BEST day ever - Page 5

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:
@NicksmomESQ wrote:

Life is too short.Why not get along!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone should tell that to my daughter-in-law. Two years ago we had a major disagreement; I apologized and was ready to let it be "water under the bridge" but as a result she wouldn't let me see my granddaughter for a year; and my son went along with it.

@GoneButNotForgotten That explains a lot but doesn't negate your son's responsibility to his family.

@GoneButNotForgotten

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@Anonymous032819 wrote:
@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:
@NicksmomESQ wrote:

Life is too short.Why not get along!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone should tell that to my daughter-in-law. Two years ago we had a major disagreement; I apologized and was ready to let it be "water under the bridge" but as a result she wouldn't let me see my granddaughter for a year; and my son went along with it.

Ahhhhh!

There's the crux.

He put his wife and daughter first, when you are use to being in the #1 position.

Unless there were some pretty extreme circumstances, it isn't a matter of him putting anyone first, it's a matter of him needing to provide a voice of reason and having failed to do so. Again, unless there was something serious going on, it wasn't right for the wife to deny access to the kid and it certainly wasn't right for the son not to insist on a little reason being employed. Again though, none of us knows the reality of the cirumstances here, so it all becomes theoretical.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

NicksmomESQ · ‎08-19-2014

@decaf wrote:

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
@stevieb I totally agree with you. Everyone is responsible for working on the relationship.Everyone plays a part. From day one I accepted & loved my DIL & she respected & loved me. There is no competition between us. We have different roles in my son's life.My DIL has even told me that her coworkers are surprised that she speaks so well of me because apparently their MIL's give them a hard time."You reap what you sow",period.
Life is too short.Why not get along!!

@NicksmomESQ Your son and DIL are very lucky to have you in their lives. If every mother had your philosophy there would be no MIL jokes.

@decaf Thank you!! But you know it's not like things are perfect. We all make mistakes.It's how we choose to deal with them that's important.
A few months ago my DIL said something to DH & myself that we didn't care for. We never responded & let it go.The next day she called & apologized. We told her that it was already forgotten.

A few days later my son called us from work. He said he was upset with his wife for what she said. When they got home that evening he had a talk with her.She understood that she made a mistake & thanked my son for bringing it to her attention.
I thanked my son for standing up for us. I told him that I don't ever want him to argue with his wife over us. He said they didn't argue. And that she was upset because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt our feelings. I told him that nobody's perfect & we love her more for apologizing.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
@decaf wrote:

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
@stevieb I totally agree with you. Everyone is responsible for working on the relationship.Everyone plays a part. From day one I accepted & loved my DIL & she respected & loved me. There is no competition between us. We have different roles in my son's life.My DIL has even told me that her coworkers are surprised that she speaks so well of me because apparently their MIL's give them a hard time."You reap what you sow",period.
Life is too short.Why not get along!!

@NicksmomESQ Your son and DIL are very lucky to have you in their lives. If every mother had your philosophy there would be no MIL jokes.

@decaf Thank you!! But you know it's not like things are perfect. We all make mistakes.It's how we choose to deal with them that's important.
A few months ago my DIL said something to DH & myself that we didn't care for. We never responded & let it go.The next day she called & apologized. We told her that it was already forgotten.
A few days later my son called us from work. He said he was upset with his wife for what she said. When they got home that evening he had a talk with her.She understood that she made a mistake & thanked my son for bringing it to her attention.
I thanked my son for standing up for us. I told him that I don't ever want him to argue with his wife over us. He said they didn't argue. And that she was upset because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt our feelings. I told him that nobody's perfect & we love her more for apologizing.

@NicksmomESQ Precisely! We can either improve upon our mistakes or compound our errors. One is productive, the other just digs a deeper hole and eventually there's no chance for reconciliation much less for building a solid relationship.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@stevieb wrote:
@Anonymous032819 wrote:
@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:
@NicksmomESQ wrote:

Life is too short.Why not get along!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone should tell that to my daughter-in-law. Two years ago we had a major disagreement; I apologized and was ready to let it be "water under the bridge" but as a result she wouldn't let me see my granddaughter for a year; and my son went along with it.

Ahhhhh!

There's the crux.

He put his wife and daughter first, when you are use to being in the #1 position.

Unless there were some pretty extreme circumstances, it isn't a matter of him putting anyone first, it's a matter of him needing to provide a voice of reason and having failed to do so. Again, unless there was something serious going on, it wasn't right for the wife to deny access to the kid and it certainly wasn't right for the son not to insist on a little reason being employed. Again though, none of us knows the reality of the cirumstances here, so it all becomes theoretical.

@stevieb

It also depends on what the heated argument was about.

If, for example, the mother criticized my spouse, my parenting style, or my kid, you bet your sweet ..... bippy you lost all privileges of seeing the grandchild.

Often in anger, the truth of how we really feel comes out.

To apologize is fine, but sometimes saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't magicly make hurt feelings vanish.

The dye has been cast, the bell rung, and words that can't be taken back.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

decaf · ‎05-13-2021

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
@decaf wrote:

@NicksmomESQ wrote:
@stevieb I totally agree with you. Everyone is responsible for working on the relationship.Everyone plays a part. From day one I accepted & loved my DIL & she respected & loved me. There is no competition between us. We have different roles in my son's life.My DIL has even told me that her coworkers are surprised that she speaks so well of me because apparently their MIL's give them a hard time."You reap what you sow",period.
Life is too short.Why not get along!!

@NicksmomESQ Your son and DIL are very lucky to have you in their lives. If every mother had your philosophy there would be no MIL jokes.

@decaf Thank you!! But you know it's not like things are perfect. We all make mistakes.It's how we choose to deal with them that's important.
A few months ago my DIL said something to DH & myself that we didn't care for. We never responded & let it go.The next day she called & apologized. We told her that it was already forgotten.
A few days later my son called us from work. He said he was upset with his wife for what she said. When they got home that evening he had a talk with her.She understood that she made a mistake & thanked my son for bringing it to her attention.
I thanked my son for standing up for us. I told him that I don't ever want him to argue with his wife over us. He said they didn't argue. And that she was upset because the last thing she wanted to do was hurt our feelings. I told him that nobody's perfect & we love her more for apologizing.

@NicksmomESQ What your family has is excellent communication and empathy for each other. Honestly, if every family was like yours, therapists would be out of business. I really think the OP should ask her son and DIL if they would consider some family counselling sessions. JMHO

decaf · ‎05-13-2021

@Anonymous032819 Right, but we don't know what really happened between her and DIL.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@Anonymous032819 wrote:

@stevieb wrote:
@Anonymous032819 wrote:
@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:
@NicksmomESQ wrote:

Life is too short.Why not get along!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone should tell that to my daughter-in-law. Two years ago we had a major disagreement; I apologized and was ready to let it be "water under the bridge" but as a result she wouldn't let me see my granddaughter for a year; and my son went along with it.

Ahhhhh!

There's the crux.

He put his wife and daughter first, when you are use to being in the #1 position.

Unless there were some pretty extreme circumstances, it isn't a matter of him putting anyone first, it's a matter of him needing to provide a voice of reason and having failed to do so. Again, unless there was something serious going on, it wasn't right for the wife to deny access to the kid and it certainly wasn't right for the son not to insist on a little reason being employed. Again though, none of us knows the reality of the cirumstances here, so it all becomes theoretical.

@stevieb

It also depends on what the heated argument was about.

If, for example, the mother criticized my spouse, my parenting style, or my kid, you bet your sweet ..... bippy you lost all privileges of seeing the grandchild.

Often in anger, the truth of how we really feel comes out.

To apologize is fine, but sometimes saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't magicly make hurt feelings vanish.

The dye has been cast, the bell rung, and words that can't be taken back.

Not letting the mom ever see her grandchild again is beyond the pale and would hurt the child in the long-run.

That step should be taken only after the most serious of offensives; otherwise, I would try to work it out in some fashion.

@Anonymous032819

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@suzyQ3 wrote:
@Anonymous032819 wrote:

@stevieb wrote:
@Anonymous032819 wrote:
@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:
@NicksmomESQ wrote:

Life is too short.Why not get along!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone should tell that to my daughter-in-law. Two years ago we had a major disagreement; I apologized and was ready to let it be "water under the bridge" but as a result she wouldn't let me see my granddaughter for a year; and my son went along with it.

Ahhhhh!

There's the crux.

He put his wife and daughter first, when you are use to being in the #1 position.

Unless there were some pretty extreme circumstances, it isn't a matter of him putting anyone first, it's a matter of him needing to provide a voice of reason and having failed to do so. Again, unless there was something serious going on, it wasn't right for the wife to deny access to the kid and it certainly wasn't right for the son not to insist on a little reason being employed. Again though, none of us knows the reality of the cirumstances here, so it all becomes theoretical.

@stevieb

It also depends on what the heated argument was about.

If, for example, the mother criticized my spouse, my parenting style, or my kid, you bet your sweet ..... bippy you lost all privileges of seeing the grandchild.

Often in anger, the truth of how we really feel comes out.

To apologize is fine, but sometimes saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't magicly make hurt feelings vanish.

The dye has been cast, the bell rung, and words that can't be taken back.
Not letting the mom ever see her grandchild again is beyond the pale and would hurt the child in the long-run.

That step should be taken only after the most serious of offensives; otherwise, I would try to work it out in some fashion.

@Anonymous032819

@suzyQ3

I respectfully disagree.

If Mom-in-law called my kid fat, lazy, stupid, spoiled brat, and was going to amount to nothing, and I was raising them wrong, I would expect my husband to stand up to his mother, and defend his wife and child. And if that's how you feel about your grandchild and me, that will be the last time that you would see your grandchild.

Period.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.