On 8/4/2014 GoodStuff said: I am sorry you are seeing signs of dementia in your mother. I lost my dear mother to Alzheimer's last fall. Her symptoms started several years earlier, at just about your mother's age. We are currently dealing with DH's mom, in her nineties, with dementia and in a nursing home.
I'd definitely get your mom back to her doctor ASAP and have him urge her to see a neurologist. Just as important, if it hasn't already been done, be sure your mother's will and affairs are updated and that you (or another appropriate family member) has legal and medical power of attorney in place. A good attorney, especially one that specializes in elder-law, can be an invaluable help. If your mother is having trouble with bills and finances, someone needs to be involved in that process.......and if she is no longer competent to handle these matters, you or someone else should handle them for her. Confused, vulnerable old folks with checkbooks, credit cards, etc.and be scammed, make serious mistakes, and get into all kinds of trouble.
Sadly, if your mother is developing dementia, these problems will get worse and worse with time. You need to act quickly and decisively. If your mom is living alone, you may need to adjust her living situation -- either have someone visit her daily, move her into assisted living, hire a companion/sitter, or consider moving her in with a family member.
Excellent advice GoodStuff, and I'm sorry for your loss, as well as the suffering with your MIL. My dad started to get confused with the bills too. He had always been the one to manage money in the family, and even when I moved in to take care of him after my mother's death, he was very independent so I let him handle things. Towards the end, I had to take over the finances.... that was probably the most difficult thing for him to adjust to. It was such a delicate process, but I would try to oversee what he was doing... several times I found him mailing off bills with no check inside, just the statement. The good thing was that I knew he wasn't withdrawing any money without my knowledge, but there were automatic drafts I had to look into. Finally I needed to have a discussion with him that I would be the one to pay bills, and I would be happy to have him involved. He was okay with that decision, but he could have easily been taken advantage of if I had not been around. I also needed to get a medical POA to make decisions for my dad, and at first he fought it. He didn't like the idea of anyone making choices for him, but I am his only child, all he had.... and finally when he was in ICU and it was explained to him that while he seemed to be getting better, things could always take a turn for the worse, and the doctors would have no direction. Even as his only daughter that had cared for him for the last few years, he hesitated to give me permission. I had to assure him that I would do only what he wanted, but if he were to slip into a coma or need an emergency procedure and not be able to give authority or make decisions for himself, I would need to do it. He finally agreed and signed it. My dad never wanted a DNR order, he wanted measures taken to save his life. I would say to anyone with a loved one that is ill and suffering from dementia, GET THIS ISSUE CLARIFIED!!! My dad eventually left the hospital, but spent weeks in a nursing facility where he wasted away, and that is where he died. In his last days, he lost ability to speak or voice his desires, although I knew he was trying through him holding my hand and his senseless whispers. I wanted them to save him when that time came, but the doctor explained to me that the measures they would take would hurt him more... broken ribs in his skinny and fragile condition, possible internal damage... months existing just on life support with no hope of getting better. It was the worst decision I ever had to make in my life, but I agreed on his behalf to a DNR order. My daddy passed without much suffering, I held him... there were no measures taken to revive him. Those are things they don't teach you in the "Kid's Handbook" when you are little... that when you watch your parents grow old or they get sick, these are things you need to do. I guess if I had been selfish, my dad might still be "alive" in the hospital on a ventilator, but he would be an empty shell. He was ready to go, it was his time, he had a wonderful life, and now he is complete again and happy and reunited with my mom.
These are awful things to think about. Nobody prepared me for the decisions I had to make. I hope that the people that are living with elderly or sick loved ones, and know these decisions are in their future, can find some strength in the stories shared. When you are going through it, you feel so alone, but the fact is that so many people are dealing with this and will continue to do so.
Blogs & Forums
Forums
Blogs
