jeans that look nice.

How about at the party, the o/p can dress to the nines, and just let everybody else cime in what ever they are comfortable in?

Afterall, the party is supposed to be about enjoying each other's company, and not being judged in some sort of fashion show.

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The problem therein is that some people are going to feel bad about how they are dressed.  Some will be embarrassed about being over dressed and some will feel sloppy.  Especially if they don't know everyone there well.  

I had a terrible experience once with that.  I won't go into details. . . 

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So, you are projecting your experience on to other people.

If everyone is having fun and a good time, then they won't worry about what they are wearing.

That's the whole point of a party, right?  To have fun?

[RazorSharp]

I see a lot of people using the word, 'formal.' I'm not sure, in terms of fashion, if that means a nice dress on a woman and a man wearing a sport coat, slacks and tie, or if it means a ball gown and tuxedo.  When I hear formal, I think of what people wear to a ball, or the Oscars, or a palace.  That would be totally weird for a house party.  

[Noel7]

Hi @RazorSharp

They provide fresh slippers, disposable, so it wouldn't be barefoot, it's that you need at least an arch, right?  That's understandable.

I'm guessing it depends on where you are going and who is in charge.  I would call ahead to ask.  Surely they have exceptions to the rule.  If not, I just wouldn't go.

But I can't imagine a friend or kind person turning anyone away.  Just a guess, but if push came to shove, I'd think they could do something like put a covering on the floor, I don't really know but I would hope there are exceptions.

DH and I used to go to the Zen temple in SF and had to take off our shoes there.  There had to have been people who couldn't.

[Noel7]

@RazorSharp

Now that I think about it, it wouldn't be a good idea for someone with diabetes to go shoeless either. 

There has to be exceptions.

However, I still wouldn't excuse the woman who used to come to the house of my friends and just refuse to take her shoes off out of spite.  I knew her well, she didn't have problems with her feet.

[Noel7]

@RazorSharp

I looked for insight for the Sikh temple, which also expects everyone to sit on the floor with no back support.  Some can sit next to a wall but they seem to discourage it, this is what they suggest:

"It is, therefore, suggested, that the people having a medical problem may be provided with a speaker in a separate room other than the Sangat hall. They may sit there with some support to overcome their medical handicap. In the Gurdwara we are supposed to be attentive and responsive as a student is supposed to be in his classroom while his teacher is teaching."

Maybe it's the same for shoes.

[Moonchilde]

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@on the bay wrote:

I have that too at times but I take soft cushy slippers and could you get slippers with an arch? 

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Yes.

But to hear some people tell it, as has been expressed in the past on these forums - it *has* to be a sock, or a foot covering *they approve of* - you can't just provide your own solution - and they would need to examine the footwear to make sure it has never been worn outside, ever and would be what they had in mind."  

So I would have to purchase Vionics, say, at $70/pr for slippers (since slippers with a good arch aren't found everywhere), and keep them in a box in the closet to be sure they were never worn anywhere except this person's house. Yes, people have been that obnoxious in these discussions in the past. For some, dirt-phobias and fear of other people's perceived filth trump all. Seen it here.

[on the bay]

Another  shoe idea and I think Noel mentioned this-give people those disposable foot covers to put on. A lot of people do that with workers coming into the house.