Community Chat

[Xivambala]

Yes and No. I don't want any gifts. Anything I want no one can afford.

[bikerbabe]

No. I love getting presents. 🥰

[Desertdi]

The W O R S T

[Sweetbay magnolia]

I am now reminded of the O. Henry story. The Gift of the Magi. If you've never read it, or if you have, it's worth a look.

She sells her hair to buy him a watch and he buys her a comb for her hair (not knowing she had just cut it all off).  Now, it's been many years since I read the story but I never forget the lesson.

[BirkiLady]

 Years ago I enjoyed receiving gifts from family and friends. In the past 20 years, I've not found it so enjoyable since (a) either I already have everything I could possible want materially, (b) the unique thought process has not been given like in the past, (c) the individual didn't ASK if I wanted/needed the item and it ended up being donated to a charity or (d)  I'm getting to the point where downsizing is in the future and I'm giving more and more things away to the younger generations or charities. (Even many of my beloved classic books have been donated to our local libraries, which I didn't think would ever happen!)

Who needs more candles to dust, bathing products, perfumes, chocolates, cheeses or meats? At our ages, most of us have our signature favorites, preference in dark specific dark chocolates, or are on medical restricted foods (often low salt or sugar) due to diabetes, heart, or other lifelong health issues. Life is simply easier with less.  

Hopefully, you spent time with your friend(s) during the summer while we had the chance to visit and go out for a meal or walk in a park or take in a summer concert. Of course a handwritten note or a card is always appreciated.

My immediate family knows me well enough to give me gifts of themselves first as a family (including help, if needed, which means far more to me than anything material).

My sister and our extended families stopped exchanging gifts many years ago. It became a "have to feeling" rather than a "want to experience" and we all agreed the process had turned into many unwanted gifts. Best decision ever!  

[SouthernBee]

@Marp : Thank you. Great suggestion but already tried. We   visited before Thanksgiving last year. I voiced all concerns, plans to do a major purge on a regular basis,stressed that I don't need nor want anything. They said that they understood and agreed. One friend her husband was in the final stage of cancer and she was worried about her finances and sadly her DH died in March. The other is single- was unexpectedly medically retired due to COPD and sadly diagnosed with breast cancer with very limited income. I thought the previously mentioned letter to terminate any gift exchange would be totally welcomed and would be appreciated and accepted. Our birthday days are = two in July and one in August and totally shocked and disappointed that they very items that I do not want or need were given. I know that my voice and facial expressions indicated extreme upset . The excuses were- beach scene frame purchased to help a new church friend. The Christmas truck frame because friend needs projects to keep her busy. I will be with these two friends on Friday and will talk about my stress of stuff, in process of decluttering and they are encouraged to come look at the piles to reclaim anything and please take anything else or the best they can help me is to remove everything for me and please do not give me anything else. They know that I do not drive and my disabilities. If they refuse to honor any of  my request I will immediately dispose of any future gifts and move on.  I will not feel guilty for not giving them anything. I don't need stuff and more stress. I really don't want to terminate any friendships and don't want to hurt anyone. 

[SouthernBee]

@Sooner : Well stated.❤️

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@Sooner wrote:

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@Sweetbay magnolia wrote:

But isn't it the thought that counts?  Someone takes the time to acknowledge how special you are, to them?

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@Sweetbay magnolia I sort of don't think that any more.  I think telling someone, showing them you care by contacting them, or doing something for them is far more important.

I think a in some cases it is more about the giver feeling special because of the gift that what the recipient might want or giving someone something that the giver wants them to have--as odd as that souns.  I can say this because in my 20's that was me.

I would agonize over a gift.  What would they not buy for themselves (because they didn't want one. . . ) or what was unusual (which often was not a hit), or how clever was the gift.  I am ashamed to admit it, but I think in some cases a gift is almost a control issue.  

I learned the hard way that is IS the thought and don't get people something just because.  What is a gift is your love, your attention, your time and your kindness.  Nothing is more of a gift than that. 

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[Sweetbay magnolia]

Indeed, @SouthernBee .  That is the gift.

Rock on, you lovely lady!

[Pook]

It definitely is not the thought that counts and often is the thoughtlessness of the giver!!  My sister actually called me selfish when I told her no more gift giving.  She said it's not about the recipient but the giver!!  (She gets horrible gifts just to have lots of "gifts" to give and feels free to insult everyone at every chance!).  It's not about intention of the giver!!  Those that know me SHOULD know how I feel about gifts and also know that I have never and will never wear a scarf, scents make me wheeze and cough, I never wear costume jewelry, do not like baths and bath or shower products and bath gels as well as cheap trinkets or  cheap chocolate but yet each year the onslot of these presents continue!!  I am a good baker and like to just share with friends and have told them all if they get me anything for Christmas then they will never get another cookie and stuck to it!!  Many just buy to have a gift with no real thought behind it!!  Ungrateful of me - maybe -  but a gift just given with no thought as to what a supposed friend's tastes is not something to rave about because you will just get more of the same over and over!!

Sorry for the rant!! 

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[SouthernBee]

@BirkiLady : Totally agree. My preferred gifts are any help that is needed, transportation, shopping. One of my favorites friends desperately needed a new vacuum cleaner because she has two dogs but she said that she couldn't afford one, plus she said she wanted someone to clean her house.  Two friends gave her the requested necessities but she was still disappointed that she didn't get anything else. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️Gifts were not cheap- didn't purchase the cheap nor most expensive vacuum cleaner but mid price. So it's  going in circles= gift something desperately needed but not appreciated, so next solution =stop all gift giving.