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Valued Contributor
Posts: 791
Registered: ‎08-24-2011

A recent post here revealed that a surprising number of us were born to unloving mothers, and I was struck by the unresolved pain many expressed. I wanted to share a wonderful book on the subject:

"Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming your Life" by Peg Streep

This book blows away the myth of "human maternal love" as being instinctual, and shows how babies in the womb are hard-wired to believe their mother loves them. Women who grew up unloved by mother in a society where it is assumed that motherly love is universal, will find this a fascinating and informative read, and hopefully a healing one.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,212
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

I've always felt that not every woman is fit to be mother. I had a good mother, but not everyone is that lucky. People shouldn't have children just because they feel  obligated. Parenting is not to be taken lightly, and often children are born to people who have no right to be parents IMO. 

 

I have never had children, and don't regret it at all. I don't think I would have been patient enough to handle the responsibility. People need to think if they're even qualified to have children. 

"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."

Mark Twain
Occasional Contributor
Posts: 6
Registered: ‎07-02-2012

Wow.  Thank you so much for sharing this!  I am so glad I decided to check out the forums today.  I've recently started therapy again because my mother "kicked" me out of the family back in 2017-reasons still unkown to me.  I've been working on moving on with my life without my parents and my brother and sister.  My head gets it, but my heart is having a hard time.  I just ordered this book.  Thank you again!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 783
Registered: ‎07-26-2019

I am one of these children that had a mother that was not capable of loving them. It took my whole adult life and then some to come to terms with this. I don't want to read any books. Sometimes one has to accept what is. Why do women have children if they don't want to care and raise them. I'm not trying to be mean or nasty or start arguments, I just have never understood.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,496
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

@furbabylover ................thank you for this info.  I wish there had been help of this kind years ago.  

Fear Is Incomplete Knowledge---Agatha Christie
Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,650
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I hope that some can benefit from reading the book. Personally, I've dealt with this as along as I can remember. It is hard-wired in my brain. It formed who I am.

 

There is not anything that could dissolve the heart of the problem for me. But I can say that withyears of retrospection, I can live with it most of the time.

 

On good days, I find some amount of empathy for her; on very bad days, I feel an indescribable rage.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Honored Contributor
Posts: 36,760
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

i am sure the book is quite interesting.

i cannot relate to it at all though.

i guess i was one of the lucky ones when it came to mothers......still am.

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"I would prefer even to to fail with honor than win by cheating." - Sophocles
Valued Contributor
Posts: 791
Registered: ‎08-24-2011

@suzyQ3  I know your pain. The thing about this book is that it not only offers great insight and methods for personal resolution, but you learn that there are an awful lot of us out there dealing with the lifelong effects. There is a sort of comfort in knowing that we are sisters in this struggle.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,496
Registered: ‎06-10-2015

@suzyQ3 ................I understand what you are saying completely.   Im trying my very best to forgive.

Fear Is Incomplete Knowledge---Agatha Christie
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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,097
Registered: ‎10-16-2020

I have the opinion that women who work and are constantly stressed about money do not have the same ease that another woman would in loving and nurturing their child. 

 

It may sound like excusing bad behavior but those who have had a hard life sometimes are not always happy or loving people and may even blame their kids for their financial situation.  

 

I say this because I saw a rather big difference in my own mother who completely chilled out as her life got better.